Fragile
by MadameCissy
Summary: "Congratulations, Rizzoli. You're going home." Jane glanced out of the window. As the last ray of light left the sky, reality finally sunk in. She was going back to Boston. The one place she'd sworn she was never going to return to. [Rizzles]
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** Two years ago Jane Rizzoli left Boston after _he_ got under her skin. She walked away from everything and everyone but now her enemy is back, striking her deep into her heart and forcing her to come home. Can she face all that she has left behind? Not only the monster that overpowered her once before but also Maura Isles, the one person she ever allowed to see inside her soul? Is there such a thing as too much time gone by and is it really possible to undo the past? For the one thing that is certain about people is that they will always have secrets and with secrets come lies...

**Pairing:** Rizzles, of course.

**Rating:** T (for now anyway)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Rizzoli & Isles. They belong to Tess Gerritsen and Janet Tamaro. Any characters you do not recognise are my own.

**Author's note:** Well, right before the start of season 4 and here I am; back with a new story. The plot was originally intended for a Criminal Minds story but somehow as I began to develop it, it seemed to suit Rizzoli & Isles far better. This will be a slow burner, as most of my stories tend to be, but there will be obvious Rizzles moments from the beginning.

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**Chapter 1**

~()~

_...Lest we forget how fragile we are..._**  
**

~()~

**Washington D.C**  
**October**

Jane Rizzoli sat at her desk in the slowly quieting down bull pen. The sound of buzzing computers, the occasional ringing phone and fingers rattling across keyboards only sporadically invaded her mind. Her dark eyes were fixed on one of the large windows. Darkness was falling over Washington and the city lights had come on fifteen minutes ago. The arms on the clock pointed at twenty past five. It was the middle of October. It would be dark before six and around her people were getting ready to call it a night. Men and women returned to their families, seeking the shelter and safety from the depravity they saw on a daily basis. They all sought a safe place to hide from the dark, she thought. The dark didn't scare Jane Rizzoli. What scared her was that she knew all too well what lurked behind the dark.

Jane watched as around her people began to disperse. They walked out together, side by side, laughing and perhaps asking whether they had plans for that evening. If somebody asked her that question the answer would almost always be the same. A date with her TV and her bed. Although most of her colleagues pretended to have something else to go home to, Jane knew most of them lied. Only a handful of the men and women she worked with were married. Most of them had been, once, but marriages weren't created to cope with what they saw on a daily basis. Partners didn't want to hear the stories about the sick human beings that shared their gyms and grocery stores. Stories of rapists and killers being caught weren't the type of fairy tales you told to a child before they went to bed.

Jane lived for her job. It was what she got out of bed for every single morning. When she strapped on her gun and her badge she felt whole and complete. She'd stare at herself in the mirror in her bathroom day after day, recognising every tiny birth mark and freckle and knowing the beginning lines around her eyes that time had started to leave behind. She wasn't getting any younger but she told herself she didn't care. Tall and slender with well-toned muscles, Jane wasn't an unattractive woman. She had no complaints when it came to attention.

Every morning she'd brush her unruly black curls before slipping into one of her neatly pressed black suits, reassured that she was doing the one thing she knew she was born to do. She never put on make-up. She didn't like it. She was terrified she'd look into the mirror and see someone she didn't know staring back at her.

"Yo, Rizzoli! Boss wants to see you!"

Jane looked up to see Special Agent Peter Harling walking over to her desk, his coat draped across his arm. He looked about ready to leave. At six foot one with jet black hair and green eyes, he was perhaps the most handsome man in the bullpen. He was only one of the few who had managed to save his marriage throughout his career. Broad shouldered like a line backer, he looked more like an oversized teddy bear than the skilled agent that he was.

Jane wearily looked past her colleague and friend to the office eon the other side of the bullpen. She then looked back at the clock, suddenly wishing she'd clocked out fifteen minutes earlier. "Did he say why?"

"Nope. Just for you to get your ass in there."

Jane got up out of her chair after folding her paper work into a neat pile. She crossed the bull pen to her supervisor's office. Director David Sorenson was a first call jackass in Jane's opinion. A jackass with a rotten attitude, three failed marriages behind his name and the ability to make every person who entered a room with him feel like shit. She'd learnt fast not to let him get to her and for some reason they had managed to find a balance. Perhaps it was because Jane had never been afraid of men in power or perhaps it was David Sorenson understood more than anyone why she had come to Washington. He knew but he never asked. She never told.

She knocked on his door and waited for him to call her in. She smoothed out her blazer, running her slender fingers down her neatly pressed slacks. The end of the day and for once she'd managed not to spill coffee down herself.

"Come in!"

Jane opened the door and stepped inside.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" she asked.

"Close the door, Agent Rizzoli."

To hear him use her title and not just her last name set off alarm bells for Jane. She did what she was asked before taking a seat in one of the leather armchairs standing across her supervisor's desk. Jane's eyes drifted around the office. The blinds were open, providing a perfect view over the bullpen. Sorenson liked to watch them work, she thought. He always wanted to make sure they were doing everything they were supposed to. Numerous decorations from the FBI and Harvard hung on the plain coloured walls, in perfect sight to anyone who entered the office. David Sorenson didn't want anyone to miss just how qualified he was. It came with his ego. Jane had learnt that a long time ago. There were no family pictures in this office. Three marriages that all ended in divorce. No children. He wasn't the family type. He arrived before everyone else did and left long after the cleaners had gone home. Sometimes, Jane suspected, he slept on the leather sofa on the other side of the room.

"This was brought to my desk this morning," Sorenson said and slid a file across the polished wood. The FBI logo was printed across the cover. Bright red letters spelled out the word CONFIDENTIAL.

Jane opened the file and felt her heart freeze. The crime scene pictures were of a kind that would even make the most seasoned FBI agent sick. Blood stained floors and spatter on the walls. She could almost smell the iron. The bodies of the women were mangled, their eyes glazed over. Jane's eyes were drawn to the marks around their neck and she dropped the file into her lap. Brown eyes snapped up at her boss. He was staring back at her, waiting for her reaction. He got what he wanted.

"How did you know about this?"

"They called for our help."

It was as if all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. Jane felt the unease creep up on her. "But you knew..."

"That you worked this case? Yes, I knew. I also know what happened to the last victim. Erin Montgomery."

Janet's features hardened at the mention of the name. It wasn't something she talked about. Not to anyone. She didn't like to think about it. It was the past and everything had long since returned to some kind of normal. But she couldn't forget. It haunted her, indelibly splashed across her mind. The memories would sneak back up on her when she least expected it.

"She died because I screwed up."

"The Alphabet Killer."

The mention of his name was enough to bring a shudder down Jane's spine but Sorenson didn't notice and if he did then he didn't care. "He killed five women in less than five weeks in Boston, two years ago. Their first names followed the letters of the alphabets. Abby Fitzgerald was his first, Erin Montgomery his last. Boston PD caught him." His eyes found Jane's and she knew damn well why he had called her in to his office. "_You_ caught him."

Jane clenched her fists into her lap. "And it was me who screwed up."

The Alphabet Killer was a time of her life Jane wished she could erase. For five weeks that monster had tormented the city, squeezing it by its throat as he enjoyed watching how it struggled to breathe. He broke into the victim's home after picking their name randomly from the phone book. He watched them, learnt their routine and then attacked them as they slept. He'd kidnap them, rape and strangle them with a piano wire, cutting into their flesh so deeply that by the time he was finished the women were almost decapitated. Then he cut their stomach. Jane had never been so haunted to see a number carved into flesh. He'd leave the mutilated bodies in the woodlands surrounding the outskirts of Boston. The Alphabet Killer was a monster. An animal.

Erin Montgomery had been his last victim and not long after he kidnapped her they finally found the scientific evidence that led them to his hiding place. A particular type of paint that had been discontinued in the seventies and had only been used by a couple of companies finally revealed where he took his victims. The path led them to an abandoned farm and barn just outside of Boston. It was the perfect hiding place. It didn't matter how loud a woman screamed. Nobody would ever hear her.

Jane swallowed hard and looked down at her hands. The scars were a reminder of how she had faced another monster long before the Alphabet Killer. She had been marked by Charles Hoyt physically but the Alphabet Killer had done something much worse; he had scarred her mentally. Slowly she let her gaze come back up. Her eyes had darkened with anger and her lips formed a thin line. "If you know what happened then why did you never tell me?"

Sorenson leant back in his chair and folded his hands behind his head. He inspected Jane with the same curiosity he had done when she first walked into his office two years ago carrying a single cardboard box with her belongings. "Did I want to talk about case where one of my agents watched how a woman died in her own arms?"

Jane gasped quietly. The memories came flooding back and she had no way of stopping them. Suddenly she was back at the abandoned barn. The sound of police sirens wailing was overwhelming. At least two dozen cops and a full SWAT team had descended upon the building and surrounded it. The killer hiding inside had no chance of escaping. He was trapped.

"He couldn't leave without finishing what he had started," Sorenson pointed out, reaching over his desk to take back the file he had shown Jane. He closed it, as if somehow that would end what was now happening inside her head. "You tried to talk him into releasing Erin."

Jane briskly shook her head. "If we'd gone in earlier then maybe... Maybe she would still be alive today."

"You don't know that, Jane." Sorenson said and he leant in. Suddenly he sounded calm and soft. "It wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't if?" Jane retorted bitterly. "It was _my_ call to wait. I was the one who talked to him, who begged him to let her go." Her voice faltered. "I was the one who failed to see that he couldn't stop what he was doing. He was only going to surrender once he'd finished what he'd started. I should have seen him for the compulsive monster that he was." She swallowed the hard lump in the back of her throat away. "I should have seen it and I didn't."

"He strangled her with a piano wire. When we went in he handed himself over without a fight and I found Erin on the other side of the barn. She was naked, covered in blood and barely alive. She tried to talk but she couldn't. She died in my arms."

Jane fought against the unexpected tears that had welled up in her eyes. Erin's eyes had met Jane's in those final moments. It was something she knew she'd never forget. Erin had reached out her blood soaked hands in despair but was too weak to touch Jane. Her last breath had sounded ragged and Jane had never seen anyone so terrified in the last moments before their death.

It was at that moment the weight of what she'd done finally hit Jane. She'd failed.

That same night she handed in her gun and her badge, left Boston and never looked back. She packed whatever belongings she wanted to bring with her and boarded the first available flight to Washington. She didn't know why she picked that place but it was the first thing that came into her head. There was only one place where she wanted to be and that was at the centre of the agency that specialised in finding monsters like Charles Hoyt and the Alphabet Killer.

She booked into a hotel and then contacted the FBI Headquarters in Washington and within a week her transfer had been arranged. Now, two years later, she carried her FBI badge instead of her BPD shield. She was Special Agent Jane Rizzoli now. She hadn't thought about Detective Jane Rizzoli for some time. She had never gone back to Boston.

For the first six months her family didn't even know where she was. She didn't email them and ignored all their calls. Then, one night six months after she had left, there was a knock on her apartment door. When she answered she'd found her brother Frankie standing outside. She let him in and when she asked him how long he'd known where she was he answered he'd known after just one day. It was because of him that she finally called her mother. Within a week after that phone call Angela came to visit her daughter in Washington but it didn't matter how much she tried to persuade Jane to come back, she turned down all her mother's pleas. After a while Angela had stopped trying.

Leaving Boston had been one of the hardest but also best decisions she'd ever made. It was the city where she'd grown up but it was also the city where all her memories lay. Memories of Hoyt and the Alphabet Killer and every other sick bastard she'd chased down throughout her career at BPD. But Boston was also the home of her family and friends. And of Maura Isles. And Maura Isles was perhaps the one thing about Boston that, even now, Jane still missed most.

"Jane?"

Sorenson called her by her first name and Jane was snapped out of her thoughts. "Sorry," she apologised. "Seems like that bastard still gets under my skin after all this time." Her eyes fixed on the file on the desk, a frown forming across her face. "Those crime scene photos…"

"Boston PD sent them to me an hour ago," Sorenson answered. "Latest victim was found two days ago."

"This can't be. We caught the guy!" Jane took a deep breath. "Kevin Louis Richardson, better known as the Alphabet Killer, died in prison six weeks after he was sentenced to five consecutive life sentences. Some punk was looking for an ego boost and knifed him to death in the shower."

She reached out and took the file from under Sorenson's arms. He let her. She opened it again and began spreading the pictures out over his desk. The usually neat and tidy desk now looked like a scene ripped from a horror movie. The faces of three women stared back at Jane. All were surrounded by leaves and grass and all were naked. Jane leant in. She had seen plenty of dead bodies in her time to no longer be intrigued by human anatomy and physiology. Once a person was dead, their bodies were just a shell. Jane had never seen them as anything other than that so now her eyes just lingered on the victim's bodies without seeing the person they had once been. The numbers six, seven and eight had been carved into the stomachs. Her eyes then trailed up to the injuries around their neck. In one of the pictures a piano wire had been photographed a couple of feet away from the body.

"Same M.O," Jane whispered and her eyes snapped up to Sorenson. She knew he was looking for her reaction. She wasn't going to let him see how she really felt underneath her mask. The anger she felt was something she would deal with on her own but she gave him just enough for Sorenson to know that he got her. She pushed one of the photos' towards him and pointed at the bloody number six.

"And the detail about the numbers cut into their bodies was never released to the press."

"Victim's names are Francis Juilliard, Gina McKenzie and Hannah Anderson."

"He picked up where Richardson left off," Jane whispered, averting her eyes from the crime scene photos. Suddenly she couldn't stomach the sight of them any longer. "He's following down the alphabet. F, G and H…" An unnerving feeling crept up on her. "There's a long way still to go till Z."

Sorenson sat up in his chair. "I'm sending you back to Boston."

"What?!" Jane's eyes widened and she almost jumped out of her seat. "Why?!"

"Because they've asked for the FBI's help. They're getting it."

"But…"

"No buts, Agent." Sorenson sounded dismissive. "I'm sending you and Perera. Your flight leaves Dulles first thing tomorrow morning." He put the pictures back in the file before giving it to her. As she took it she noticed her hands were shaking. She knew that he had noticed it too.

"Congratulations, Rizzoli. You're going home."

Jane glanced out of the window. As the last ray of light left the sky, reality finally sunk in. She was going back to Boston. The one place she'd sworn she was never going to return to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the reviews so far, guys! It means the world.**

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**Chapter 2**

She hadn't slept all night and by the time Jane climbed out of the taxi that had driven her to Dulles International Airport she felt like a zombie. She lifted her suitcase out of the trunk, paid the driver and turned around to look at the departures terminal. Every cell in her body screamed that she didn't want to be here but Sorenson had left her no choice. She was going back to Boston.

Jane glanced at her watch. It was a little after seven in the morning. She sighed and pulled her suitcase towards the entrance doors. She stopped when a woman walked into her line of vision.

"Jesus Jane, you look like crap."

"And good morning to you too, Deanna," Jane grumbled.

Deanna Perera had been her partner in the FBI since the day she joined. They'd worked dozens of cases together and Jane couldn't think of a finer Agent she'd entrust her life to. Deanna was a few years younger than she was and she'd joined the Academy fresh out of university with a degree of Criminology under her belt. Jane had wondered why Sorenson had paired them together but she soon learnt that Deanna liked to do things a little different. They shared a common dislike for the rules and it turned out that with their no-nonsense approach and sharp attitude, they were a perfect match.

"So, are you ready?" Deanna asked excitedly.

That was perhaps the one annoying thing about her, Jane thought. Deanna got way too excited every time they had to travel somewhere. Whether it was a four hour road trip or a ten hour redeye, Deanna never seemed to care. Perhaps it was her youth that got her this excitement or perhaps it was the lack of family holidays when she was little and Deanna was just trying to make up for lost time.

Deanna glanced at her partner. "Boston's your home town, isn't it?"

Jane didn't answer but just wheeled her suitcase into the departures hall. A quick scan of her new surroundings led her to the check-in desk and she slammed her ticket down. Deanna was right behind her and Jane flashed her FBI badge when the young man behind the desk asked her a coiple of questions. The mere glimpse of the three blue letters printed across her badge was enough to silence him and after a couple of minutes he handed Jane her boarding pass.

"C'mon, I'll buy you a coffee," Deanna said once she and Jane were finished.

She dragged Jane to the nearest coffee bar and they joined the line. Deanna gave her partner a sideways glance. Jane's features had hardened. It wasn't very often that she saw the Italian woman this way. "Jane, what's going on?"

Jane sighed. She'd never told Deanna the real reason why she had left Boston. As far as Deanna knew she'd moved away after her relationship fell apart. The younger woman never asked any further and Jane never elaborated. The truth about the Alphabet Killer was only known to Sorenson though she had seen the name referenced in some of their case files when they had studied serial killers. She'd shuddered whenever the name was mentioned but never spoke a word.

"Jane?"

"Not here," Jane said quietly and looked around. They were surrounded by people. This wasn't the type of place where she wanted to talk about the Alphabet Killer. She'd rather not talk about him at all but since she was going back to Boston, she couldn't withhold the information from Deanna any longer.

Once they had their coffees they found a quiet table and sat down. Jane picked at the Styrofoam of her cup, looking down at the scars left behind by Charles Hoyt. Another story Deanna didn't know about. They'd been working together for two years, spending more time together than most married couples did, but yet she hadn't told Deanna a single thing about her past. She peered back up through her eyelashes. There were plenty of things the other agent didn't know about her.

"You know we're going to Boston because of the Alphabet Killer's copycat, right?" Jane asked and Deanna nodded. "The real killer was caught a couple of years ago and died in prison." She took a deep breath and spoke the words she hadn't dared to say to anyone since arriving in Washington. "I'm the cop that caught him."

Deanna's eyes widened. "Jane…. Really?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Really."

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

"You know what happened to Erin Montgomery?" Jane asked and Deanna jerked her head in understanding. "That's why."

"Jane, you couldn't have known…"

"Yeah, Sorenson said that too but I'm not so sure." Jane peeled the lid off her coffee and stared down into the black liquid before ripping open the small sachet of sugar and adding it to her coffee. "I should have seen it. I should have seen him for the monster that he was and I was too focused on trying to nail his ass that I forgot about what he was capable off. Erin Montgomery lost her life because of that and nothing I do will ever be able to fix that."

Deanna cocked her head. She read the anger etched across Jane's face like a book. "Is that why Sorenson assigned you this case?"

"I think so," Jane replied and sipped from her coffee. "No better Agent than an angry Agent, right?"

Deanna leant back in her chair. "So what else is in Boston?"

Jane blinked. "Come again?"

"Well, when I first asked you why you came to Washington, you told me it was because your relationship went bust," the younger Agent answered. A hint of a grin lit up her face. "Just trying to figure out if I'll finally get to meet the person who got underneath your skin."

"You'll get to meet him," Jane answered dismissively. "It's the bastard who's killing these women."

"So there's no one?" Deanna asked. "No one at all?"

"No." Jane's answer was short and she bit back the name that was burning on the tip of her tongue. "There's no one."

Deanna didn't press any further and they finished their coffees whilst talking about the case in more detail. Jane explained how the investigation had been run two years ago. She'd been the lead detective alongside Korsak and Frost. She filled Deanna in on how they had originally managed to track down the location where the Alphabet Killer was taking his victims.

"How did you find him?" Deanna wanted to know.

"Paint." Jane grinned at the surprise that something as small as paint had broken their case."Seems odd, doesn't it? We found paint traces on the fourth victim and Maura managed to isolate the brand that had been used. Turned out the brand had been discontinued quite some time before. A little research led us to two companies who had that particular brand. One remembered painting an old barn. At the same time we found what turned out to be hairs from a cow. The barn was part of an old dairy farm. Maura even found some records dating back to its original set up."

"Maura?" Deanna asked. "Who's Maura?"

"Maura Isles," Jane answered and her voice suddenly broke. An uncomfortable blush spread across her cheeks that she could not control and she could only hope that Deanna didn't notice it. The mere mention of Maura was enough to stir something inside of her that she didn't want to think about, let alone admit. Those times were behind her now. "She's… err…. She's the Chief Medical Examiner."

"Will she be working this case too?" Deanna wanted to know.

Jane hadn't even thought about that possibility. She'd been so focused on going back to Boston and facing her demons that she had even considered the chance that Maura would be working the case too. She hadn't spoken to her since she left. They'd emailed a few times and Maura even promised to come and visit but Jane had to cancel when she and Deanna caught a case that sent them to Minnesota. There had been a handful of phone calls but more often than not they ended up being voice mail messages. It was as if being apart really made it impossible for them to keep their friendship going and after less than six months, Jane hadn't heard from Maura again and she herself had never called back. Their lives had taken a different turn, she thought, and if their friendship would have been able to withstand the test of distance and time, they would still be friends.

"Probably." Jane tried to sound as light as she could. "It would make sense. She knows this case better than anyone."

"Do they know you're coming?"

Jane shook her head. "They know the FBI is on its way but I asked Sorenson not to tell me its me." She swallowed hard. "I don't think they know I joined the Bureau."

"You didn't tell them?!" Deanna looked aghast.

"Things were… complicated."

Complicated didn't even begin to describe how her life had been in the days before her departure. Her friendship with Maura had been under strain although she never quite understood why. They were bickering all the time but there were moments where Jane caught herself looking at the doctor, wondering what it was that kept bringing her back to her. It seemed that with the growing pressure of the case, their friendship suffered. Somehow they kept avoiding each other only to then come running back. It was what they always did, no matter what happened, Jane thought. They always came back to each other, one way or another.

Even now.

Their flight was called an hour later and they abandoned their seats in the coffee bar to join the line of people boarding the plane to Boston. Jane found herself apprehensively looking around. Two years ago she arrived at this very same airport, promising herself she was never going to go back to Boston. But here she was, about to step back into the past. She had no idea if this was what she wanted or if she was even ready but as she handed the flight attendant her boarding pass she knew there was no way back. She was going home.

~()~

After a flight that lasted a little over an hour the plane touched down at Logan and Deanna and Jane followed the crowd of people making their way to the luggage belt. Neither of them spoke much to each other as they waited for their suitcases to arrive. On the plane Jane had told Deanna as much as she needed to know about Frost, Korsak and Cavanaugh. She only shared minimal details about Maura. She didn't know why. It just seemed for the best.

"Do you want to go to the hotel first?" Deanna asked when they had finally managed to pull their suitcases of the belt and made their out of the airport. They avoided a large group of overexcited High School students who had clearly just returned from a trip to Disney World. Deanna threw one look at the ridiculous Mickey Mouse ears and felt her stomach turn. She swung her jacket back over her shoulders and looked up to check the sky. It was grey.

Jane shook her head. "I think it's best we get straight to BPD."

They left the arrivals lounge and walked out into the Boston fresh air. It was raining and Jane wasn't even surprised. October in Boston was always accompanied by rain. She took in a deep breath, inhaling what turned out a sickening mixture of car exhaust fumes and cigarette smoke from the guy standing next to her.

Jane hailed a cab and loaded her suitcase in the trunk. Deanna did the same and they both climbed in the back. Jane recited the address to BPD Headquarters from memory and rested back in her seat, her eyes fixed on the window. The images outside were familiar. She knew the Boston skyline well and watched with mixed emotions as it flashed by outside. With every mile they closed in on BPD she became more and more uncomfortable.

"You ok?" Deanna inquired after a little while. She'd noticed Jane picking at her fingernails.

"Yeah," Jane lied. "Fine."

"Do they really not know you joined the Bureau?"

"I asked Frankie not to tell them. You and I both know how cops feel about the Feds, even if they did ask for our help. We'll still the jerks in suits that try and take their case."

"But they'd understand why you decided to join."

Jane grimaced. "I'm not so sure they do, Dee. I'm not so sure they do."

The cab pulled up outside the familiar building and Jane climbed out of the backseat. She smoothed out her jacket and pants before lifting her suitcase out of the trunk of the car. Deanna paid the driver and Jane turned around to look up at the place where she had worked for many years. This was where she had worked herself up through the ranks until she finally got that much desired Detective badge. Her promotion to Homicide had been her icing on the cake. It had also been the beginning of her nightmares when she first crossed paths with Hoyt.

She bit the inside of her cheek and lifted her suitcase up the steps leading to the main entrance. Deanna was right behind her. Jane instinctively turned to the uniformed officer manning the front desk and to her relief it was some rookie she'd never seen before. She flashed her badge long enough for him to recognise the blue letters but not long enough for him to read her name. She asked if they could leave the cases with them and he agreed. She then walked to the elevator and her eyes were drawn to the directory. Her eyes lingered a little too long on the word morgue.

She pressed the button for the fourth floor and waited with thumping heart for the doors to open. She stepped inside and noticed how the palms of her hands suddenly became clammy. She tried to brush them along her pants in a casual manner but when she looked up she noticed Deanna was watching her. She forced herself to smile and her partner smiled back.

"It's going to be allright, Jane," she reassured her. "You've come to help."

Jane's breath hitched as the doors slid open. They'd reached Homicide. "Try telling that to them."

Deanna pushed the double doors leading to the Homicide department open and walked into the bullpen. Jane was right behind her and her eyes instantly drifted around the room. It hadn't changed at all. In two ears no one had moved the desks around. The desks still stood in pairs so that partners were facing each other. As Jane looked around she noticed they hadn't even changed the already crappy office chairs.

_Man_, Jane thought, _budget cuts must have hit this place hard_.

"Detective Frost?" Deanna asked as she approached one of the detectives standing by the printer. She recognised him solely from Jane's description. He turned around as she addressed him and Deanna reached out her hand. One look at her suit told him that this was the help from the FBI they'd been expecting and he smiled as he shook her hand. "Special Agent Deanna Perera. It's good to meet you."

"Barry Frost," he replied as he let go of her hand and then slightly furrowed his brow. "I thought FBI Agents travelled in pairs?"

"We do."

Her voice was enough to make Frost's eyes widen and he looked past Deanna to see Jane standing behind her, her hands clumsily pushed into the pockets of her pants. He almost dropped the pieces of paper he'd just picked up from the printer.

"Jane!"

She tried to smile but she couldn't quite manage. "Hello."

Frost walked over to her and seized her up. The disbelief flickered in his eyes. "What the hell, Jane?!"

Before Jane could answer she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around to see Korsak standing behind her. His hair had gotten greyer and there were even more grey hairs in his goatee too but other than that he hadn't changed a bit.

"It's good to see you, Jane."

"It's good to see you, too," she whispered softly and then he unexpectedly wrapped her up in one of his massive bear hugs. For just a split second she froze but then her muscles relaxed and she wrapped her arms around him. She'd forgotten just how strong and intense Korsak's hugs were and the tears welled up in her eyes without warning as she rested her head on his shoulder. "It really is."

"It's been too long," he whispered into her ear just before letting her go and he held her gaze once they had parted. She knew he was trying to discover whether she was allright. The initial worry in his eyes subsided and he smiled. "You look good."

"Jesus Jane, what the hell happened?" Frost asked. He pulled the FBI badge that hung around her neck. "You're with the Feds now?!"

"Long story," Jane answered and briefly glanced at Korsak. He just nodded. He understood. It reassured her and she looked back at Frost. He still couldn't seem to believe that she was actually standing in front of him and she felt the irresistible urge to smack the back of his head to get his attention back. "I promise to tell you later but right now I need you to tell me exactly what's been happening here."

"We've got everything in here," Frost said and pointed at the computer room. Deanna followed him and Jane was about to go too when Korsak took her arm and forced her to turn around.

"Jane," he began and he looked at her with sincerity. "Does Maura know you're here?"

"No," Jane answered. "I think it can wait, don't you?"

"Things have changed a little around here, Jane. Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." She turned away from him. "Let's get to work. We've got a killer to catch."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: **Thank you all for the reviews, folks! It brings a smile to my face to see my mail box fill up every time I update. Can't believe we're so close to the premiere now! Counting down!

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**Chapter 3**

Jane watched Korsak and Frost from the corner of her eye. It had been an hour since she and Deanna arrived at BPD but already it felt as if she'd never left. It was surprising how easy it was to just slip back into their familiar roles and it seemed that Deanna fitted in perfectly too. Like Frost, she was good with computers and general technology and she'd often be the one to track down the information they needed for their cases. Jane had never seen anybody crack a password protected computer as fast as Deanna. She herself barely managed to log into her email half the time. Computers weren't her best friend.

The computer room had been designed as an incident room. A large whiteboard displayed the various crime scene pictures in chronological order and Korsak's messy handwriting underneath specified time of death, the date the body had been found and the location. A map of Boston and sounding areas had been pinned to the nearest wall and red pins marked the locations where the bodies had been found. Blue pins indicated the places where the victims had lived. Jane's attention was drawn to the green pins. They marked the locations where the first five victims had been found. Her gaze lingered a little longer on the one that marked Erin Montgomery's name.

"You don't think to call and let your own mother know you're in town?!"

Jane's head whipped around when she heard her mother's voice behind her. Angela Rizzoli stood in the doorway of the incident room, her hands on her hips.

Jane flashed one of her smiles. "Hi Ma."

Angela's eyes drifted to the whiteboard and the colour drained from her face when she saw the horrific crime scene pictures. Jane quickly crossed the room and pushed her mother out, closing the door behind her. She forced her to turn around, away from the incident room, and then slipped her arms around her mother's neck, hping the hug would somehow ease what Angela had just seen.

"Those poor girls…," Angela muttered, her voice thick with tears.

"I know," Jane whispered. "That's why I'm here." She ended their hug. "I'm sorry I didn't call. It was kind of a last moment thing. I only found out last night."

"It's good to see you. Janie."

Angela looked her daughter up and down, clearly searching for signs that told he Jane wasn't looking after herself properly. She was surprised when she didn't find any. Jane didn't have dark rings around her eyes nor did she look like she lived on junk food and coffee. Angela had to admit that her daughter actually looked well. A smile graced her lips as she let her fingers dance across Jane's arm. The fabric of her blazer felt soft against her skin.

"Have you got plans for tonight?" she asked. "Frankie and Tommy would love to see you. I can cook."

Jane hadn't visited her mother's new place yet. A few months after Jane left Boston Angela moved out of Maura's guesthouse and found a small place of her own in one of the suburbs. Frankie said that it wasn't much but she'd managed to make it feel like home. It was good for Angela to be back on her own two feet after the divorce and having her own space to live only added to her confidence.

"Sure," Jane answered and quickly glanced back over her shoulder at Deanna. She felt a little guilty for leaving her partner at the hotel. Angela seemed to sense her hesitation.

"Bring her with you."

"Ma, she doesn't know any of you. I can't do that to her." Jane grinned and Angela smacked her on her hand in protest. Jane pulled away but her smile only grew wider. "She'll think I'm related to a bunch of idiots!"

"Frankie needs a girlfriend," Angela countered. "He can do worse than an FBI Agent!"

"Okay," Jane relented. "We'll be there." She quickly pecked Angela on her cheek. "I gotta go, Ma."

"I'll see you tonight," Angela said as she left rhe Homicide department.

Jane watched her mother leave. As she watched the double door close after Angela disappeared she realised how little things had changed. Her mother still worked in the café and she still barched into rooms looking for her children without any consideration for whatever it was they were doing. Jane had found it annoying when she was a teenager but now she realised that it was her mother's way of showing that she cared. She turned around, a smile still lingering on her lips, and walked back into the incident room. Deanna looked up.

"I hope you like lasagne," Jane said as she met her partner's gaze. "My mother just invited you over for dinner."

"Really?" Deanna asked in surprise.

"Don't be too flattered. She's just trying to set you up with my brother Frankie."

Jane chuckled as she joined Deanna, Korsak and Frost in front of the computer and slapped her partner on her back before glancing at the screen. They were looking at the results from the autopsy report. Jane couldn't help that her gaze was drawn to the initials from the medical examiner that had performed all the autopsies printed at the bottom of each page. M.I. _Maura Isles_.

"All victims were strangled with a piano chord, just like the first ones," Korsak pointed out. "We found one of the wires at the crime scene." He pointed at one of the pictures behind them on the board. "DNA test showed that blood of all three victims was on it."

"The killer recycled the wire but then dumped it?" Jane questioned and narrowed her eyes. "Why?"

Frost looked up. "Maybe there aren't that many pianos around or maybe he's just trying to be green?"

Deanna leant in and pointed at something on the screen. "That's different."

Korsak nodded. "That's the reason we called the Feds."

"The last three victims were all found to have chloroform in their system." Jane scratched the back of her head as she read those words. The last three toxicology reports all mentioned the presence of chloroform. She cocked her head and looked back over her shoulder at the crime scene photos and the green pins on the map. "The original victims tested negative for chloroform."

"The copycat couldn't have known that," Deanna said slowly. "It was another detail that wasn't released to the press."

"Neither was the piano wire but the copycat does know about that part." Jane shook her head. "Why would he need chloroform?"

"Could be more than one reason," Deanna answered. "Perhaps he doesn't like the fact that his victims' are awake to see what he's doing to them or maybe he's not strong enough to cope with it. The other reason could be that he needs help overpowering them in the first place. The original killer was tall and strong. There's no way of knowing whether the copycat has the same shape and build. Maybe he lacks the phyiscal strength to commit these crimes without the chloroform."

Jane's dark eyes lingered on the computer screen. "Whatever it is, the chloroform is the copycats' weakness," she said slowly. "It's his flaw and that's how we're going to find our way to him."

For the rest of the day Jane and Deanna read all the crime scene reports, studied all the pictures and compared them to the first five killings. They drew up the similarities between both sets of killings and the differences and searched through the toxicology and autopsy files for any other discrepancies that could lead them to their killer. There wasn't much that pointed at a killer and it was almost scary to see how much the copycat killings looked like the original ones. Whoever was killing these women now almost looked like the ghost of the original Alphabet Killer.

Around four o'clock Jane closed her file and ran her fingers through her hair. She'd just finished her fifth cup of coffee and her eyes felt heavy. She'd been staring at photos for hours now and she couldn't tell one from the other. She had a splitting headache and after watching the depravity of mankind for hours on end she felt the strong urge to shower.

"I think we should call it for today," she suggested as she stifled a yawn and looked at her partner. "We haven't even checked into our hotel yet."

"I'm starving," Deanna groaned as she pushed her chair away from the desk they'd occupied for the past few hours. "What time's your mother expecting us?"

"Seven," Jane answered. "We've got time to check in, have a shower and drive over to her place."

She picked up the files and left them on Frost's desk. He and Korsak had been called out on another Homicide, leaving Jane and Deanna in the Homicide bullpen on their own. Most of the other detectives had been out for the day too. Two detectives had returned around three, suited and booted and complaining about defence attorneys and expert witnesses. They'd been in court all day. Jane recognised neither of them and came to the shocking conclusion that although it didn't look like things had changed, it turned out they had.

She and Deanna left the Homicide bullpen and stepped into the elevator before walking through the lobby and collecting their suitcases at the front desk. Once outside Jane hailed a cab and gave the driver the address of their hotel. She climbed into the back and rested her head against the glass. She didn't look up as Deanna joined her in the backseat.

"You ok?" the younger Agent asked. "It can't have been easy, walking back in there today after two years."

"I'm fine," Jane answered and it wasn't exactly a lie. "I'm here to do my job, not because I want to get back in BPD."

Deanna glanced at the Italian woman. "Really?" she curiously asked. "You're telling me you didn't enjoy being back there?"

Jane swallowed hard. "No," she answered and stared out of the window as Boston flashed by outside. She knew these streets well. There was a reason why she hadn't enjoyed being back at BPD. It was the same reason her gaze had lingered too long on the initials at the bottom of the autopsy reports and why her eyes had drifted to the door a few too many times, expecting Maura to come walking in. "Because it's not like what it used to be."

They barely spoke for the remainder of the journey. Darkness began to fall and the last rays of the late October sun were disappearing behind the skyline. Streetlamps jumped to life, casting an orange glow across the streets of Boston. Around them people were making their way home after a long day at the office and Jane listened with a half ear how the newsreader at one of Boston's local radio stations announced that the mayor would be opening a new shopping mall this upcoming weekend.

Twenty five minutes later the cab pulled outside their hotel and Deanna paid him as Jane lifted both their cases out of the boot. They walked into the reception area and checked in. The friendly girl behind the desk gave them their key cards and directed them to the fourth floor before wishing them a pleasant evening. The sound of their suitcase wheels against the marble floors was strangely eerie ad Jane was glad when they reached the carpeted elevators. She pressed the number four and watched as the doors slid shut.

With a soft ping the elevator reached the fourth floor and the doors quietly slid open. Jane and Deanna stepped out and turned left, following the directions to rooms 412 and 415. When they reached their room Jane turned around before sliding her key card through the look. Deanna already had one foot inside the door.

"I'll see you down in the lobby at six-thirty," Jane said.

Deanna nodded before disappearing into her room. Jane turned back to her own door, unlocked it and wheeled her suitcase into her room. The light switched on automatically and her eyes scanned her new home for the foreseeable future. She couldn't complain at the Bureau's accommodation. A small executive sweet with a king size bed, a sitting area with a sofa and two arm chairs and a small kitchenette as well as a bathroom. It wasn't exactly her condo back in Washington but it was better than being trapped between four walls with just a bed.

Jane opened her suitcase and began to unpack. She carefully hung her neatly dry-cleaned suits into the closet but was a little less careful when it came to her casual clothes. She found her favourite pair of jeans and left them on the bed followed by clean underwear and an off shoulder black sweatshirt. She kicked off her boots before unzipping her pants and slipping out of her blazer.

She left them in a pile on the floor and walked into the bathroom in just her panties and tank top. Jane switched on the shower and stripped off completely in front of the mirror. As she did so she turned to stare at her own reflection, her gaze lingering on the prominent scar across her abdomen. It was a reminder of her own stupidity. Others called it being a hero but Jane didn't look at it as such.

Jane stepped into the shower and her eyes fluttered shut when she felt the hot water pour down on her. She titled her head back, allowing the flower to caress her face and wash away the dirt and grime left behind by what she had seen today. She reached for the shower gel provided by the hotel and scrubbed herself down before washing her hair. Only once she'd rinsed the last remnant of soap away did she feel a little cleaner but it still took fifteen minutes for her to actually leave the shower. Somehow it seemed that, no matter how much she washed herself, she could never quite was all of the horrors away. They were part of her and they all lived underneath her skin.

It was the part of her job Jane struggled with. It was impossible not to be affected by what she saw on a daily basis. In her time with BPD she thought she'd seen the most depraved and sick individuals but ever since joining the FBI she knew there were even worse monsters out there. She'd learnt not to let them get to her. If you allowed them to get into your head, you allowed them to possess you and she'd seen what that did to people. Many good Agents had lost themselves because they'd allowed someone else to control their mind. She'd sworn she was never going to let that happen. She wasn't going to let anyone inside her head but it was impossible to keep them from getting under her skin.

There were days she questioned herself why she did this job but every time she caught another killer or another rapist she was reminded of the answer to that question. She did it because she believed it was what she was born to do; she had the ability to look inside a perpetrators mind and see enough of the way they thought and acted to predict their next move and see where they made mistakes to be able to track them down. She could stop the purest and vilest of all evils.

Jane got dressed, brushed her hair and fell down on the bed. Suddenly her bones felt tired and all she really wanted was to go to sleep. Her eyes darted to the alarm clock on the side of the bed. It was half past five. She had an hour before she'd meet Deanna in the lobby. A sigh escaped her as she folded her hands behind her head and stared up at the ceiling.

Combing back to Boston had turned out to be less daunting than she thought. Frost and Korsak had treated her as if she never left. They understood better than anyone what it was like to be haunted by demons and they'd been there the day Erin Montgomery died. They'd been there at her side when she whispered to herself that it was her fault. They were the first to tell her that it wasn't true.

Jane's mind unexpectedly drifted back to the other person who had been there that day. Maura. She'd been waiting in one of the squad cars until the all clear sign had been given. She found Jane in the barn with Erin's body in her arms. It had been Maura who officially declared her dead. It had been Maura who then carefully took Erin's body from Jane's arms before helping Jane to her feet, guiding her away from the scene. It had been Maura who'd helped her strip off her bloodied clothes and placed them into the evidence bags. It had been Maura who had been there when the CSI's processed her for evidence. It had been Maura who drove her to the precinct. Maura had been the last person Jane saw before leaving her badge and gun on Cavanaugh's desk.

Jane groaned as she rolled onto her side, punching the pillow into shape as she did so. She hadn't thought of Maura like this for quite some time. Maura had been understanding in the few emails that they'd shared but somehow their lives took different turns and the best friend she'd once known so well slowly changed into somebody Jane no longer recognised. Looking back she knew that it wasn't just Maura who changed. It seemed that they couldn't be apart and still be friends.

Before she knew it, it was time to go downstairs and meet Deanna. Jane got up, grabbed her gun and strapped it to her hip. She slipped her FBI credentials into the back pocket of her jeans followed by her phone; she put her shoes back on and started for the door. She walked to the elevator and pushed the button for the ground floor. She listened to the annoying piano music and was glad the doors opened to reveal a now livelier lobby. Deanna was waiting for her by the door.

They got into a cab and Jane gave her mother's address. On the way there she pointed out various buildings and places to Deanna, who genuinely seemed to enjoy the scenery. Her heart sank when they passed one of the expensive restaurants Maura used to take her to. She could see their favourite table by the window and felt a pang of guilt when she watched the young, happy couple sharing a bottle of wine.

After a short drive the cabbie dropped them outside of Angela's house and Jane took in the surroundings. A quiet suburban street with family cars parked on the drives and toys littered in the front garden. It wasn't that different from the neighbourhood she'd grown up in and with a smile she walked up to the front door and knocked.

The door swung open and revealed her brother Tommy, beer in hand. His face lit up when he saw Jane and he eagerly enveloped his sister into his arms. She hugged him back, glad to see him again. She then introduced Deanna before the two of them walked into the house. Tommy closed the door behind them and then went ahead into the living room. Jane could smell the food immediately and her stomach grumbled.

"Hey, Ma!" she called as they walked in.

"Janie!" Angela exclaimed and walked out of the kitchen. She kissed her daughter on her cheek before turning to Deanna. "It's so nice to meet you! I'm Angela."

"Deanna. And thank you for having me," Deanna answered shyly as she shook Angela's hand.

"Go into the living room, Janie. Diner won't be much longer."

Jane nodded and followed Tommy into the living room. The TV was on and she recognised the familiar voice of one of her favourite sport broadcasters. She stepped through the door and grinned when she saw Frankie stretched out on the couch with a beer bottle on the arm rest. She was about to sit down when there was another knock on the front door.

"Somebody get that!" Angela shouted from the kitchen and Jane turned back around.

She walked back into the hallway and opened the front door. Her breath chocked in the back of her throat as she laid eyes upon the person standing outside. She know those hazel eyes and the honey blonde hair.

Outside, illuminated by the porch light, stood Maura Isles.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: **Thank you all for the reviews, folks! They have rocked my inbox!

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**Chapter 4**

Jane stared at Maura, her eyes slowly trailing down from her hair to the tip of her toes. It had been two years since she had last seen the medical examiner. Right in front of her stood the woman she'd been thinking off earlier in her hotel room, the woman who sometimes crossed her mind when she least expected it. Maura was dressed in a burgundy dress accentuated by a black leather jacket and matching burgundy shoes. The features on her face changed the moment she laid eyes on Jane. Hazel eyes widened, suddenly reflecting every imaginable emotion possible. The bottle of wine she clutched in her hand almost slipped through her fingers.

"Jane." Her voice was soft. As the name slipped off her tongue her eyes darkened, as if she was suddenly reminded of what had happened two years ago. She titled her head with confidence, her chin up, and met the detective's gaze. "You're back."

Jane's throat was dry. Her hand around the door handle suddenly felt clammy. The pounding of her heart became louder.

"Maura."

Before Jane could say anything else Angela pushed past her and grabbed Maura's arm. Her eyes briefly met her daughter's. "Don't just leave her there, Jane!"

Jane was left dumbstruck and looked on as Angela led Maura into the house. She slowly closed the door and hesitated for just a moment. What had looked like a pleasant evening with her family had suddenly turned into a confrontation she'd been desperate to avoid. She'd planned on contacting Maura tomorrow to let her know that she was back in town. Her intention had been to leave it up to the doctor to decide what they would do next. Perhaps a coffee, maybe lunch or maybe just nothing at all.

She walked away from the door and into the living room. As soon as she entered she knew the atmosphere had changed. Frankie and Tommy were looking at her, their eyes full of expectation. She knew they were looking for her reaction. Angela on the other hand flanked Maura, her gaze moving from Jane to Maura and back. Finally Jane's eyes darted to Deanna. Her poor partner was caught in the middle.

"When did you get back?" Maura asked, severing the silence that had been lingering in the room. She did her best to avoid eye contact but for a fleeting second her hazel eyes found Jane's. She stared at something on the wall Jane couldn't see.

"This morning," Jane answered, her voice thick with hesitation. "I err… I mean we…" Her eyes darted to Deanna and she noticed Maura did the same. For a moment she could have sworn that she saw hurt flash across her face but then Maura's face returned to normal. Jane fumbled with her hands. Suddenly the scars across her skin itched and burnt. "We were called in to help with the case."

"Called in?" Maura questioned in surprise.

Jane reached into her back pocket and pulled out her credentials. She showed them to Maura and watched as surprise spread across the medical examiner's face. She slipped them back into her jeans and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "I joined the Bureau."

"So Boston PD asks for help and they get you."

It was impossible to miss the accusation in Maura's tone and Jane couldn't bring herself to answer. She looked helplessly at her mother and it seemed that Angela had realised that perhaps inviting Maura to the family dinner wasn't a good a plan as she had hoped. She clumsily exited the living room with the excuse that she needed to take the lasagne out of the oven.

Jane circled the couch until she reached Maura. Two years ago she would have placed her hand on the doctor's arm without thinking but now she kept her hands firmly in her pockets. She tried to catch Maura's gaze but she wasn't letting her.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked with a hint of desperation in her voice. Maura still didn't look up at her. Although she had not seen her for two years, Jane still knew the tell-tale signs of Maura being angry. She took another step closer, entering the other woman's personal space. Pleading dark brown eyes finally connected with angry hazel ones. "Please?"

Maura finally looked up. Never before had her face reflected so much hurt and anger at once. Blazing eyes stared up at the dark haired woman in front of her. "Why?"

"I think you know why."

Maura cocked her head. "Do I?"

"Damnit Maura." Jane felt anger stir in the pit of her stomach but she was very much aware of three sets of eyes resting on her. Frankie, Tommy and Deanna were all watching her. "Don't play smart with me. I just want to talk."

Maura started for the door without speaking and Jane had no choice but to follow her. She slammed the front door behind her once they were outside and turned around just in time to see Maura walk down the steps and onto the sidewalk. She heaved a sigh and followed her but froze when Maura spun around. In a flash she was back at the warehouse after she'd shot Paddy Doyle. She'd seen hurt and anger in Maura's eyes that day in a way she'd never seen it before and she'd always hoped she would never see it again. But tonight it was there. Tonight, it was worse.

"Where the _hell _have you been?!" Maura demanded. Her voice was loud and clear and Jane had no doubt everyone inside the house could hear them. "What the hell were you thinking?!"

Jane couldn't remember that she'd ever heard Maura swear before.

The honey blonde doctor took a couple of steps towards Jane. The anger flashed behind her eyes. "You walk back in here after two years without as much as telling me you're back in Boston? You open your mother's door and just expect me to pretend like nothing happened?!"

"I didn't do that!" Jane countered, her anger triggered by the unfair accusation. "I didn't even know Ma asked you to come over. If I had…" She paused and Maura looked up at her expectantly.

"If you had then what, Jane?"

Jane hung her head. "I would have told you."

"When were you going to tell me? Were you just going to walk into the morgue?!"

"I was going to call you. Tomorrow."

Maura shook her head in disbelief. "What do you want me to say, Jane? Welcome back?"

She stared at the dark haired woman. It had been two years since she last laid eyes on Jane. She remembered the night she saw her walk out of the Boston PD precinct building, fully expecting to receive a text or phone call the next morning asking her to come over. It was how Jane coped with stress. She'd go home and curl up in her bed, never allowing anyone to comfort her in a time of grief or hurt. But whenever something happened she always called Maura the next morning, asking her to come over. When the message didn't arrive Maura had just assumed that she was still asleep. It wasn't until later that afternoon that she began to worry and drove over to Jane's apartment only to find it empty.

Six months went by until she finally heard from Jane. In those six months she'd never stopped searching for her, wondering over and over again where she was. The whole of Boston PD had been looking out for her. Maura, frantic with worry, had spent the first few days and nights waiting for news that never came. She called all the hospitals in the state as well as all the morgues. She feared the worst, at some point even believing that Jane had done the unthinkable and had driven to some spot in the middle of the nowhere and swallowed her own gun after what had happened to Erin Montgomery. She kept expecting a police officer to knock on her door to tell her that Jane's body had been found. She'd cried more tears than she knew could ever be possible and then, when the email arrives, they just dried up.

The anger didn't begin until after the emails had stopped. Whenever Jane's name popped up in her inbox it had just been a sign of life and although Jane told her that she was in Washington and Maura even offered to come and visit, Jane never took her up on that offer. A couple of weeks after the emails ended Maura had asked Frost to try and track the ip address from which the emails had been sent but Frost had been stunned to realise that he couldn't track it at all. Days turned into weeks and weeks faded into months and she never heard from Jane again. It seemed that Jane had forgotten about her and Maura tried to do the same.

Jane looked at Maura. She could see the hurt and the disappointment. "Maura, I'm sorry. I was going to call you tomorrow. I only got a few hours' notice before flying out to Boston."

"The FBI doesn't allow you to make phone calls before you go somewhere?" Maura countered. She'd folded her arms across her chest. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins. "What, have they somehow made you promise that you can't contact anyone in Boston for two years?"

Jane sighed. "I know I screwed up."

"Screwed up?" Maura echoed. Angry hazel eyes were blazing. "You gave up your job and turned your back on your family. You turned your back on me!" Suddenly there were tears in her eyes and she wiped them away angrily. The emotions she had so carefully locked away welled back up. "You denied your life and then you ran!"

Jane swallowed hard. "Maura, please… I… I didn't know how to tell you and…"

She took a hesitant step towards the medical examiner but felt her hope shatter when Maura turned around and began to walk away. She increased her pace to catch up with her and reached Maura just before she could get into her car. Instinctively she reached out a hand and took the medical examiner's arm. Once it had been such a familair thing to do. A touch neither of them would have thought about but now Maura spun around as if stung by a bee.

"Jane."

She said it warningly and Jane's hand slipped from her arm but now that the touch was gone, the warm tingling sensation that it left behind remained. She felt it travel down into her fingers as well as up her arm and to her shoulder. It crept back into her heart without warning and Maura averted her eyes. She opened the door to her car and slipped into the passenger seat. As she reached to close the door her gaze briefly found Jane's. She saw the pain, the hurt and the guilt. She even saw the tears.

She swallowed and mentally chastised herself for having let her emotions out. "Goodbye, Jane," she said stoically. "I guess I'll see you around."

With that she slammed the car door and started the engine. Jane stepped away from the vehicle and helplessly looked on as Maura reversed the car before disappearing down the road. The pain in her heart swelled up as she watched the taillights disappear into the darkness. A quiet sob escaped her before she turned around and slowly walked back to the house. She hovered outside the door for a moment before stepping back inside. The food smell immediately overwhelmed her but the sound of voices died down as soon as she walked in.

Everyone had gathered into the small dining room and they looked up when Jane walked in. Angela was about to serve her lasagne and her face fell when she realised when Jane was alone.

"Where's Maura?" she asked with a quiet voice.

Jane took a deep breath. Her voice was hollow. "Gone."

"Gone?" Angela parroted. "Gone where?"

"Gees, you tell me, Ma!" Jane snapped unexpectedly. "And while you're at it, why don't you tell me what you were thinking when you invited her to come round for dinner!"

Angela blinked, hurt etched across her face, but she didn't answer. She instead focused on piling the food onto everybody's plates and slipped into her seat. The bottle of wine Maura had brought with her stood on the table, unopened.

Jane sat down next to Deanna and picked up her fork. She poked around in her food and had a couple of bites but she was not in the mood to eat. She felt sick to her stomach and her fight with Maura still lay fresh in her mind. None of this had turned out the way she'd hoped. In fact, she couldn't have predicted that this was how Maura would have responded when their paths finally crossed.

For the next half an hour the family and Deanna ate in relative harmony, with Frankie and Angela doing their best to keep the conversation flowing and Tommy added a sense of humour to some of their tales with some anecdotes about his friends and his new job working at the nearest Wal-Mart. Once everybody had finished their lasagne Angela served he famous tiramisu, which went down a treat. All the way through dinner the bottle of wine remained unopened, like a silent reminder of the person who had brought it.

It was after ten o'clock when Jane and Deanna finally climbed into the back of the cab Frankie had called for them. Jane had been watching the minutes tick away on the clock for the last hour, desperate to leave, but it seemed that Deanna and Frankie got on better than expected. It wasn't until she mentioned the early start they would have the next morning that Deanna finally agreed to leave and she and Jane stepped out into the cool October night. There was rain in the air. Jane wouldn't be at all surprised if there would be thunder tonight.

The cabbie started the engine once Deanna had closed the door and drove out of her mother's road. Jane glanced through the rear window and saw the house grow smaller in the distance. She released her breath and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Well," Deanna said as she glanced at her partner. "That was interesting."

"That's the understatement of the year," Jane groaned.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Jane gave Deanna a sideways glance. "Do I look like you want to talk about it?"

"Actually, you do."

"_How _did you get through the Academy?"

"Jane, you can't deny that something happened tonight," Deanna interjected and Jane rubbed her eyes. All she wanted was to go back to her hotel to go to sleep and wake up in the morning to find out it had all been a dream. It seemed however that Deanna had different plans. "What happened between you and Maura Isles?"

"Nothing."

"C'mon!" Deanna countered and sat up. "Something happened."

"Even if it did, it doesn't look like I can salvage any of it," Jane answered and she stared out of the window. Boston by night was stunning and she caught her own reflection in the glass. She saw her own eyes, filled with sadness. She'd walked out of Maura's life and now Maura had walked away from her. She couldn't blame her. She had brought this upon herself. "I don't want to talk about it."

The cabbie dropped them off right outside the hotel and they made their way up to their rooms. Once upstairs they said goodnight and Jane locked the door behind her before crossing the room and stripping her clothes off before falling down onto the bed in just her panties. She wrapped the sheets around herself and curled up into a ball as the pain began to spread through her entire body. This was what it felt like to fall apart, to be ripped apart from the inside out. This was what it felt like to see everything fall apart right in front of her.

~()~

Maura closed the door to her Beacon Hill townhouse behind her and her hand searched the wall for the light switch. The living room and kitchen suddenly bathed in light. She walked across the room to the fridge and put down some fresh salad leaves for Bass. She'd seen her tortoise hiding behind the coffee table when she walked in but he showed no interest in his food just yet. She waited a few more minutes but when he still showed no signs of coming closer she sighed, switched the lights back off and navigated through the darkness to her bedroom.

She switched on the bedside lamp and sank down onto the comfortable mattress. The tears came without warning and Maura covered her face in her hands as she wept. Her shoulders shook as the bottled up emotions poured out of her without warning. She'd thought the pain was gone. She thought that she had overcome everything that losing Jane Rizzoli had left behind only to be reminded that she hadn't gotten nearly as far as she thought. Suddenly she was back at that moment she found Jane was gone, confronted with an empty apartment and an empty life. The pain was just as raw and the anger still as real.

She heaved a sigh as she got up from the bed and walked to the bathroom. She carefully unzipped her dress and stepped out of it. She washed the make-up off her face before walking back into the bedroom in her underwear. She slipped out of her panties and bra and chose a light blue silk pair of pyjamas from her drawer. The fabric felt cold and smooth against her skin and she turned to look at herself in the mirror. The red rings around her eyes betrayed that she'd been crying. She'd shed so many tears over Jane and then suddenly it had stopped. She'd moved on, or so she thought. But now she knew that nothing had really changed.

The sound of the front door opening made her look over her shoulders. Keys were dropped in the porcelain bowl on the small table next to it. Footsteps echoed across the wooden floor towards the bedroom.

"Maura, honey?" a familiar voice called. "Are you home?"

Maura glanced back at her reflection, the red marks left behind by her tears slowly fading. Some things had changed after all.


	5. Chapter 5

Happy Rizzoli & Isles Tuesday, everyone! I am so ridiculously excited for the premiere, I'm like a kid on too much sugar!

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**Chapter 5**

Jane and Deanna walked into the Homicide bull pen the next morning at 8 am sharp. Jane wore her favourite black suit with a smart coral coloured blouse and she'd tied her curls back in a ponytail after becoming frustrated with them earlier that morning. It wasn't the only thing she'd been frustrated with; the lack of sleep had left her generally grumpy and irritable and not even a cup of coffee had been able to change it.

She'd barely slept. In fact, Jane could have sworn she saw every hour on the alarm clock. By the time the sunlight fell through the partially open curtains she was about ready to rip her hair out. She took a long shower hoping it would be enough to clear her head but it only added to her emotions. There was one reason and one reason only why she hadn't slept: Maura.

Jane's eyes scanned the bullpen and the hairs in the back of her neck rose up when she saw the very reason for her sleepless night leaning over Frost's desk, pointing something out in the autopsy report. She was dressed in a pair of neat black slacks and a cream coloured blouse with silver buttons. Jane couldn't help it that her gaze lingered on the curve of Maura's spine where it changed into her hips and she felt her cheeks redden unexpectedly.

Maura turned around as if she'd felt Jane's eyes on her. Their eyes locked across the distance of the room and for a second Maura's own gaze betrayed she struggled with laying eyes on the other woman but then the distant look slipped back across her face and she feigned a smile.

"Jane."

Frost looked from the medical examiner to Jane and back, sensing something had happened between them. Maura didn't seem surprised to see Jane at all and the tension in the room had suddenly become so thick that it could be cut with a knife.

"Good morning, Maura," Jane greeted her distantly.

It hurt to be so cold. It hurt to feel so damn rejected but Maura's to reaction to her the night before had told her everything she needed to know. She'd hurt Maura in a way she'd never hurt her before and Jane accepted that there wasn't anything she could do to change that. She would have to deal with whatever happened here in Boston. In a few days' time she could hopefully leave and forget about it all. By the time she got back to Washington she could pretend that it had never happened.

Before Maura could answer the doors to Homicide opened again and Korsak walked in, clutching a stack of files. He dropped them on Frost's desk and wiped the beads of sweat of his forehead. There was dust on his jacket, Jane noticed. The older detective pointed at the files he had brought in.

"I had to go down to evidence storage to get these. They have rats in there, I tell you!"

"I thought you liked animals, Detective Doolittle," Frost joked.

"Not the rodent type!"

What are they?" Jane curiously asked and peeked inside of the files. She recognised the evidence sheets that were filled in at crime scenes and then again when evidence was brought back to the station and checked in. She furrowed her brow. "You got the evidence from the original case?"

"I thought it would be a good idea to compare what we've found so far to what we found back then," Korsak answered and he looked at Frost. For a moment they shared a quirt understanding and he then looked at Deanna. "Agent Perera, would you be able to help Detective Frost work through these and draw up a comparison? There could very well be something that was overlooked during the previous investigation."

Jane's eyes snapped into Korsak's direction and she silently willed him to tell her exactly why he was splitting her and Deanna up. It wasn't until she noticed he looked from Maura to Frost that she realised he had done it to give her and Maura some time together, clearly under the illusion that there was something they could still work out. After last night's events, Jane wasn't so sure.

The phone on Frost's desk rang and he answered. When Jane looked at her former partner she noticed how his face fell and her gut told her that whatever he'd been told, it wasn't anything good. When he hung up he looked around the group of people standing around his desk.

"There's been another murder."

Jane swore under her breath. "Shit."

"Jane, you and I go to the scene. Frost, you and Agent Perera work your way through the evidence and see what you can find." Korsak looked at Maura. She was fumbling with her fingers as if she was suddenly nervous. She picked at the medical examiner's badge clipped to her belt but looked up when Korsak addressed her. "Doctor Isles, would you like a ride?"

"No." Maura's eyes flashed briefly towards Jane and she turned on her heel. "I'll see you at the scene. Thank you, detective."

She left the bull pen, the sound of her high heels fading out into the distance.

"I guess it's just you and me then, pal," Jane said as she slapped Korsak on his back and forced herself to smile. Maura's cold demeanour had rocked her but she didn't want him to know. "Let's roll."

Once she and Korsak were gone Deanna and Frost went about organising the files Korsak had brought in. They put them out in chronological order and removed the pieces of paper they would most definitely need as well as some of the sealed evidence bag. Deanna held the plastic bags in her hands and recognised Jane's handwriting on most of the stickers. The back of her throat became dry when she picked up the bag that contained a bloodied piano wire. She turned to Frost.

"Is this the one Jane found when you caught the guy?"

Frost looked up and nodded. "Yep. That's the one. I thought she was going to be sick when she bagged that."

Deanna held the item in her open palm, imagining the horrific things Kevin Louis Richardson had done with this particular wire. He'd wrapped it around his victims' neck after he'd finished raping them. He'd tighten it slowly, knowing full well that the women would experience the worst fear possible. Slowly he would use more strength until the wire began to cut into his victim's flesh. Warm blood would flow down her neck and her breathing would become laboured and eventually ragged. Desperate fingers pulled at this wire as they frantically fought for their freedom. Perhaps he laughed as they finally let out their last breath and their bodies fell limp and lifeless at his feet.

Nausea welled up in her stomach and Deanna dropped the bag back into the evidence folder. She turned to look at Frost who was now flicking through pages of information, his face as mask of concentration. She recognised the devotion. It was the same devotion that had gotten her where she was now. She'd earned her badge through hard work and determination.

"What happened between Jane and Doctor Isles?"

Frost looked up at the dark haired FBI Agent. Once again he noticed that Deanna Perera wasn't an unattractive woman. With her olive toned skin, big brown eyes and raven hair she had inherited her father's Mexican features.

Her mother was American but the only thing she had inherited from her was her height. When she was growing up they spoke mainly Spanish at home. Home was Cupertino in Santa Clara, California. Her mother spent most of her life working as a translator, which was how she had met her father in the first place. The marriage didn't last and three kids and too many fights later her father had left, never to be heard from again. Last she heard he had returned to Mexico. Her mother raised her and her two sisters alone, doing the best she could with the little money she earned. Eventually Deanna got into college on a scholarship. It had been her ticket out.

Frost's eyes lingered on the dark haired FBI Agent. "I think it's safe to say it's a little complicated."

"A little?" Deanna asked. "Those two looked about ready to rip each other's head off and if you'd heard them last night…"

"Last night?" Frost questioned. "What happed last night?"

"Mrs Rizzoli invited us over for dinner," Deanna answered as she picked up another one of the evidence bags and inspected it. The seal was still perfectly intact. "We were about to sit down when there was another knock on the door. Seems Mrs Rizzoli invited Doctor Isles too."

Frost whistled through his teeth. "I bet Jane wasn't happy."

"I don't know." Deanna sighed. She'd seen the impression on Jane's face when she looked at her last night and she'd seen that same look again this morning when they saw Maura in the bullpen. "I get the feeling there's more to all of this than she's letting on." She peered at Frost. If the questions were making him uncomfortable he was hiding it well. She decided to just fire the question that had been playing around in her mind directly at him. "Were Jane and Doctor Isles… lovers?"

"Jane and Maura?" Frost asked, chuckling to himself. He shook his head. "No." He sighed. "Not quite."

Deanna frowned. "Not quite? What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that they never really got to that stage but if you ask me, Jane definitely had some kind of feelings for her," Frost answered. His face changed from playful to serious. The concerned partner and friend emerged from behind the mask of playful detective. "Don't you dare tell her I said that. I think Jane likes to think nobody knew."

"I understand," Deanna answered quietly.

"Why all the questions?" Frost wanted to know, a hint of curiosity evident in his voice. "Are you and Jane…"

"What?! NO!" Deanna exclaimed and a wide grin spread across her face. "Oh no, no, definitely not. I mean, Jane's my friend and my partner and I would take a bullet for her but no." She took a deep breath. "It's just that Jane's very secretive about stuff like this and she doesn't like to talk about it. But sometimes it gets to her and I struggle to work out what to do. When she gets like this she becomes impossible to read and I need a partner I can trust, you know?" She looked up at Frost and he nodded. "I need to know she is there all the way, ready to cover my ass when I need her too."

"I understand," he answered. "You want to know if she's not becoming preoccupied over what happened between her and Doctor Isles and forget what she's really here for."

Deanna sighed. "I know it sounds awful but the Bureau wants us to catch this guy and fast."

Frost sank down in his chair and shook his head. "You know, I've seen Jane deal with plenty of cases. Even Hoyt…" He allowed himself a moment to remember what Jane had been like when Charles Hoyt escaped custody, forcing himself back into Jane's life. He hadn't been part of the team when they first investigated him but he saw what his memory did to Jane. He saw that same haunted look in her eyes when they worked the Alphabet Killer case. "We all have this one case that will bring us down. Sooner or later it will find us." He pointed at the files in front of him. "This was Jane's."

"But you caught him."

"Not in time. Not according to Jane, anyway. Kevin Louis Richardson is the monster that hides under Jane's bed even more so than Charles Hoyt was. Even though they're both dead I think this case will be the one that will haunt Jane until the day she hands in her badge." Frost looked solemn. "When it came to Hoyt, she managed to save his last victim. With this one, she didn't."

Deanna looked down at the evidence in front of them with sadness in her eyes. "We can't save them all, Detective."

"I know that," he answered. "They even teach it in the Academy. They warn you for that one case that will get under your skin. It will haunt you everywhere you go. There will be the one case where you see a victim's face in a mirror or hear a voice down the street." He reached for one of the evidence bags on the table and picked up the one containing the bloodied piano wire. "There's a case out there for all of us, Agent Perera. There is one for each of us who decides to bring these monsters to justice. Somewhere out there evil is hiding and it's waiting to creep under our skin when we least expect it." He looked up at her and their gazes locked. "All we can do is hope we catch it first."

~()~

Middlesex Fells Reservation, better known as the Fells, was a Massachusetts state park that stretched out between Malden, Medford, Melrose, Stoneham, and Winchester. Measuring well over thousand acres, it was a popular spot for dog walking, hiking, running and mountain biking. During the weekends it would often attract families but during the week it was a lot quieter, attracting small groups of hikers and the occasional off road runner or rock climber. The reservation had two features that stood out; Fells Reservoir which served as the water supply for the town of Winchester and Spot Pond.

Korsak pulled his car up alongside the narrow road and got out. Jane followed. The area was alive with cops, state troopers and the local sheriff's department. Yellow crime scene marked the crime scene and Jane felt her stomach tighten into a knot as she squeezed her hands into a set of gloves. Her heart pounded in her throat as she followed Korsak across the soggy grass and rotting leaves. As they walked se took in their surroundings. It was normally a quiet, off road spot. The killer had to have stopped and physically moved the body to the grassy area between the trees, Jane thought. It wasn't difficult to do an especially at night it was easy not to be noticed.

She wasn't surprised to see Maura already kneeling beside the body, a gloved hand just pulling out the thermometer from the victim's liver and writing the result down on her clipboard. Jane had spotted Maura's car a little further down the road. The only reason she and Korsak only got here now was because he missed a turn and they had to come back on themselves.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Korsak asked just before they reached the yellow tape. He turned to look at the dark haired woman behind him. "You don't have to do this, Jane. I got it."

Jane shook her head. "No," she said huskily. "I need to do this."

Korsak lifted up the tape so she could step onto the crime scene. She was careful to follow the footprints left behind by the person who had first found the body and eventually circled around until she came face to face with both Maura and the victim. Jane's stomach dropped and the bile rose up without warning. It was as if she was staring back into the past and she wiped her nose with the back of her hand. The first signs of decomposition had already kicked in, one of them being the smell.

"It looks identical," Jane said softly as Korsak approached. She pointed at the deep flesh wound across the victim's neck. "Another piano wire." Her eyes scanned the surrounding area. She didn't see one. "No sign of one here. Could be that the killer has recycled this one too." She took a careful step forward, her eyes peeled on the dead woman's face.

She had short cropped dark red hair and her once green eyes had glazed over. Her skin was pale and covered in bruising, another sign of decomposition starting. Dried blood clung to the marks around her neck. One hand lay next to her hand, her fingers spread and partially covered with leaves. The other arm lay beside the body, fingers clenched as if she'd desperately tried to hold on to something. She was completely naked and Jane's eyes trailed over the swell of the victim's breasts. They'd been mutilated with small cuts. She took a deep breath as her gaze lowered across the dead woman's abdomen. A large number nine had been carved into her stomach.

"Rigor mortis is complete," Maura said unexpectedly. Her voice cut through the silence and drew Jane's attention towards her. She'd watched Jane take in the crime scene and was struck by the sheer volume of pain she saw in her eyes. Jane's face was a mask of torture and pain.

Jane's eyes snapped up. "Meaning she's been dead for about twelve hours." She looked at Maura. "Add to that the time it took to actually kill her…." Her voice faded. "He took her not long after I got here."

"I'll know more once I've performed the autopsy," Maura answered and pushed herself up out of the mud she'd been kneeling in. "But the timeline appears to be consistent with your observations, yes."

Jane looked at Korsak. "Two victims in three days. He's spiralling."

"You think that's what it is?"

"The original Alphabet Killer only killed once a week. This copycat is attacking women a lot closer together," Jane pointed out. "There isn't much of a cooling off period which means he isn't allowing himself a lot of time to seek out and stalk his next victim."

"You sound like one of those profilers," Korsak grinned and Jane chuckled too.

"That's because I happen to know one."

She reached into her pocket and took out her cell phone. She scrolled through her recently dialled numbers and fund the one she was looking for. She took a few steps away from Korsak and turned her back on the crime scene as the phone rang. A familiar voice answered on the other side of the line.

"_Hey, I wasn't expecting your call till at least tomorrow."_

"I need your help," Jane said and glanced back over her shoulder. Her eyes unexpectedly met Maura's and she turned away. "How fast can you get on a flight to Boston?"

"_For you? I'd walk there if I had to."_

Jane grinned. "Just get here as soon as you can. I'll pick you up." She smiled. "I'll see you soon. Bye."

She hung up and walked back to Korsak. He was talking to the state trooper who had found the body but before she could reach him Maura walked into her line of vision. Jane froze when the medical examiner showed no intention to move way.

"I wanted to apologise for the way I reacted last night and this morning," Maura said as she clutched her bag. Regret was etched across her face. "It's not like to me act in such a way. I'm sorry. I was out of line."

Jane looked at Maura in surprise. "I think is fair to see that neither one of us handled it very well," she answered quietly. She rubbed her hands together as the scars on her palms began to itch. Through her eyelashes she peered at Maura. The honey blonde looked almost shy. "I'm sorry too."

"I thought that since you're going to be here for a while it would be best if we both tried to at least get along," Maura said clumsily and Jane noticed the way her cheeks seemed to flush. "Will you be attending the autopsy with Detective Korsak?"

"I'll try," Jane answered and it was a genuine promise. "I'll see what I can do."

"Ok," Maura answered with a little smile. She started walking and filed past Jane. Before she ducked under the yellow tape she turned back and caught Jane looking at her. Hazel eyes found dark ones. "I'll see you later, Jane."

"Yes," Jane answered quietly. "Yes, you will."


	6. Chapter 6

**Note:** Hey guys, there seemed to be some questions as to why I didn't answer immediately who was with Maura at the end of chapter 4. It wasn't detrimental to the story at that point as it was something I planned to pick up on later on but I understand that there are people who really want to know. So I have rewritten this chapter to answer some of your questions but I will not give anything about the plot away. The summary clearly states _Rizzles_ but my stories are generally slow burners so it will take time for it to get there. I know this isn't everybody's cup of tea and that's fine too. I'm just putting it out there.

Now, more importantly, have we survived the premiere? I know we saw a certain person who perhaps ought not to have recovered from surgery so fast (if at all…) but the Rizzles moments pretty much exploded off our screen!

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**Chapter 6**

Maura arrived back at the morgue before the coroner's van did. She got changed into her black scrubs, ready to perform the autopsy, and was now arranging her tray of tools in preparation for the body's arrival. She worked meticulously, having a particular order in which she wanted her equipment to be laid out. She preferred to do this alone, without the company of others, because their presence only disrupted the mental mind set required to focus. In the minutes before an autopsy Maura preferred to be alone long enough to prepare herself for what she would face. It didn't matter how many bodies she'd seen, death still surprised her from time to time. Unlike most people Maura wasn't afraid of death, maybe because she'd seen it in every imaginable shape or form. To her death was just another part of life, like getting up in the morning or going to bed at night. The bodies she saw on her table, although still human beings became objects that needed to be understand. Maura focused on the how of death, not on the question as to why people died.

The sharp ringing of her cell phone disturbed her and her eyes snapped up. The device lay on a metal set of drawers to her right and she glanced at the caller ID. A familiar name flashed across the screen and with half a smile Maura removed her gloves and answered.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi, am I disturbing you?"

"No, not really," she answered as she ran her fingers through her hair. "Just preparing for another autopsy. I should be finished here in a few hours."

"I _did _disturb you, didn't I? How many times do I have to tell you that you can't lie, Maura?"

Maura grinned, although there was nobody there to see it. Her eyes darted to the clock and she frowned. The diary she'd seen in the kitchen earlier that morning had clearly spelled the word SURGERY across the whole of the day.

"Why are you calling me? Shouldn't you be in surgery by now?"

"I'm about to go in. It will be a long one. Nine, ten hours probably so I'll be home late. I just called to remind you about dinner tomorrow night at my parents'. My sister has flown in from Indiana and she can't wait to meet you."

"Of course," Maura answered. "How could I forget?"

"I was going to mention it last night but you were already asleep when I came to bed and you were gone by the time I woke up." There was a pause. "Sometimes I feel like we're passing ships in the night, Maura."

She stared down at the floor, the grip on her cell phone suddenly tightening. It had been subtle but she'd picked up the accusation. "Death doesn't have an alarm clock, Matthew. I don't decide when I'm called in any more than you get to decide when your pager goes and someone needs surgery."

"I know," he answered and she could hear him sigh. "I gotta go, Maura. I'll see you when I get home."

He hung up and Maura looked down at her phone before putting it down. It was rare for Matthew to call her in the day. When they just got together he used to call and text her all the time but now they had fallen into some kind of routine where text messages were a thing of the past. With their busy schedules it was a real struggle to find time together and there were many times where even the days they were off together would be taken from them when his pager went or her cell phone rang.

Maura turned back around and looked at her tray of tools. She and Matthew had been seeing each other for a year and a half after crossing paths during one of the cases she worked alongside Detectives Frost and Korsak. The death of a young man had led them to Beth Israel Medical Center. Matthew had been the brain surgeon they spoke to and afterwards he had asked for her number. She thought he was a little bit direct but accepted his invitation to go on a date anyway. The bronzed skin and intense blue eyes drew her in without warning.

He took her to a lovely French restaurant she'd never been to before and afterwards they walked along the river. They never stopped talking. As they both worked in the medical field there were plenty of stories to tell and he understood the pressure of her job the same way she understood it. After that first date things had moved fast. After six months he moved in with her. He introduced her to his family and she was reminded of the world she had grown up in. Matthew's family owned a large colonial house in one of the most upscale neighbourhoods in Boston. His father was a retired ADA and the family was well known in influential circles.

Maura was snapped out of her musings when the door the morgue opened and Detective Korsak was in. She realised he wasn't alone when Jane walked in after him and she felt herself tense up. She grabbed another pair of gloves, slipped them on and turned her back on the two visitors as she continued to prepare her tray.

"Body not here yet?" Korsak asked.

"The van's stuck in traffic," Maura answered and quickly glanced at Jane. The dark haired woman curiously looked around. The morgue had changed since she was last here. "Again." Her eyes continued to linger on Jane. "Are you sure you want to do this, Jane?"

She looked up. "Yes," she answered. "If we're going to nail this bastard then I need to see this one through from beginning to end."

Maura nodded. "Ok."

The sound of a vehicle reversing towards the back entrance of the morgue made all three of them look up and Maura walked over to the double doors that separated the morgue from the delivery area. A couple of minutes later she walked back in, clipboard in hand, accompanied by the two guys driving the coroners van. They wheeled the gurdy into the morgue and lifted the black body bag onto the table. Maura gave them back the clipboard after scribbling her signature at the bottom and then she slowly turned back to the table.

She became aware of Jane standing closely behind her and the hairs in the back of her neck stood up. Suddenly her heart was hammering against her chest. Adrenaline began to pump through her veins and she could tell her hands were shaking when she reached for the zip on the body bag. As Maura leant in, Jane did too.

"Her name is Iris Van Buren," Jane said as Maura unzipped the bag. She covered her nose with the back of her hand as she smell of decomp hit her. She wasn't the type to dab Vaporub under her nose like many other detectives and agents she knew. Her eyes briefly darted to Korsak. With the years he spent in BPD, he didn't need the scent of menthol either. His face remained stoic and her gaze dropped back down to the body. "This brings the entire body count to nine. Five by the original Alphabet Killer and four by our copycat."

"How many serials have you worked since you joined the Bureau?" Korsak asked.

Jane's eyes darkened. "Too many." She jerked her head. "It never ceases to amaze me how many sickos are out there."

"Figures estimate that at any one time there are at least twenty-five active serial killers across the whole of the US," Maura stated. "But thess are rough estimates and some say the number is actually a lot higher."

Jane glanced at the medical examiner. "How reassuring."

Maura slowly peeled the body bag away from Iris Van Buren's body and inspected it. Once she was satisfied there wasn't any trace evidence inside the bag she began to scrape the woman's fingernails and placed whatever she found under them in small brown envelopes. She then proceeded to comb her hair, collecting lose strands and what looked like pieces of rotting leave onto a piece of white paper before sliding it into another evidence envelope.

"Have you thought about the reasons why the copycat is doing this?" Maura asked as she moved the light across the table from the victim's head to her chest and leant in with a small set of tweezers. She pulled some pieces of wood and what looked like grass from the cuts that formed the number nine carved into her stomach and looked up at Jane. "We know why the Alphabet Killer did it. Why is the copycat doing this?"

Jane looked at Maura and their eyes briefly found each other. She couldn't help but smile as she instantly thrown back into the past. She didn't know how many hours they'd spent standing around this table discussing the cases they worked. She heaved a sigh.

"Copycats can have all sorts of reasons," she answered. "Sometimes they're just looking for their own way to be noticed. They're trying to identify their own style but they have to copy somebody else first before they find their own signature. Sort of like a practice round." She looked at the number nine in Iris Van Buren's stomach. "This guy isn't doing that. If he was, he would have changed his MO by now. He isn't trying to be different from the original; he's trying to be exactly like him."

"Could it be a groupie?" Korsak asked and he frowned. "A fan, perhaps?"

Jane shook her head. "I don't know." She looked at Korsak. "I asked a friend of mine to come to Boston to try and help us out. She should get here first thing tomorrow morning."

"A friend?" Korsak asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

"She's a profiler," Jane answered with a smile but she didn't miss the way Maura suddenly turned away from her, focusing again on the body of Iris Van Buren. "She studies serial killers for a living. It's what she does. If anyone can get into this guy's head, it's Megan."

"Is she a shrink?" Korsak curiously wanted to know.

"No," Jane grinned. "She's not so you don't have anything to worry about."

"Jane?" Maura interrupted them and she slowly picked something up with her tweezers. Hazel eyes squinted as she looked at what she'd found and her heart rate quickened. "You may want to see this."

"What is it?" Jane took a step closer to the autopsy tale and her arm brushed against Maura's.

"A hair," Maura answered ad she held it up against the light over the table. There, between Maura's silver tweezers, sat a long blonde hair.

"Iris' hair is red," Jane pointed out.

She didn't want to acknowledge the excitement she suddenly felt inside. There could be plenty of reasons why there was a hair on the body. More than a dozen people had trampled across the crime scene today. It could have come from any one of them. It could have been blown onto the body by the wind or it could even have been on the inside of the body bag.

"I'll have it checked for DNA," Maura said as she slipped the air into a small plastic bag and sealed it. "DNA of everyone connected to the medical examiner's office and BPD is on file to rule out any cross contamination during investigations. If this hair belongs to anyone inside the department, we'll know."

Jane's eyes found Maura's. "And if it doesn't?"

"Then it could belong to our killer and we're one step closer to finding him."

Korsak's phone vibrated and he checked it. "Frost," he said. "He and your partner have found something in the files they want me to see." He looked up at Jane. "Are you good down here? One of us should probably stay and see this through."

"I'm good," Jane reassured him as he started for the door. "Go check if your partner hasn't corrupted mine yet."

Korsak left and suddenly there was just the two of them. Maura had circled the table and now stood across from Jane. She'd managed to peel the body bag away from underneath the victim's body and placed it on the empty table behind her. She then let her gloved fingers run along the arms and legs of Iris Van Buren, looking for any obvious fractures or marks. She didn't find anything other than the rising. She then picked up one of the syringes from her tray and Jane flinched as Maura jammed the needle into the victim's neck. She pulled back the plunger and dark red blood filled the syringe. Maura repeated the procedure two more times before she was satisfied she had everything she needed.

"I'll have the lab analyse these," she said without making eye-contact.

"Chloroform?" Jane asked.

Maura nodded. "If it's there, the tests will find it."

"Do you ever think about it?" Jane asked unexpectedly. Maura's eyes snapped up.

"Think about what?"

"The day we thought this whole thing was over?"

Maura heaved a sigh. It was the day Jane left Boston. She couldn't deny there were times she still thought about that day. In fact, she thought about it often. Too often, perhaps. Over time she'd learnt to mentally chastise herself if she did, telling herself that times had changed and she had moved on. Hundreds of other victims had come across her table since Erin Montgomery.

"Yes," she admitted. "I do."

Jane swallowed. "I'm sorry, Maura. I realise I never apologised for leaving without telling you where I was going." She looked down at her scarred hands. People would see them and assume she'd been in some kind of accident. Not many people knew the truth about her scars, and those were only the ones that were there for the world to see. "I know now that I should have told you and I'm sorry."

"You had your reasons," Maura said. She bit back the rest of the sentence she'd planned to say. Instead she carefully rephrased herself. "If you had felt there was another way, I know you would have stayed."

Jane sighed. "I'm sorry, Maura. You deserved more than that."

Maura put down the scalpel she'd just picked up. Somehow she couldn't focus on performing the actual autopsy with Jane still in the room. She couldn't shake the feeling that had crept up on her the moment she first laid eyes on Jane. It was the reason she pretended to be asleep when Matthew came to bed last night and it was the reason she got up extra early to avoid him. She couldn't face him right now. Not while Jane was here. She peeled her gloves off and dumped them on the side table. Hazel eyes snapped up and she looked at Jane.

"I can't do this."

Jane blinked, caught off guard by Maura's sudden change around. "What can't you do?"

"I can't work like this," Maura explained. "I… I thought I was okay with you being here but I'm not." She took a deep breath. "I understand that you need to be here for the case but you and I…" She severed the eye contact. "You and I need to talk. Really talk."

"Okay," Jane said slowly. "I can do that. I can talk. Do you… do you want to do it now or later?"

"Later," Maura decided. "I need to finish this autopsy and…" She remembered Matthew telling her that he would be home late. She stared down at Iris Van Buren's body, unable to look Jane in the eye. "We can talk tonight."

"Do you want to come to my hotel?" Jane asked and she realised how wrong that sounded and quickly added, "Or there's a bar around the corner. It doesn't look anything fancy but it seems decent enough. It's a place neither of us has been to so we're on even grounds."

"Ill meet you there at six," Maura said without looking up.

Jane backed out of the morgue and once the doors had closed behind her she felt a sense of despair well up in her. She turned back around and peered through the small window. Maura had walked back around the table, now clutching her scalpel, and she started the autopsy. Jane's gaze lingered on the honey blonde medical examiner and her eyes eventually fluttered shut, her forehead resting against the door. It seemed that everything she tried to touch crumbled right in front of her eyes.

She didn't blame Maura. There was nothing to blame her for. She'd been the one to walk away two years ago. Maura's life had changed and she didn't resent the doctor for having moved on in some kind of way. They both had; one way or another. Sometimes people just drifted apart. It happened. She'd seen it before.

Jane started for the elevator and pressed the button for the fourth floor. When she reached the Homicide bullpen she found Korsak, Frost and Deanna standing in the incident room, looking at something that had been pinned into the middle of the white board. She could tell from where she was standing that whatever it was had drawn their attention and she quickly walked over to them.

"What have we got?" she asked and her partner turned around.

"Detective Frost found something interesting in the dates the last four bodies were found compared to the dates of the previous bodies," Deanna pointed out. "Well, for the first one anyway."

"The anniversary of the Alphabet's Killer first victim was three weeks ago," Frost began and he pointed at the picture of Frances Julliard, the first victim of the copycat. The date her body had been discovered was scribbled underneath it and the estimated time of death as worked out by Maura underneath that.

"They match," Jane said softly. "Maura estimated that Frances died two days before her body was discovered, making it the exact same date that the Alphabet Killer murdered Abby Fitzgerald. "It's the exact same date, just two years later." She looked at Deanna and read her partner's mind. "Anniversaries are often considered triggers for those obsessed with a particular person. Not just someone obsessed with a serial killer but for ordinary people too."

"If someone celebrated the anniversary, wouldn't it be more logical to pick the anniversary of his death?" Frost asked.

"For us, maybe," Jane said slowly. "But not to the copycat. They're fascinated by the Alphabet Killer. He's celebrating the date the killer was born, not when he died."

"Do these other dates mean anything?" Deanna asked. "Gina McKenzie and Hannah Anderson?"

Jane frowned and looked at the pictures more closely. "Iris Van Buren's time of death was some time yesterday afternoon. Hannah Anderson died two days before she was found; making it four days ago. Gina McKenzie was killed the week before." Her dark eyes lingered on the dates associated with their time of death, not the date they'd been found and suddenly a sickening feeling welled up inside her. She could taste the bile in the back of her throat and suppressed her gag reflex but colour drained from her face.

"Jane?" Deanna asked. "What is it?"

"These dates," Jane pointed at the board. "They do mean something but not to the copycat."

"Then to who?"

"To me."

Deanna's eyes snapped up. "What?"

"October third," Jane began and pointed at the pictures of the first and sixth victim, "is the day that Kevin Louis Richardson killed Abby Fitzgerald. When her body was found a few days later, I was put on the case." She moved on the picture of Gina McKenzie. Frost's handwriting spelled out the dates underneath it and she pointed at the date she'd died. "October ninth is my mother's birthday."

"Oh my God." Deanna's whisper was barely audible and she followed Jane with her eyes as she moved to the last picture on the board.

Jane reached the last picture, the one of Hannah Anderson. She held still, her back turned towards the other people in the room. She had never felt more nauseous in her life. "Hannah Anderson was killed on October the fourteenth."

Frost looked at her. "That's your birthday."

Jane slowly turned around and looked at Korsak, Frost and Deanna. Dark eyes scanned each of their faces and she could see their concern. Once again she'd walked into the sight of a serial killer. Deanna's hand covered her mouth and she could see the hint of hear fear in her partner's. Jane pushed her hands into her pockets, pretending to be more casual an relaxed than she really felt and took a deep breath.

"Whatever this copycat is doing, it's not just about the Alphabet Killer. It's about me." She looked back at the board behind her. "Whoever they are, they've spent time studying me. They know these dates mean something to me. Every date so far has had a meaning."

"What about Iris Van Houten?" Deanna asked softly. "What's the connection there?"

"It's the day I came back to Boston. The killer knows I'm here."


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys, enjoy this chapter. I have the next one finished and it will be up in a couple of days. I'll be away over the weekend but hope to sneak the update in somewhere. The song in this chapter is "Let It Hurt" by Rascall Flatts

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**Chapter 7**

The fact that the killer was targeting Jane to get her attention changed the way they looked at the crime scene photos that were stuck on the whiteboard. It made them reanalyse every bit of information they had and they spent the remainder of the day trying to fit other pieces into place but other than the dates they couldn't find anything else that tied the killer to Jane. There were no hidden messages, no obvious signs that pointed at something she wasn't seeing. It seemed that the killer had done whatever he deemed necessary to get her attention and now that he knew he had it, Jane could only wait and see what he would do next.

By the time the clock struck four she was tired. Her eyes burnt in her head and she'd shrugged herself out her blazer hours ago, now sitting with her head in her hands at the table covered with paperwork. Her head felt about ready to explode and her stomach grumbled for the fifth time. They'd worked through lunch and other than a chocolate bar and two bottles of water and one stale coffee, Jane hadn't eaten anything.

"You look like hell," Deanna observed from the other side of the room. She'd been watching her partner for the last ten minutes and recognised the signs of exhaustion. She'd only seen Jane with her head in her hands a few times in the two years they'd worked together, and rarely on the first day. She crossed the room and leant across the room.

"Go back to the hotel, grab a shower and go to bed."

"I can't," Jane answered as she lifted up her head. "I'm meeting Maura."

Deanna arched an eyebrow. "Really?"

She knew that look. It was the look Deanna always gave her when she thought Jane was about to do something she'd end up regretting. When it came to her emotions, Deanna was an open book. Jane liked that about her. It saved her a lot of time trying to figure out what she was thinking. She could trust Deanna to always be honest.

"Is there some reason why I shouldn't?" Jane retorted, a little sharper than she had intended. She held her partners gaze. "We're just gonna talk."

"If you say so." Deanna cocked her head.

Jane looked at Korsak and Frost who were standing by the white board. The younger detective had turned around when Deanna spoke to Jane and although he tried really hard not to listen to their conversation, it was impossible not to. Jane met her old partner's eyes. She sighed, giving him an apologetic look. "Could you two give us a minute, please?"

"Sure," Frost answered and he and Korsak left the incident room.

Once they were gone and the door had closed behind them Jane stood up from her chair and turned to face Deanna. She didn't have to be an FBI Agent to sense that Deanna had a different opinion on her meeting Maura tonight. Deanna had never been one to hide exactly what she was feeling and Jane had to remind her more than once that sometimes it was best to keep quiet. Sometimes speaking your mind did have its disadvantages.

"Do you have some kind of problem with me meeting Maura?" she wanted to know.

"No," Deanna answered. "Not as long as you are perfectly clear on the reasons why you're meeting her."

Jane ran her hands alongside her blouse. "Okay," she began. "Maura and I have history and we didn't exactly part on the best of terms. There are some things that we need to talk about if we have to work together on this case. It's the only way we're going to be able to work together. I don't see what's wrong with that."

"Have you told her about Megan yet?" Deanna asked directly and from the way Jane's face fell she could tell that she hadn't. "I see. Why haven't you told her?"

"It hasn't come up yet," Jane answered and averted her eyes. "We haven't exactly had a chance to catch up."

"So she doesn't know Megan is on her way here?"

"Yes, she does."

"But she doesn't know that she's more than just another profiler working a case?"

"I don't see what this has got to do with me meeting Maura tonight!" Jane countered. "Last I checked, you're my partner and you have my back when some perp pulls a gun on me but you don't get to decide what I can or cannot do in my private life." Dark eyes were blazing. "This is exactly the reason why I didn't want you to know about me and Megan."

Deanna studied Jane's face. "You're not just my partner, Jane. You're my friend and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"We're just going to talk," Jane reassured her. She couldn't quite believe she was actually having this conversation with her partner. "I don't need you to hold my hand." She turned around and started for the door after grabbing her blazer from the back of her chair. She froze when Deanna spoke again.

"I know you're in love with her."

"What did you just say?" Jane said. Her voice was dangerously low. Those who knew her well had learnt that this was a warning sign. She slowly turned around and looked at Deanna. Her partner had crossed her arms in front of her chest, challenging Jane to disagree with her.

"Doctor Isles," Deanna answered. "I know you're in love with her. Or you were, once."

Jane didn't answer. When Deanna first found out that she and Megan were seeing each other, she'd been worried about her partner's reaction. To her relief Deanna was perfectly cool with it. The reason Jane was nervous wasn't because she didn't think Deanna wouldn't accept it but the fact that she was friends with Megan. She had introduced them, without the intention of them becoming more than friends. They'd just hit it off and one night, after a long case had come to an end, Megan had driven her home. For reasons Jane still didn't understand she'd spent the night. That was a little over a year ago. Deanna had only found out seven months into their relationship.

The Bureau was a little less happy with their relationship and minimized the time they spent together, making it difficult to find enough time in the week to see each other. Sometimes it was inevitable that their paths crossed and they had managed to keep their relationship strictly professional. Other than their superiors and Deanna, nobody else knew.

"I've seen the way you look at her, Jane."

"C'mon! Are we really having this conversation?!" Jane raised her hands into the air. "Really?!"

Deanna leant against the table. "Jane, I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't think you were about to do something you'll regret later on."

Jane rolled her eyes. "It's been two years, Dee. For all I know Maura's moved on too." She registered the sharp pain near her heart too late and it caught her by surprise. It took her breath away and she realised with a shock that the thought terrified her. "I just want to give Maura the opportunity to ask me why I did what I did. She's my friend. Or she was. I owe her that much at least."

Deanna raised her hands in defeat. "If that's what you think you need to do…"

"I have to," Jane said softly. "For both of us."

"What time does Megan's plane land?" Deanna asked as Jane opened the door.

"Ten o'clock tomorrow morning."

"So I'll see you back here?"

Jane nodded. "Yeah. See you tomorrow."

She left the incident room, patted Frost on his back on her way out and exited the bullpen. When she reached the elevator the full force of the conversation she just had with Deanna hit her. She looked back over her shoulder, struck once again by how torn she felt since walking back into this building. It seemed that this was the place where her life had begun to fall apart and now that she'd managed to build some of it back it up, it felt like it was all about to fall down again.

Jane stepped into the elevator when the doors slid open and was glad to see she was on her own. She crossed the lobby when she got downstairs and hailed a cab outside. She climbed into the back and gave the driver the address of her hotel. She rested her head against the window and watched how Boston flashed by outside. The leaves of the trees had changed into shades of red, amber and brown. She loved the colours of fall. Although the skies were permanently grey and it rained almost every day, there was something about the way the colours across the city changed. Soon the trees would be stripped bare of their leaves and they'd litter the streets, wet and broken.

She thought about what Deanna had said. I know you're in love with her.

She had been, once. God, she'd been in love with Maura like she'd never been in love with anybody else before. It was the raging type of the love; the kind that ravaged you like a forest fire, burning everything in its path. It was the kind where she'd wake up in the morning and Maura was the first thing on her mind. And it was exactly because of how she felt that Jane never said anything. The love she harboured inside was just too great, too intense. The thought of Maura rejecting her, telling her that she just saw her as a friend, was the one thing she'd never be able to face. She'd rather have Maura as a friend than not have her at all.

But I lost her anyway, Jane thought, because I left her.

She looked down at the scars on her hands. Maura had walked into her life not long after Hoyt had been arrested. She'd been a blessing in disguise. Being the only person not affected by Hoyt, Maura brought a fresh wind to Jane's life. Eventually Maura still got caught up in the horrors of Hoyt but she'd been at Jane's side throughout it at all. The things they went through together had shaped their friendship in such a way that, for a while, Jane actually believed nothing could rip that apart. It turned out that the one thing that could rip them apart was Jane herself.

The song playing on the cab's radio filtered into the backseat and the lyrics seemed to suddenly grab her heart and slowly strangle it.

"…_So let it hurt, let it bleed, let it take you right down to your knees. Let it burn to the worst degree  
May not be what you want, but it's what you need. Sometimes the only way around it is to let love do its work, and let it hurt…"_

Oh it hurt alright, Jane thought as she scrunched her face up into a mask of pain whilst staring out of the window. It hurt.

__She'd moved on since leaving Boston. Her life in Washington wasn't bad. She owned a nice condo in an upscale part of town, drove a half decent car for once and she enjoyed her job. Megan had a key to her place and she liked coming home and finding her sitting on her couch or padding around her condo on her bare feet in just a pair of jeans and a tank top. Somehow it made her life feel a little less empty.

Jane looked up when the cabbie pulled up outside her hotel. She paid him, walked into the lobby and pressed the button for the elevator. As she stepped inside she realised with a shock that she felt butterflies in her stomach. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She was nervous about meeting Maura later.

She got out on her floor, swiped her key card and stepped into the safety and shelter of her room. She locked the door behind her and began to unbutton her blouse. She left it on the bed and it was joined by her pants after she kicked off her boots. In her underwear she walked into the bathroom, switched on the shower and walked back into the bedroom. She opened her suitcase and pulled out the jeans she'd worn the night before. At the bottom of her case she found a simple black tank top. She never went anywhere with plenty of those in her case. She then turned to the wardrobe where she'd hung up her work clothes and picked the red leather jacket off the coat hanger.

Jane took a quick shower, taking care to wash her hair and carefully scrub her skin until she was sure she'd erased every trace of today. There were times where she'd spent almost an hour in the shower in a desperate attempt to rinse off the horrors she saw every day. It seemed that she never really felt clean.

With a standard issue white hotel towel wrapped around her Jane padded back into the bedroom, switched on the TV and flicked through the channels until she found ESPN. She listened to the commentary as she got dressed. As she slipped the tank top over her head she glanced at the clock. It would be another hour till she'd meet Maura. Jane sighed and sank down on the bed.

~()~

Maura stood in her wardrobe, wondering what to wear to het meeting with Jane. She's gotten home half an hour ago and after feeding Bass some strawberries and taking a shower, she was now contemplating three different outfits for tonight. She'd eliminated a dress just on the basis that she wanted to be comfortable and although the dress was stunning, it felt a little like a straightjacket at times.

She sighed as she picked a pair of white linen pants, a light blue button up blouse, white sandals and a silver necklace. She brought them back into the bedroom and carefully laid them out on the bed. As she turned to the mirror her gaze was drawn to the silver photo frame on the bedside table. It had been taken last year, when Matthew unexpectedly took her skiing. His arms were wrapped around her neck, her arm rested across his waist. They were both smiling. Maura sank down on the bed. To anybody else the picture would be a perfect reflection of happiness and, for some time, it had seemed that way to her too.

Seeing Jane stand in her mother's doorway had rocked her world in a way Maura couldn't even begin to describe. The Italian woman hadn't changed a bit. Her hair had gotten a little longer perhaps but other than that it was as if Jane had just walked straight out of her memory. Maura didn't think she'd ever be able to forget the look in Jane's chocolate coloured eyes. She didn't think she'd ever be able to deny that her heart had done something she didn't believe possible. It had started beating again, really beating again. The dullness she'd felt for so long had suddenly disappeared.

Maura took a deep breath, forced the thoughts into the back of her mind and got dressed. She brushed her hair, put on a very small amount of make-up and sprinkled some perfume behind her ears. As she looked in the mirror she was confronted with the sight of a confident woman, the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Nobody else could see that beneath that mask another woman was hidden.

She left the bedroom, took her car keys out of her bag and stepped out of the door. She climbed into her car, started the engine and reversed off the drive. Her heart pounded in the back of her throat as she drove downtown, to Jane's hotel. The roads were busy and she got stuck twice. She cursed under her breath, chastising herself for having forgotten about the horror of Boston rush hour.

When she eventually pulled up outside the hotel she was still on time but later than she would have liked. She got out of the car, slipped the keys in her purse, and crossed the road. Jane had mentioned the bar around the corner from where she was staying and it wasn't difficult to find. It seemed a nice place, with fairy lights in the trees and candles in glasses on the tables.

Maura peered through the windows to see if Jane was inside but she couldn't see her. She contemplated going inside or waiting outside but just as she was about to step into the bar, she heard someone call her name.

"Maura?"

She turned around to see Jane walk up to her. Suddenly she smiled.

"Hi."

Jane brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and reached for the door, opening it for her. Their gazes briefly locked. "Hey."

Jane followed Maura into the bar and let the doctor decide where she wanted to sit. She chose a table in the back of the room, partially hidden in the shadows. A tea light flickered in a glass jar on the table as they slipped into their seats. Jane folded her hands under the table and glanced around. The bar was quiet. A couple of business men sat at the bar, a stash of paperwork and a tablet between them. Other than that there was nobody else here. She glanced back at Maura and felt a lump in the back of her throat when she found hazel eyes unexpectedly looking back at her.

She nervously smiled. "I'm glad you came."

"Me too," Maura answered. The hint of nerves in her voice matched Jane's. "So… here we are…"

"Yes." Jane stared down at the table and chewed the inside of her cheek. "Here we are."


	8. Chapter 8

**Note:** I am away on a family trip until Monday soI'm afraid this will have to do for a little while. Enjoy.

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**Chapter 8**

Jane walked back to their table with a glass of red wine in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. The bartender had served her quickly and she'd resisted looking over her shoulder to see if Maura was watching her but now that she walked back she could see the medical examiner's eyes were on her. She slipped back into her seat with a grin and slid the wine glass to Maura across the table. Their gazes locked.

"Thank you," Maura smiled as she picked up the glass and took a careful sip from the burgundy liquid. She nodded her head in approval. "It's lovely."

Jane cocked her head and arched an eyebrow in amusement. "Not too chalky?"

"No," Maura said softly. "It's fine."

Jane leant back. The features across her face softened and her fingers drew meaningless shapes on the side of her beer bottle. "If you would have told me last week that I'd be sitting in a bar with you tonight I wouldn't have believed it."

Maura looked down into her lap. "Neither would I."

Jane didn't miss it. It was Maura's quiet sign that she was upset. She took a deep breath. "Maura, I've been a jerk and I'm sorry."

Slowly the honey blonde doctor looked back up. "A jerk?" she questioned. "Jane, you walked out on everyone. Not just me but your mother, your brothers, Frost and Korsak. You just turned around and disappeared." A hint of anger flashed behind her amber eyes but it disappeared only to be replaced with sadness. "I thought you were dead."

"Maura…"

"I thought that you'd gone some place and done the unthinkable," Maura continued. The hurt in her voice was unmistakable. "I had this image of me walking into a morgue to identify your body because I knew your mother wouldn't ever be able to face having to do that." Her voice broke. The thought of Jane dying was enough to destroy her piece by piece. "For six months I wondered what happened, Jane. You never called."

"Maura, I'm so sorry," Jane whispered and she leant across the table, her hand now hovering over Maura's. She waited, almost as if she sought permission, and when Mayra didn't jerk away she let her fingers ghost across the back of her hand. "I… I didn't know what to do. I know I should've called but I… I was confused, I was angry. I didn't want to think about what I left behind in Boston because I knew that if I did, I would have done the very thing you feared."

Maura's eyes found Jane's in disbelief. "You really would?"

Jane's eyes fluttered shut as the whirlwind of emotions welled up in her. Anger, hurt, grief, confusion, sadness. It was a lethal mixture and she'd fought them for a long time after her arrival in Washington. They had been what made her excel as an FBI Agent. Those very emotions drove her to do the things she did now. They had shaped her, changed her, into the woman she had become. Her eyes opened again and she looked at her hand covering Maura's. A touch that had once been so familiar, so simple. She'd taken it for granted, even back then.

"Yes," she admitted. "I have little doubt that I would have."

"What happened?" Maura whispered. Her eyes suddenly swam with tears. "What happened to us? You were my best friend, Jane. What happened that made things end this way?"

Jane didn't have an answer. She'd asked herself that question many times. She didn't know why the emails had stopped. The only thing she did know was that the reason she'd ignored Maua's offer to come and stay was because of Megan. They'd just gotten together and she wasn't ready for anyone to know it at the time. She peered at Maura through her eyelashes and was struck by her beauty. The weak candle light on the table highlighted all the beautiful features she'd grown to love so much.

"I wish I knew."

"Are you happy, Jane?"

The question was unexpected and Jane almost spat her beer back into her bottle. When she glanced over the edge of it she found Maura directly looking at her, an intense glare in her hazel eyes. The question wasn't meant to catch her off guard but it had and Jane needed a moment to compose herself.

She carefully put her glass back down and manoeuvred the beermat until it was lined up perfectly with a stain across the wooden surface. "Yes," she answered. Carefully she looked up. Maura's eyes didn't betray anything. "Are you?"

"Yes." Maura sounded somewhat reserved. "Yes, I am. I errrr…." She stared down into her wineglass, suddenly unable to make eye contact. "I'm getting married."

"Maura, that's wonderful!" Jane exclaimed excitedly. Too excitedly.

Maura's eyes darted around the bar, looking at anything but Jane. When her eyes eventually came to a rest on the dark haired woman sitting across the table she felt something break inside her chest. Something she thought had been broken a long time ago but now broke all over again. Her slender fingers trailed the shape of her wineglass and she just nodded, as if to add extra meaning to her words.

"His name is Matthew," she began. "We met on a case about a year and half ago." She realised too late that she was rattling but there was nothing she could do about it now. The moment got the better of her. "He's a brain surgeon at Beth Israel. He asked me out on a date and I said yes. Not sure what I was thinking at the time but I did it anyway." Hazel eyes found brown. "Must be that gut instinct you kept telling me about."

Jane had never felt so small in her all her life. Although she told herself she expected Maura to have moved to on, to hear her talk about this wonderful surgeon she'd met and would soon be marrying made her feel sick. _Well done, Rizzoli,_ she thought to herself as she picked up her bottle and downed the remainder of her beer in one go. _You've really fucked up this time. _

"Good," she said, masking her pain. "I'm glad." She put her bottle back down and dark eyes found Maura's. She couldn't bear hearing anymore and she brought the conversation back to the one thing she knew she'd be comfortable discussing. "There's something you need to know. About the case."

"What is it?"

"We found something," Jane answered slowly. "Something that could explain the copycat's motive."

Maura seemed puzzled. "Really?"

Jane explained the discovery about the dates and as she laid them out for Maura she watched how the fear and surprise flickered in the other woman's eyes. When she mentioned her birthdate and the day she arrived into Boston connected to the days two of the victims had been killed, the colour drained from Maura's face.

"Jane, are you sure about this?" Maura asked once Jane was finished and she nodded.

"Positive. We've spent all afternoon looking for other connections. We haven't found anything yet but I know this has got something to do with me," Jane said. She brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and turned to the bar. She signalled the bartender to bring her another beer and looked at Maura. "I was the lead detective on the Alphabet Killer's case. If this copycat is trying to tell us something, he's trying to do it through me. He clearly tried to get my attention." She shrugged. "Well, he's got it."

Maura swallowed hard. "You do realise what the next letter in the alphabet it, don't you?"

"Yes," Jane answered. It had hit her the moment she made the connection to the dates. "It's J."

"Do you think he'll come for you?"

Jane shook her head. "I don't know. Why go through all the trouble of trying to get my attention and lure me back to Boston to then kill me?" She fell silent when the bartender but a new glass in front of her and she picked it up. "Somehow it doesn't seem to fit the rest of the profile. If you're that desperate to get someone to notice you, you don't turn around and kill them when they finally do. I think he's trying to tell me something. I just don't know what it is."

Maura didn't answer. Now that she knew the murders were connected to Jane she was confronted with that old familiar feeling; fear. She'd felt it for the first time when Hoyt escaped prison and came for Jane a second time. She felt it every single time after that when Jane was in trouble. She'd never been more scared in her life than the day Jane shot herself. As she fell beside her on the steps of BPD Headquarters, her hands desperately applying pressure to the gunshot wound on Jane's side, she realised that the one thing she was most afraid of was losing Jane.

Maura looked up. Jane was staring out of the window. She watched how the flame of the candle reflected in those coffee coloured eyes. A melancholy feeling welled up in the pit of her stomach and picked up her wineglass. The alcohol left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. _I lost her anyway, _she thought. _A long time ago._

"You'll find him, Jane," she said softly and now it was Maura who leant across the table. Her hand covered Jane's and she felt the scars beneath her fingers. She'd always been the only one who was allowed to touch them. Whenever someone else reached to touch her hands, Jane would jerk away. The dark haired woman tore her eyes away from the window and met her gaze, suddenly very much aware of Maura's hand covering her own. Maura tried to smile. "You always do."

"I don't know," Jane answered sadly. "I let him get under my skin the first time. I can't allow that bastard to pull that stunt again." She bit her lip. "I have to find him before he kills someone else."

"What are you planning to do? Call every woman in the Boston phonebook whose first name starts with J?" Maura asked. She shook her head. "You can't save them all, Jane."

"I wish I could." Her voice was constricted with tears.

"We all do," Maura said quietly. "But sometimes we have to understand that we do lose sometimes."

Jane snorted. "You and I should know."

"I've missed you."

It was out there before she really realised it and Maura's cheeks instantly flushed red when Jane's dark eyes found hers. For a split moment neither of them even dared to even breathe. They just looked at each other, trapped in what felt like an everlasting moment of silence with Mayra's hand still covering Jane's. She could feel the nervous twitch of Jane's fingers underneath her own and tightened her grip, preventing her from pulling away. She didn't know why she did it. She just had to.

Jane's voice was husky when she spoke. Brown eyes softened and a little smile tugged at her cheeks. "I've missed you too."

Maura smiled too. A warm feeling spread from her hand up her arm, across her chest and down her legs to the tip of her toes. The endorphins were rushing through her veins. "It's really good to see you, Jane."

Her throat was dry and her heart pounded in her chest. There had been so many moments like this before she left. Moments that she took for granted because they had just become part of her life. It wasn't until after she left that she learnt she ought to have cherished them. It were moments like this that had made her fall in love with Maura in the first place. The simple things that were so easily overlooked were the ones that made all the difference.

"Do you… I mean… would you like to go for a walk?" Jane asked clumsily.

Maura glanced out of the window. "Jane, I think it's raining."

"Oh." She looked disappointed.

"But I'd love to."

Jane's head snapped up in surprise and watched how Maura got up. She quickly followed, left a couple of bills on the table to pay for the drinks and then followed the medical examiner to the door. When Maura opened it Jane realised that she was right. It was raining. Maura glanced at Jane, half a smile lingering across her face and she stepped outside. Jane followed.

The temperature had dropped and the October wind was bitter. It whipped around their faces as they walked. Thick drops of rain fell from the sky, instantly drenching their clothes. Jane pushed her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket, wishing she'd worn something slightly warmer and a chill crept down her spine. She looked at Maura who had finished buttoning up her coat. She stared at the pavement as she walked.

"Would you consider coming back?" she asked unexpectedly after a couple of minutes of silence.

"What? To Boston?" Jane asked and Maura nodded.

They were walking along the street, their faces lit up every so often by a streetlamp. It was quiet. Most people had sought shelter from the fall weather inside one of the hotels or bars. There was barely anyone out on the streets. They walked side by side, their arms occasionally touching. The sound of Maura's heels against the stone was smothered only by the sound of rain falling on the leaves over their heads.

"I don't know," Jane answered and noticed how Maura looked up long enough to see the look in her eyes but then averted her gaze once again. "It's been a long time, Maura. Things have changed."

"I know," Maura answered. "They've changed for both of us."

Jane stopped in her tracks. "I don't think I could come back."

Maura stopped too and turned around. Jane stood behind her, pain suddenly etched across her face. "Why not?"

"Because nothing's like it was."

Maura walked up to the raven haired woman. Jane's curls stuck to her forehead and a drop of rain slid down the side of her face before disappearing into the collar of her jacket. Her shirt was wet and clung to her body. She was so cold she could barely feel her fingers. Suddenly going outside seemed like the worst idea imaginable.

"Jane…"

Maura's voice was soft and she was so close that Jane could feel her warm breath against her skin.

Jane shook her head and caught Maura's hand before it could brush the wet hair out of her eyes. "Don't do this, Maura," she whispered.

"Do what?" Maura breathed.

"This," Jane sighed and she let go of Maura's hand. Hr fingers almost entwined with Maura's but she pulled away. She bit back her tears. "I think this was a bad idea."

"A bad idea?" Maura echoed. "Why?"

"So many reasons," Jane replied. She caught Maura's gaze and recognised that questioning look. "What do you want me to say, Maura? That I regret walking away from you, from everything? Because I do. I know what I did was stupid but I've found my way now and so have you." She forced herself to smile, even if it hurt. "We're different people now, Maura. We can't put back together what was broken because we'll only end up cutting ourselves on the pieces. Some things… well, sometimes they are just better left the way they are." She looked back over her shoulder. They had just passed her hotel. "Maybe I should go."

"Wait!" Maura called after her. "Jane, don't leave." She grabbed the other woman's arm. Tears glistened in her eyes the street lamp highlighted all the broken features of her face. "Don't leave me again."

"Maura…"

"You said we'd be in this together," Maura reminded her. Her voice broke and she succumbed to her tears. "You said we'd do this together, back when the Alphabet Killer first struck. We're still in this together so please, Jane, don't walk away from me."

Jane reached out and gently brushed the tears away from Maura's cheek with her thumb. "Don't cry," she shushed and stepped closer until she could envelope Maura in her arms. Now that she held her she realised what it was she'd missed. She had missed feeling this complete. She rested her chin on Maura's head, threading her fingers through her hair and her grip on the medical examiner tightened as Maura's arms slipped around her waist, her head resting against Jane's chest.

"I've made mistakes, Maura," Jane whispered into her ear. "I can't change what I've done."

"You don't have to," Maura answered.

She looked up and her hazel eyes locked with Jane's. The world around them seemed to stop and suddenly there was just them. Was this what it had come to? Did really only really see each other now that they were trapped in another life, in a different world? Her grip on Jane's waist loosened but she did not break the eye contact. What she saw in Jane's eyes reflected what she felt so deep inside. What she had always felt.

Jane leant in and rested her forehead against Maura's. "Maura…"

"Don't say it," Maura whispered and she rose to the tip of her toes. "I don't want to know."

Without warning warm, soft lips were suddenly pressing against Jane's. After a few long moments she pulled away, tearing apart a moment that was filled with both sadness and bliss. Tears glistened in her eyes as she turned her face away, embarrassed and ashamed by what she had done. The turmoil of betrayal grumbled in the depths of her stomach but the sense of longing, to just be free, grew overwhelmingly strong.

Jane's fingers slipped under Maura's chin and she gently pulled her back towards her. Before the honey blonde doctor could look up Jane's lips were on hers. This time it was less hesitant. It was as if with in the passing seconds the last little bit of doubt had begun to slip away. Jane's fingers threaded Maura's hair as she pulled her deeper into the kiss and she could feel the other woman smile against her lips. Dark eyes fluttered shut when she felt Maura's tongue pressing against her lips and she carefully, tentatively, met her with her own. The world just seemed to freeze.

It was Jane who pulled away when the need for oxygen became too strong. Dark eyes slowly opened and were greeted by glistening amber ones.

"I… I'm with someone…," Maura began but Jane covered her mouth with her finger. "Jane... I shouldn't..."

"I know," she whispered. "It's just another thing on the long list of things I've screwed up." She gently cupped her cheek. Maura's skin was warm against her hand. Brown eyes apologetically searched Maura's face and she sadly smiled. "I know I've lost you, Maura."

Her hand slipped away from Maura's cheek and she turned around, ready to walk away. She stopped when Maura's fingers closed around her wrist and pulled her back. Their eyes locked and Maura shook her head.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," she breathed as she stepped closer to Jane. Their bodies were mere inches apart and even in the dim light of the streetlamp Jane could see the sudden desire flash behind Maura's eyes. Maura licked her lips. Suddenly they were dry. She swallowed the young in her throat away. "I… Jane… Please… take me inside."

Jane's eyes widened. "Maura…"

"Please," Maura insisted and her fingers grazed the inside of Jane's wrist. "Otherwise we'll never know. Please."

Jane took a ragged breath and then grabbed a firm hold of Maura's hand. Without speaking they crossed the road and she led the honey blonde through the lobby to the elevator. They stood silently side by side, their faces now lit up with brutal honesty as the elevator light pointed out every single feature. They stared down at the floor, their hands linked. When the doors slid open Jane stepped out first and Maura was right behind her.

They walked across the hall and Jane's eyes lingered for a moment on the door across from her own, remembering what Deanna had said just before she left BPD Headquarters. When she felt Maura's body pressed flush against her own, the swell of her breasts against her back and soft lips at the base of her neck, her heart rate increased and she swallowed hard. Trembling took the key card from her pocket. The door swung open and she and Maura stepped into the darkness of her room.

The light came on automatically as they walked in and Jane turned around faster than Maura expected. She caught a glimpse of the darkened eyes, flickering with lust, and Jane lost the last little bit of self-control she still had. Suddenly hungry lips crashed together and hands roamed freely, peeling away items of wet clothing with ease and skill. Warm bodies pressed together as they stumbled backwards, leaving behind a trail of abandoned shoes and clothes.


	9. Chapter 9

**Note: **Well, I'm back from my weekend away with the family. I've also started work again after having been off for 7 weeks so free time is a little harder to come by. My inbox exploded after the previous chapter and I liked reading people's different reactions to what happened between Jane and Maura. I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter as well.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

Jane woke to the sound of rain. It pounded against the window and lulled her back into the land of the living. Coffee coloured eyes fluttered open as the sound penetrated her mind. She lay on her stomach, with the bed sheets wrapped around her naked body. The bed was cold, she noticed, and she slowly turned her head to find that the other side of the mattress was unoccupied. Tentatively Jane reached out a hand to find the sheets cold.

"Maura?" she called softly, her voice low and raspy as if she'd smoked too many cigarettes the night before.

The images of the previous night came flooding back to her. _Maura._ She'd been here, in her arms and in her bed. They'd made love in a way Jane had never made love to anyone before in her life. Somehow Maura knew her in a way that nobody else had ever done. Jane felt the familiar throbbing between her legs as she remembered Maura's body, wet from the rain, pressed against her own.

She sat up when there was no answer and her eyes darted around the room, lingering for a moment on the alarm clock beside the bed. 5.45 am. It was still dark outside but dawn was only an hour away. Jane's gaze drifted around the room and fell onto the clothes spread across the plush carpet. She recognised her own but noticed that Maura's clothes were missing. Maura was gone.

"Fuck," Jane hissed as she slipped out of the bed. She flinched when she stepped on her badge and the plastic pierced the delicate skin between her toes.

She was butt naked but for once she didn't care. She padded across the room and stepped into the bathroom hoping that perhaps Maura had just taken a shower and was still in there. She knew, deep down, that she wouldn't find the medical examiner but as she walked into the empty bathroom, Jane's heart sank.

She turned on the shower and turned to the mirror to face her own reflection. She saw the dark purple bruise left behind just below her collarbone and her index finger circled it, remembering how Maura's searing lips had left it there. Tears welled up in her eyes without warning and she suppressed a sob as she stepped into the shower. Jane winced as the water poured down on her head.

_What have I done? _She thought as she rinsed her hair and tilted her head so that the warm water flowed across her face.

Maura had left sometime during the night. Jane didn't know when. All she remembered was that their time together had felt endless and that they had fallen asleep in each other's arms. She'd heard Maura's heart beat and felt it against her chest. But sometime after that Maura had slipped out from under the covers and from under her arms, took her clothes and left.

_She_'s_ getting married, _Jane remembered and covered her face in her hands. Tears mixed effortlessly with the water pouring across her skin. Somewhere deep inside she ached and the pain began to spread. It crept into her chest, filling up her heart, before it found a way into every other part of her body. Jane had never felt pain like it and she shivered. Her head snapped up when she remembered she was meeting Megan at the airport later her stomach turned.

She scrubbed herself down as best as she could, leaving her skin red raw, and stepped out of the shower. She dried herself off, slipped into a pair of black pants, a baby blue blouse and her blazer and brushed her damp curls out of her face. The dark rings around her eyes betrayed the lack of sleep and the turmoil she felt inside. Jane noticed her hands were shaking as she put on her watch and the nausea was overwhelming. When she turned around and saw the tangled sheets on the bed she felt every piece of her heart break inside her chest.

Jane left her room after picking up her badge from the floor and strapping her gun to her waist. Her footsteps echoed hollow along the hotel corridor as she walked to the elevator. She pressed the button for the lobby and stared down at the ground, unable to look at herself in the mirror for another moment longer. Gone was the longing, gone was the intense feeling of warmth she'd felt when Maura had kissed her. All that remained was shame, pain and resentment.

As she stepped outside she hailed a cab and glanced up to the grey skies. The rain fell in sideways sheets, relentless and unforgiving, and thunder rumbled in the skies over Boston. Large muddy pools of water had formed on the streets and she had to take a step back when the cab pulled up so that the dirt didn't spray up her pants. She climbed into the backseat, slammed the door and as she sat down she came to the heart wrenching conclusion that Maura had to have done the same thing in the middle of the night. She tried not to envision the forlorn sight of the honey blonde woman standing outside her hotel in the pouring rain but it was too late; the image had already etched itself onto her brain.

"Where to?" the driver asked and his voice knocked her out of her thoughts.

"Logan Airport arrivals, please," Jane answered. Her voice was constricted with tears and she caught the cabbie's eye as he curiously checked his rear view mirror, intrigued by the woman who had just gotten in.

She'd be way too early to pick Megan up but anything was better than staying in her room, surrounded by Maura's scent on her sheets or the confrontation with Deanna that would be inevitable. Jane rested her head against the window and watched as the raindrops slid down the glass. Traffic was still quiet. The only cars about were taxies ferrying people from one place to the next. Within the hour the roads would be gridlocked with commuters on their way to work.

The drive took the best part of half an hour, all of which Jane spent playing the events of the previous night over and over. She could still see Maura's eyes as they stood outside in the rain. She'd looked so hurt and so broken just before their lips met and Jane could barely bear the guilt of knowing that she was responsible for all of that. She'd lost herself in those sparkling hazel more times than she dared to admit and last night had been no different. She'd lost herself in Maura completely, just like she had always done.

Meeting Megan after leaving Boston had been a fluke. She hadn't been looking for a relationship. In fact, she didn't even want one but there was a downside to being alone and away from Boston and that was the loneliness. There was never anyone waiting for her at home or in a bar when she finished work and she'd missed the times where there was someone who would smile at her and could take the demons of her job away. Although Megan saw plenty of monsters herself, somehow she always managed to chase some of Jane's shadows away. But there had been one thing not even Megan had been able to erase; the memory of Maura.

She looked up, startled, when the cab pulled up in the taxi rank and Jane reached into her pocket to pay him. She then clambered out of the vehicle and quickly walked into the arrivals terminal. It was busier than the morning she had arrived here and she made a beeline for the first available coffee bar. After ordering herself a double latte and picking up a donut she found herself a quiet table to sit. She took the lid off her coffee and just stared at the liquid in her cup whilst picking away at her donut without actually eating it. The minutes passed slowly. Too slowly.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket and Jane fished it out. Her breath hitched when she saw those two words flash across her screen. Maura Isles. Her finger hovered over the 'accept' button but then moved to the 'ignore' one. She pressed it and released the breath she'd been holding as she put the device down next to her coffee cup. She half and half expected it to ring again but the screen remained blank. Maura didn't call back.

By the time she'd drank half her coffee and torn her donut to pieces without eating a single bite, Jane got up. She walked around the airport, wandering in and out of the shops. None of them really interested her but she just wanted to kill time. When her phone vibrated again she almost ognored it but checked the caller ID at the last second and saw Deanna's name.

"Hey," she said as she answered. "What's up?"

"I knocked your door. Where are you?" her partner asked.

Jane rang her fingers through her curls. "At the airport," she replied. "I'm meeting Megan, remember?"

"This early?" Deanna questioned. When Jane didn't answer she continued, "I was just curious how it went with Maura last night."

Jane swallowed hard and chewed the inside of her cheek. "It went allright," she answered and did her best to sound calm and normal. If Deanna found out what had really happened she knew that shit would hit the fan. The lump in her throat almost made it impossible to talk. "We talked."

"What about?"

"Stuff."

"Jane, c'mon. You haven't seen her for two years. Surely you must have talked about something?"

"She's getting married."

Saying the words out loud only made her hurt even more and Jane's grip on her cell phone tightened so much that her knuckles turned white. What she and Maura had done was wrong on so many levels. Maura was engaged. Jane was seeing Megan. She didn't even know where to begin to try and explain what had led them to end up sleeping together. All she knew was that they had.

"Really? Wow."

There was a stumbling sound and Jane guessed that her partner was still in her room, probably getting dressed. Judging from the slightly distant and hollow sound she suspected that Deanna had put her phone on speaker. She smiled to herself.

"People do that, you know," Jane heard herself say. Somehow the words came out without her mind really registering what she was saying. "They get married."

Deanna chuckled. "Normal people do, Jane."

"Are you saying I'm not normal?"

"I'm saying you're not the marrying type."

Jane thought about those words for a second and her eyes were drawn to the board that displayed the scheduled arrival times for the incoming flights. It would be another two hours until Megan's flight landed.

"Listen," she said, "when you get to BPD, get Frost and Korsak to organise the incident room ready for when Megan and I get there." She swallowed hard. "And ask Maura to join us. I think she should hear the profile too."

"Why don't you call her?"

"You do it," Jane answered quickly. Too quickly. "I don't really want to intrude on her too much."

"OK," Deanna answered. "I'll see you when you get here."

"Yeah, see ya."

She hung up and then scrolled through her missed calls. Maura's name popped up and her heart started beating faster. She knew deep down that she should have answered her call when it came through but she couldn't change it now. She pressed the 'call' button and brought the phone back up to her ear. It rang once, twice and then a third time. It continued to ring and eventually Jane reached Maura's voicemail. A single tear glistened in the corner of her eye when she heard the other woman's recorded message.

"_You have reached the voicemail of Doctor Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner. If you leave a message I'll get back to you as soon as I can."_

"Maura, it's me. I'm sorry I didn't answer your call earlier. I guess… errr… I guess I didn't really know what to say. I still don't. I just… I noticed you were gone when I woke up this morning and I wanted to say I'm sorry. I.. I don't know what else to say. If you get this message, will you call me, please?"

~()~

Maura played Jane's message for the sixth time. Red marks across her cheeks told the silent story of where her tears had been and her shoulders shook as she heard the other woman's voice fill her kitchen again. When the message finished she finally ended the voicemail and turned around, fresh tears streaming down her face again.

She knew that she should have regretted what happened between her and Jane but the realisation that she didn't had startled her. It had first hit her when she slipped out from under the soft sheets and quietly got dressed. When she turned around to see Jane still fast asleep in the bed, dark hair cascading down her back and her arm stretched out, covering the spot where Maura had been, she realised that all she really wanted was to get back into bed and never leave. When she closed the door to the hotel room behind her she knew that the best thing she could do was walk away and go home. Jane's hotel room, Jane's bed, was not where she belonged.

It had been a little after half past two when she got home. The front door had been locked but Matthew had left the chain off. She'd locked up behind herself and removed her shoes before walking over the wooden floor, careful not to wake him. She'd padded into the guest bathroom, took a shower and changed her clothes. As she washed herself she erased any trace of Jane still lingering on her skin. But the water couldn't wash away the memories and the images flashed before her eyes as soon as she dropped her guard. She couldn't forget Jane's searing lips against her own or her slender fingers carefully unbuttoning her shirt, soft fingertips grazing against her glowing skin.

She'd curled up on the couch with a blanket and a pillow but couldn't sleep anymore. Just after six o'clock she heard Matthew's footsteps in the bedroom and a few seconds later the door to the living room opened and he found her. He'd kissed her forehead and asked her where she'd been. For the first time in her life she lied and looked someone in the eye when she did it. The fact that she felt nothing, not even guilt, whispered to her that something had changed.

"I got called out to another scene," she'd answered and never even blinked as the words rolled off her tongue. She looked him straight in the eye and she lied. Perhaps it was because she was the daughter of a notorious mob boss and somehow those genes got the better of her or maybe it was just because she really wanted him to believe her. More than that, she wanted to believe herself. "I took a cab home but I didn't want to wake you. I know how tired you get after a long surgery."

They had breakfast together and he made her fresh orange juice. He looked through the morning paper as she stared through the kitchen window, watching the rain pour outside. Matthew then took a shower and got dressed. He kissed her goodbye. On her cheek, because she turned herself away from him. She doubted he even noticed.

Now she was alone, in the quietness of her own home. A home, she remembered, Jane had visited countless times. There had been moments where she almost believed Jane lived with her. She had her own drawer full of clothes; her beer had been in the fridge, she cooked more grilled cheese sandwiches in Maura's kitchen than she did her own and her cereal and instant coffee had their own place in the cupboard. Now there was white wine in the fridge and Matthew's organic granola in the cupboard. There wasn't any instant coffee and the smell of grilled cheese sandwiches had been long since forgotten.

Maura was snapped out of her musings when her phone rang and she spun around. Her heart sank when she noticed the unfamiliar number flash across her screen and answered. "Doctor Isles."

"Hi, Doctor Isles, this is Agent Deanna Perera," said the woman on the other side of the line. "Jane's partner." Maura didn't need reminding who the other woman was and felt irritation coil in the pit of her stomach at the use of the word 'partner'. "Is this a bad time?"

"No, it's quite allright," Maura answered, biting back her disappointment that it wasn't Jane who called her. "How can I help you, Agent Perera?"

"Our profiler will be joining us later to set up a more detailed and in depth profile of our copycat. We think it would be a good idea if you joined us. After all, you've been working the case since the beginning. Your opinion would be very much appreciated."

"Of course." Maura heaved a sigh. She wished there had been some kind of way she could avoid going to BPD today. The idea of facing Jane terrified and unnerved her. She wasn't sure she would be able to cope with laying eyes on the other woman and feeling the way she felt. "I'll be there."

"Great. We start at eleven. I'll see you then."

Maura ended the call and tossed the phone onto the island counter. Her eyes drifted around her living room. Since Matthew had moved in there had been some changes. He'd brought a leather armchair that she absolutely hated. He sat in it most nights, reading one of his medical journals. A couple of football awards dating back to his time in High School had somehow found their place on her bookshelf. She never really noticed them before but now she saw them properly for the first time.

She swallowed hard but the lump in her throat didn't move. Maura averted her gaze and stared down at her left hand. She hardly ever wore the ring Matthew had given her when he asked her to marry him because it would catch on the inside of her glove, causing it to tear. It was kept safely in her jewellery box and she only wore it on special occasions. She stared at her ring finger and wondered, for the first time, if it was all worth it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Jane waited in the arrivals hall. Her gaze was drawn to the screen that told her Megan's flight had landed half an hour earlier and she noticed the palms of her hands had become clammy. Her heart beat in her throat and every time the doors opened she felt her anxiety levels rise. Every cell in her body wanted her to turn around and walk away, leave this whole mess behind and never look back. She wasn't sure she could look Megan in the eye. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to.

The doors opened again and she looked up just in time to recognise the familiar dark blonde curls that belonged to Megan Lewis. Jane's heart sank into her shoes as she watched her girlfriend look around, clearly wanting to find Jane. She swallowed hard and took a step forward, walking into Megan's line of vision. The smile that spread across the other woman's face had once warmed her heart but did nothing now. It only added to her guilt and to her shame.

"Jane!" Megan smiled when she reached her and quickly pecked her on her lips.

"Hi," Jane answered awkwardly and offered to take Megan's small suitcase. She severed the eye contact and started walking. "How was your flight?"

"Not bad," Megan answered. Her green eyes searched Jane's face and noticed the dark rings around her girlfriend's eyes. Jane looked pale and tired. "Jesus, Jane. You look awful!"

"You would too if you'd spent the last couple of days looking at some of these crime scene photos," Jane answered without thinking. She cast Megan a sideways glance. "I'm glad you're here, Megan. We really need your help. I've asked the others to set up for our arrival. They should be ready soon."

"I read the file during my flight and started a preliminary profile," Megan answered. She'd detected Jane's professional demeanour and understood that this wasn't a personal trip. They were both here to work. "I think I have enough to work with but any more details would be most welcome."

"We're waiting on some results from the lab," Jane answered and raised her hand to hail a cab as they exited the arrivals hall. The skies had begun to clear and she could even see a little bit of sunshine behind the grey clouds. She held the door so that Megan could get in and then proceeded to put her suitcase into the trunk. She allowed herself a moment to gather herself before joining her girlfriend in the backseat and shivered when Megan's hand came to a rest on her knees.

"It's good to see you, Jane," she said and leant in. "You know this trip ruined our dinner plans, don't you?"

"I know," Jane said and stared out of the window. "I'm sorry. I didn't know Sorenson wanted me to work this one. I didn't even know he was familiar with the Alphabet Killer."

"More people know about it than you think, Jane," Megan said and Jane looked up at her in surprise. "The Alphabet Killer's profile is one of the profiles that are being studied by criminologists and FBI agents alike. You don't think they at least looked into who worked the case back in Boston? How many Jane Rizzolis do you think there are?"

Jane sighed and clenched and relaxed her fists. "Figures. No wonder everybody always looks at me when we catch another serial."

"You'll catch this one, Jane," Megan said softly. "You did it before."

Jane shook her head. "Look that that cost me."

The Alphabet Killer had taken everything from her. He robbed her off her life in Boston. He took away the faith she had in herself as a cop and he destroyed the relationships she had built. He tore her apart, piece by piece, until he gave her the final blow when Erin Montgomery died in her arms. It was this case that had forced her away from everything. It was the Alphabet Killer that had made her walk away from her family, her friends and Maura.

Maura.

As the name crossed her mind Jane subconsciously flinched and sighed. She'd lost everything because of this case and it looked like with the copycat on the loose, history was about to repeat itself.

The drive to BPD Headquarters took about half an hour and Jane gave Megan some of the details that hadn't been in the case file she read on her way here. She stuck to the case and the case only. They had a working relationship and a professional one and they managed to keep them separated quite well. Megan was here because Jane needed her help as a profiler, not because she needed Megan as a person.

When they arrived at the station Jane went ahead and led Megan into the elevator. Walking into the building left her heart racing and she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She couldn't look at herself and stared down at the floor after pressing the button for the Homicide Department. When the doors slid open Jane checked her watch. It was almost half past eleven.

She pushed open the doors leading to the bull pen and Megan followed her in. Jane's eyes were instantly drawn to the incident room across the room and her throat became dry when she saw Maura through the glass. She wore a simple black silk shirt tucked into a pair of white pants and she and her back turned towards Jane. Jane couldn't tear her eyes away from her and was instantly thrown back to the moment the previous night when she had held Maura in her arms. Everything suddenly hurt.

"So this is where you used to work," Megan said and looked around.

"Yeah," Jane stammered and pointed towards a set of desks. "I used to sit right over there but they've changed things around a little since then." She started for the incident room, her heart pounding with every step she took. It was as if the world moved in slow motion. "We should join the others. They're waiting for us."

She opened the door and her eyes almost immediately found Maura's as the medical examiner turned around. A look said more than a thousand words and what Jane saw was hurt and shame. Maura's face betrayed the pain she felt but she quickly averted her gaze and restored herself. She busied herself with one of the files lying on the table in front of her and didn't speak when Jane and Megan entered.

"Megan," Deanna said as she recognised the blonde woman. She smiled. "Good to see you." Her eyes flashed from Jane to Megan and back and a slight frown spread across her face when she noticed the way Jane fumbled with a pen as she slipped into one of the two remaining empty chairs on either side of Maura. There was nowhere else for her to sit.

Korsak and Frost introduced themselves and then Megan sat down on the other side of Maura. She looked around the table and her gaze briefly rested on Jane. "Right, I'm only here because Jane asked for my help. I'm not here to take your case from you or anything else. I'm here to work with you, not against you. I know many cops aren't keen on profilers because they feel like they talk too much and do too little."

"What can you tell us?" Korsak asked and he leant back in his chair.

"To understand the copycat we have to understand the person he's copying," Megan began. "Kevin Louis Richardson was a sociopath. He was unable to feel anything. He did not feel happiness or sadness but he also did not feel remorse or guilt. If he had not been stopped or killed he would have carried on killing. The killing itself wasn't a compulsion but the way how he killed his victims was. He liked order and structure in his life and amidst the chaos he created this for himself by killing these women in a particular order and in a particular way."

"That's why he stuck to the alphabet," Frost said. "It was almost like a safety net."

"Exactly," Megan answered. "However, our copycat doesn't have the same reason. More often than not copycats are people who are looking for their own fifteen minutes. They have become fascinated with a serial killer and their notoriety and they want that same thing for themselves. Think if the Zodiac Killer's copycat. The original Zodiac killer terrorised San Francisco in the sixties but the copycat roamed the streets of New York in the late eighties and early nineties."

"But we know that our copycat isn't looking for their own fifteen minutes of fame," Frost said. "We've found evidence that suggests the copycat killed these women the same way the Alphabet Killer did to lure Jane back to Boston."

"This copycat has a different motive," Megan said and her eyes found Jane's. "He used dates that meant something to Jane in order for her to spot the connection once she got here. He assumed that since she'd worked the original case she would also be placed on the new one. He may even have known that Jane no longer worked for BPD but transferred to the FBI."

"Are you suggesting he was stalking her?" Korsak wanted to know.

Megan shook her head. "No, not per se and definitely not in the way most stalkers do. He may have familiarised himself with Jane enough to find out where she was and what she did. Birthdays are quite easily to find out. Type a name into Google these days and you can basically find out what someday had for lunch three weeks ago on Monday."

Jane stared down at the surface of the table. Every so often she looked sideways. Maura had been looking at something in one of her files ever since the meeting began. She hadn't looked up or even said a word. Jane wanted to reach out and touch her hand under the table but she knew that it would only make things worse. She was about to look away when she noticed Maura's gaze shift and their eyes unexpectedly found each other. Time seemed to freeze.

"Our copycat uses chloroform to subdue his victims which suggests he physically isn't strong enough to overpower them or he struggles with them being alert and awake as he tortures them," Megan continued. "He may feel bad or guilty about what he's doing but he's trying to deliver that message and the message is stronger than his sense of guilt or shame. He knows intimate details about the killings that were not released to the press, suggesting a connection between the copycat and the original killer. A relative or maybe even a lover."

"Kevin Louis Richardson was most definitely not gay," Frost answered.

Megan slowly nodded. "The copycat will have been the submissive one. He may even have been involved in the killings the first time round but only watched. He would have done whatever Richardson asked of him. If they were not lovers then there is a good chance that our killer was somehow emotionally attached to him. Perhaps the love was unrequited."

"Richardson was an alpha male," Jane interjected and everybody looked up, including Maura. Dark eyes found Megan's and she knew that what she was about to say would contradict with what Megan had just said. "In some ways he was much like Hoyt. He wouldn't have accepted anyone working alongside him."

"Our killer is a woman."

Maura's statement left them all dumbstruck and Jane looked at the woman sitting next to her. Maura looked up from her phone and her hazel eyes found Megan sitting at the other end of the table. The profiler had been referring to their killer as male all the way through.

"What?" Megan blinked.

"The DNA results are in from the hair we found on the last victim," Maura explained. "The DNA belongs to a woman. No match in CODIS."

Megan rubbed the back of her head and slowly nodded. "That would explain the intimate knowledge. You said that Richardson most definitely wasn't gay but the copycat knows him well. A woman could very well have been his lover. A submissive woman, who would have done everything he told her, probably even helped her lure the victims into his trap. When he was taken from her she fell into a black hole and killing these women the way Richardson is her way of bringing him back, keeping him close."

"Would a woman be capable of these horrific acts?" Frost asked softly. The notion that a woman had done these things to another woman was hard to take.

"Possibly," Megan answered. "It would also explain the need for chloroform. Although the victims are female, women do not have the same physical strength as men. She needs it to subdue them if she wants to complete her work. And a woman isn't generally considered a threat to another woman."

"Women are more inclined to fear strange men approaching them in the street than they would a woman," Maura said and she looked at Jane. Their eyes had found each other when Megan had said that a woman wasn't often considered a threat to another woman. "Women see each other as allies in this world. They do not fear them like they would fear a man."

Jane covered her face in her hands. "What has the world come to if you can't even trust another woman to protect you?"

"What is her intention?" Korsak wanted to know. "She's killed these women to lure Jane to Boston. We found the most recent body and she was killed the day that Jane arrived here. Since then there's been nothing. What does she want?"

"She isn't like Richardson," Megan answered. "She's trying to tell Jane something and whatever that is, the message will come. She's achieved the part where she got Jane to come back. The next stage will soon follow." Her eyes found Jane's and she noticed the concern etched across her face. "We need to find out if Richardson had a girlfriend or maybe even a sister that could have been involved in these killings. She'll be no older than thirty-five. It would have been someone who was really close to him. Those who knew him may have noticed her following him around, even if he didn't seem to pay attention to her."

"We'll talk to his parents," Frost said. "They just live outside the city." He sighed and a distant look filled his eyes. "Man, I haven't seen those poor folks since the trial. I thought his mother was going to have a heart attack when he calmly told the judge what he had done to those women."

"I'm sure I read in the papers that his mother died not long after the trial," Korsak said. "The poor woman never coped with the monster that her son had become."

He and Frost stood up and put on their jackets. Frost muttered something about wanting to drive because Korsak drove like he belonged in a nursing home. They still bickered as they left the room, leaving the door open in their wake.

Maura gathered her files and stood up too. She smiled a quick and almost shy 'goodbye' to the three women sitting around rhe table and left. Jane hesitated before getting up and apologising. She followed Maura and caught up with her just before she left the bullpen. Her fingers made contacy with the honey blonde's arm and Maura spun aroind, eyes blazing.

"What?" she snapped.

Jane was taken aback and blinked. "I just…" Her voice faltered when she saw the anger flickering in Maura's eyes. She swallowed hard. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I know this isn't ideal and…"

"I'm engaged, Jane," Maura said sharply. "I came home to my fiancé last night and I coldnt bear the thought of getting into bed with him." Hazel eyes pierced into coffee brown. "I've been doing a lot of thinking and I thought I came to a conclusion this morning but now I'm not so sure."

"What do you mean?" Jane asked.

"Megan," Maura hissed and glared into the direction of the incident room. "Why didn't you tell me, Jane?"

"Tell you?" Jane asked and a frightening thought welled up into her mind.

"She's your girlfriend, Jane! Have you got _any _idea what you've just put me through?!" Maura hissed. She watched Jane's face fell. "You thought I wouldn't find out, didn't you?" When Jane didn't answer she rolled her eyes. "Some things never change, I see. You still don't tell me the things that matter."

"How did you know?"

"Deanna told me. In fact, she told all of us. Korsak and Frost thought it was wonderful." Maura shook her head and suddenly there were tears in her eyes. They stood in the bullpen, for the whole damn world to see but she kept her voice low enough so nobody would hear. "I told you about Matthew last night. Why didn't you tell me about her?"

"I… I didn't think…"

"What, you didn't think it mattered?" Maura finished her sentence, bitterness evident in her voice.

"Maura, I'm sorry," Jane whispered. "I… I was going to tell you but things just…"

Maura shook her head. Sadness reflected in her eyes as she reached out a hand and gently tucked a strand of dark hair behind Jane's ear. When she stepped back her face was a mask of hurt and pain.

A quiet sob got stuck in the back of Jane's throat as she caught Maura's hand with hers and slowly brought it down. There were no words she could say even though there were so many things she wished she could have said. Wrong time, wrong place. Everything about this was wrong.

"I love you," Maura whispered and those three words ripped Jane's soul apart. "There was a moment last night that I believed we had a chance. We lost it once and I hoped that maybe it was back. I was ready to leave Matthew. I've been ready for as long as I can remember. I was waiting for you to come back but I guess we are both just too late."

"Maura," Jane breathed but Maura turned around and disappeared out of the bullpen through the double doors. She closed her eyes as the butter tears burnt and she swallowed them away before slowly turning around and making her way back to the incident room. When she walked in she noticed Deanna was gone. Megan stood by the white board and looked at the crime scene photos.

"Are you going to tell me what happened or are you going to make me ask, Jane?" she said without turning around.

Jane swallowed hard. "What do you mean?"

Megan sighed. "I am a profiler Jane. I see things other people don't."

"You promised never to profile me," Jane reminded her. "We had a deal. Work is work and private is private. Those two never cross and never meet."

"I didn't have to," Megan answered and slowly turned around. Her green eyes locked with Jane's and she could tell that Megan knew something was going on. Her girlfriend's face reflected the anguish of a woman who could feel something slipping through her fingers. "I could see it. So, are you going to tell me?"

Jane's eyes fixed on the crime scene photos and shook her head. "There's nothing to tell."


	11. Chapter 11

Sorry for the short delay, folks. Both work as well as the glorious sunshine got the better off me. But I'm here now. Enjoy!

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**Chapter 11**

It was as if Megan's arrival changed the dynamics of their investigation. Suddenly Jane found herself working the case the way she would as an FBI Agent, using every resource she had available to her. The part of her that had identified with being back at BPD seemed to have disappeared and when Korsak and Frost returned after speaking to Kevin Richardson's family, Jane had just ended a phone call to Director Sorenson.

"Anything?" she asked without looking up from her paperwork. She'd used the FBI database to look into Richardson's past and had managed to track down a couple of other relatives who lived just across the state border. It was a long shot but it was the best they had right now.

"Not much," Frost groaned in frustration and he fell into his chair. He shrugged himself out of his jacket. "Richardson's father lost his marbles somewhere between the day his son got arrested and got killed. I swear that man is one currant away from being a total fruitcake."

Jane turned around. She remembered Richardson's father as a tall, strong man with dark lines across his face. He'd been a farmer all his life and when she shook his hand she felt blisters and rough skin. She'd never took him for a man to lose it but people had been known to respond in surprising ways when exposed to a large amount of stress.

"That bad?" she asked.

Frost pointed at Korsak. "Richardson thought he was the Messiah."

Jane groaned. "Is there anyone looking after him?"

"We checked with a couple of neighbours. They said a nurse comes every day to help him with his daily stuff. Nobody knows for sure if he's taking his meds," Korsak replied and he rolled his eyes. "My guess? He doesn't."

Sadness flashed across Jane's face as she remembered the strong and independent farmer. It seemed that he had fallen prisoner to his own demons and those of his son and now he was lost. "Wouldn't he be better off in some kind of home or secure facility where they can help him with his delusions?"

"They tried, according to the neighbour. Apparently the last time a shrink set foot onto his land, old Richardson chased him for half a mile with a shot gun."

Jane couldn't suppress a snicker and then picked up the paperwork she'd been gathering. "I spoke to our Director back in DC and he opened up a few doors for us. Apparently Richardson had a brother. He moved away when he was just a kid. All I can find is that he was sent away to live with another distant relative in Connecticut. Deanna's trying to track them down now." She looked up. "If he had a brother, maybe he had a sister too."

"He did." Frost turned his computer screen around.

Jane's eyes widened and she stood up. "What?"

"She died," Frost explained as Jane circled his desk and peered at the screen. What she saw brought a shiver down her spine. The news article told the story of a heartbroken Richardson family who mourned the loss of their daughter, Laura, aged six.

Jane's gaze lingered on the black and white picture of a little girl wearing a dress and with her dark hair tied into pigtails. She smiled, clutching a doll. Her eyes then drifted to a family picture and she felt sick when she recognised Kevin Richardson standing at the foreground, in front of his mother. His father's hand rested on his son's shoulders. The little girl stood next to her brother, smiling. The third picture showed a narrow creek, filled with only a few inches of murky looking water.

"She drowned in the creek cutting through her family's farmland," Jane read. "She went out to play with her brother Kevin, aged ten, and he came running home saying that Laura was in the water. By the time her father got there, the little girl was dead." Her eyes darkened and she and Frost shared a look.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" her former partner asked.

"He killed her. Laura was his first victim."

Frost scrolled down the page and showed her what looked like a birth certificate. "His brother Nicholas was born only a year after Laura died."

"Why would they send him away?" Jane wondered.

Frost looked up at her. "You think they knew?"

"What, his parents?"

"Yeah. You think they knew he killed Laura and sent Nicholas away to protect him?"

Jane ran her fingers through her hair. "At this point, I don't rule anything out anymore." She looked over her shoulder when she heard the door to the bull pen open and Megan walked in. She'd gone to see Lieutenant Cavanaugh about putting the profile out to the press. Judging from her face Jane guessed that he had agreed. She looked back at Frost. "Give me a minute."

She walked across the room to Megan and perched herself at the end of an empty desk. "I need your opinion on something."

Megan looked up. Her eyes were cold, almost distant. When she spoke there was a cold bitterness to her voice. "A professional opinion, I assume?"

"What's going on?" Jane furrowed her brow. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Can we talk about this some other time?" Megan asked but Jane shook her head.

"No." She stood up and took Megan's arm. "We're going to talk about this now."

She led her girlfriend out of the door and across the hallway to the interview rooms. Before walking in she made sure the microphones were switched off before slamming the door behind her. When she looked up she found Megan standing on the other side of the table, her green eyes blazing. She had only ever seen her angry once before and this, this was nothing like that.

"I think we need to talk," Jane said and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She'd been walking on egg shells around Megan all day and she was beginning to lose her cool. "Ever since the briefing this morning you've been walking around with a face like thunder. I don't know what you expect me to say but you clearly have something on your mind so you might as well say it."

Megan arched an eyebrow. "Do you really need to ask, Jane?"

"Gees," Jane retorted. "It appears I do!"

Megan impatiently started pacing the room. "Don't treat me like I'm stupid, Jane. I'm a profiler. I was trained to see things other people don't. It is my job to study behaviour." She stopped and her eyes snapped up. Her intent gaze pierced into Jane's and her lips formed a thin line. "Maura. Doctor Isles or whatever the hell her name is."

Jane felt her insides tighten. "What about her?"

"Jane, I'm not an idiot. I saw the way you looked at her. Hell, I saw the way she looked at you. And when you two were talking, sparks were flying so fast that you could burn this building down in a matter of minutes. Don't act like you don't know what's going on because I know you do. At least be the better person here and tell me what the hell is going on."

"Maura and I…" Jane began and her voice faltered. She didn't know the words to describe what she and Maura were. They weren't friends and they weren't lovers. They had been friends once but somehow they had drifted apart. Jane knew why. She was the reason. She'd walked away from the best thing that had ever happened to her. "It's complicated."

"So you're not denying something happened between you two?" Megan wanted to know.

"We have history," Jane said slowly and ran her fingers through her curls.

"That's your tell, Jane," Megan suddenly pointed out.

"What?"

"That thing you do with your hair," Megan answered. "Everybody has a tell when they're nervous or scared. Some people bite their nails, others avoid eye contact. We all have one. Profilers are trained to recognise it." She flashed half a smile. "I recognised yours only three days after we met. I normally see it faster but you knew how to hide yours pretty well." Her smile faltered. "You only do it when you're nervous or scared." Green eyes found brown. "Or when you lie."

"Megan…"

"Don't lie to me, Jane."

Jane looked down at her hands, at her scars. From the moment they met, she and Megan made a promise never to let their job get in the way of their relationship. She knew Megan couldn't help profile and analyse people and in some ways it had worked out quite well. Jane had made her promise that Megan would never profile her but it seemed that some things were just impossible to do.

"Maura and I slept together."

She said it without thinking. The words were there, on the tip of her tongue, and they just rolled out. She needed to say it, have it out in the open. Not just because Megan deserved her honesty but because she knew that if she continued to lie to herself, she would never truly believe what had happened last night. Maura had confessed how she felt, shared her most intimate and deepest feelings with Jane. For years she'd hidden them, locked away in the darkest corners of her heart, and only now did she allow herself to let them out into the open. Jane owed it to Maura to admit this to herself, to admit that she had always felt this way too. There was no way back.

"When?" Megan wanted to know. Her voice trembled. "When you were still working here?"

Jane shook her head and brown eyes filled with tears looked up. "Last night."

"Last…" Megan's voice broke and her face changed from disbelief to pain. The extent of what Jane had said slowly sank in. "Last night?!"

"Megan, I'm sorry…."

"You're sorry?!" Megan spat. Venom dripped from her voice. "You sleep with someone else and you tell me you're _sorry_?" Blazing green eyes reflected the anger and the hurt the blonde profiler felt inside. "You really are your father's daughter, aren't you?"

It was a low blow but Jane didn't defend herself. She knew she deserved it. She'd told Megan what her father had done to her mother and the profiler had been disgusted and angry. She'd even asked Jane if she could ever do such a thing to another person and Jane had answered that she couldn't. But that was before she went back to Boston, before she saw Maura again. Now it turned out that she could do such a thing to another person because she had.

Jane looked up at Megan through her eyelashes. "Megan, I don't know what else to say."

"Does Deanna know?" Megan asked. "Did you tell her and ask to keep quiet?"

"No," Jane quickly answered. "She doesn't know."

Megan shook her head. "I can't believe you did this to me," she whispered and a stray tear trickled down her cheek. "I thought we were happy. I thought that we had a chance at some kind of a future." She swallowed hard. "Do you love her?"

"What?"

"Do you_ love_ her?"

Jane's heart broke into a thousand tiny pieces as she looked up into her girlfriend's eyes. "Yes," she answered, her own eyes filled with tears. She'd known all along but she had lied to herself, to the world. She'd lied to Maura and now she paid the price. But she couldn't deny it any longer. "Yes, I love her. I always have."

Megan swallowed. The lingering taste of bile in the back of her throat was making her sick. "Does she know?" she asked, her voice quivering "Did you tell her?

Jane shook her head. "No."

Megan took a deep breath. "Why?"

"Because I did what I always do," Jane answered and she turned around. "I run away, like a coward."

"What happens now?" Megan wanted to know as she watched Jane start for the door. The dark haired woman turned around, sadness flickering in her eyes.

"When I get back to DC I will take my stuff out of your place."

"And then what?" Megan asked softly.

"I'll cancel the lease on my condo," Jane answered and opened the door. Her heart felt heavy in her chest and it hurt to walk away from Megan, even if it was for the best. "I'm moving back to Boston."

~()~

Maura had gone home early after her brief conversation with Jane. She couldn't face the thought of working and risking Jane walking into her morgue. She knew she shouldn't have said the things she said but she couldn't change them now, nor could she take them back. It didn't make them any less true. She did love Jane. She had loved Jane for as long as she could remember. The more she thought about it, the more she realised that she couldn't remember the time before Jane Rizzoli first came into her life. Jane had changed everything; the way she viewed the world, the way she handled her job but most of all the way she felt.

When she pulled up outside her house her heart sank as she recognised Matthew's car parked on the drive. She briefly entertained the thought of leaving but when she looked up she noticed him standing by the kitchen window. He'd heard the car pull up and she forced herself to smile as he walked from the window to the door to greet her. Her heart ached as she stepped out of the car and she wondered whether a person could have betrayal written across their faces.

"Hey," Matthew said when she reached the door and he kissed her on her cheek. Again, she turned away from him. "What are you doing here?"

"I have some paperwork to catch up on," she answered without making eye-contact. She filed past him into the house without waiting for him to close the door. "It's quieter at home than it is at work."

He followed her in. "Maura, ever since I've known you, you've always preferred to do your paperwork at the office." The tone of his voice was enough to make her freeze but she couldn't turn around. "What's going on?"

"Why would there be anything going on?" she replied and slowly turned to face her fiancé.

Hazel eyes met his blue and she realised with a shock that she felt nothing. She didn't know how long it had been since she had felt anything when she looked at him and, the more she looked at Matthew, the more she wondered if she had ever felt anything at all. Had he just been the easiest way to fill the emptiness left behind by Jane?

"You can't lie, remember?" he pointed out.

She shuddered. She could. She had lied to him this morning. She had lied to him for the past year and a half. She sighed. "I just really want to get this work done, allright? Can we talk about this some other time?"

"I know you weren't out on a scene last night."

His words cut right through her and her eyes snapped up. "What?"

"When you didn't come home I assumed you were at work so I called the Medical Examiner's Office," Matthew said slowly.

She knew that he knew. "Oh."

"They said you had the night off. Someone else was on call."

"Matthew…."

"Listen, Maura, for the past year and a half I believed that whenever I asked you something, you told me the truth. You yourself told me that you can't lie and then this morning not only did you lie, you looked me in the eye when you did it." He looked devastated. "Why did you lie to me?"

She turned away from him, unable to cope with the hurt that had filled his eyes. Tears welled up in her own and she swallowed hard. "I think you should go."

"What?" he asked and walked over to her. Both his hands grabbed hold of her upper arms and he forced her to turn around, to look at him. Piercing blue eyes met hazel ones. "Maura, where were you last night?"

She'd never heard desperation like this in his voice before.

"Don't do this," she whispered as she freed herself from his grip. "You really should go."

"Go?" he repeated. "Go where, Maura? I live here!"

"This isn't your house!"

It came out without thinking and she looked up at him in a mixture of anger, hurt and guilt. She knew he could see beyond her eyes and she watched as he took a step away from her. She'd shouted the words with a broken voice and it felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest and she was slowly left to bleed as she watched it shatter before her eyes.

"We never really lived here," she whispered and tears streamed down her cheeks. "I thought we did but I was wrong."

Matthew looked at Maura with a look that only be described as utter pain and disgust. "What have you done?" he hissed, anger evident in his voice.

She shook her head. "I think it's best if you leave, Matthew."

Matthew's features changed from angry to heartbroken. "You slept with someone else, didn't you?" He took a step back towards her and he reached out to touch her. She moved away from him and turned her head so she didn't have to look him in the eye. He didn't let go and followed her, taking her arm a second time. "You did, didn't you? God, Maura, please just tell me. Did you sleep with somebody else?"

"YES!" she cried out sobbing. His hand fell away from her arm and she felt as if everything just slipped away from her. Through her tears she looked up at Matthew.

"Who?" he wanted to know. The bitterness was back. If echoed in his voice and contempt filled his eyes. Maura had never seen him look at her with more resentment and contempt. "Who was it?"

"It doesn't matter," she answered and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "It doesn't matter, Matthew." She took a ragged breath. "You should go."

"Yeah," he answered. He sounded defeated. "I should."

She sank down on the couch as Matthew walked into their bedroom. She heard him stumbling about and recognised the sound of the wardrobe opening. The sound of his footsteps didn't sound the same. They hadn't sounded the same for quite some time. They had been living a lie, she knew that now. She had dragged him into this and his hurt was her fault.

Fifteen minutes passed in which she only heard his footsteps and the soft ticking off the clock. When he reappeared he was carrying a large sports bag over his shoulder. He had packed his clothes, she guessed and stood up. He was already at the door when she reached him and he turned around when he sensed Maura behind him. She took his hand, opened the palm and placed the engagement ring inside it. She then folded his fingers and let go of his hand.

"When the time comes, give this to someone who deserves it." She swallowed hard. "I'll see to it that the rest of your things will be sent to you."

Matthew never spoke as he stepped out of the house they had shared for so long and she watched him get into his car. He didn't look at her as he reversed off the drive and she looked on as his car disappeared from sight. Then she slowly closed the door and was suddenly overwhelmed by the silence of her house.

She was alone.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's note:** Sorry for the delay, folks, but it's been so hot here that sitting down to write has become really hard to do. But, I finally managed an update today. Sit back and... well... can I say relax?

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**Chapter 12**

Jane made her way down to the morgue with a heavy heart. She paced around the elevator as much as the small space would allow her, avoiding her reflection in the mirror. She'd pushed her hands her pockets. The seconds passed slowly until the elevator reached the lowest level of the building and with a soft 'ping' the doors slid open. Jane stepped out and looked around. The corridor leading up to the morgue and adjacent labs was abandoned apart from an empty stretcher and a neglected box of latex gloves.

She'd left Megan in the interrogation room after their agreement, unable to face the hurt and sadness in the other woman's eyes. The guilt of lying to her, betraying her, weighed heavily on her shoulders and Jane hated herself for what she had done but there was nothing she could do to change it. She and Megan had drifted apart, she knew that now, but it didn't alter the way she had broken the blonde's heart when she confessed she had slept with Maura. She knew what she had done was wrong but why did it still feel so right?

Jane started down the corridor and eventually reached the window that overlooked the morgue. She peered inside and felt a sense of loss when she realised Maura wasn't there. She swallowed and continued down the hall, eventually opening the door to the morgue and stepping inside. The lights were out and other than the soft humming of the freezer, there wasn't a sound. Jane's eyes darted across the room towards Maura's office. The blinds were open and so was the door but the lights were out. Maura wasn't here.

She heaved a sigh as she walked across the empty morgue and leant across the door of Maura's office. It was neat and tidy as usual, with the books on the shelf lined up and ordered by category and subject. The computer was switched off and the phone on the corner of the desk had a red light blinking at her, indicating the answering machine had been switched on. Any calls that came in would first be redirected to Maura's cell and if she didn't answer then the machine kicked in.

Jane had lost count of the amount of times she'd walked into this office. Whenever she was angry, sad or confused she would come down here looking for Maura. She'd always been there to listen to her worries, her frustrations or her desperate pleas for help. It was this office that they retreated to when Maura's heart was broken and Jane was left with the shattered pieces to put it back together again. It was in this office where Maura had tried to heal the wounds left behind by Hoyt and the Alphabet Killer. It was here that their friendship knew some of its strongest moments, the moments Jane cherished the most. But now it was gone. This was just an office now. It wasn't the same anymore.

She looked up when she heard the door to the morgue open behind her and turned around, hoping to see Maura. Her heart sank when she saw Deanna and she recognised the dark look in her partner's eyes. She didn't have to ask to understand that Megan had sought out her friend to tell what happened and Jane mentally prepared herself for what was about to come.

"Have you lost your _fucking _mind?" Deanna spat when she reached Jane. Her dark eyes were blazing. "Are you insane?!"

Jane sighed. "I guess Megan told you?"

"Told me?" Deanna replied, placing her hands on her hips. Her fingers grazed across the holster of her gun but Jane knew her partner too well to even entertain the thought she would do something stupid. "Jane, she came to me crying! She told me you slept with Maura?!"

Jane averted her eyes but nodded. "I'm not going to stand here and deny it."

"What were you thinking, Jane?!"

"I wasn't!" Jane interjected and shook her head. "Look, I didn't mean for it to happen, allright?!"

"What, you didn't mean to take your clothes off and get into bed with her?"

"It's more complicated than that."

Deanna cocked her head. "Is it? Please explain to me how sleeping with someone suddenly becomes complicated?"

Jane swallowed hard. "Maura and I have history," she said softly. "When we saw each other again it was as if we were both reminded of what we had walked away from. We never crossed that line before I left for Washington but when I saw her again, I knew." She took a deep breath and gestured to the office behind her. "She was my best friend. Back then I would have put my life on the line for her. Maura is the only reason I didn't fall apart after Hoyt escaped. In fact, she is the only reason I never fell apart at all. She held me together."

"But I thought you and Megan…"

"Yeah, I thought so too. I really thought that moving to Washington and starting over would change the way I felt and for a little while, it did. Having Megan meant not being alone. She was there when I needed someone to make me smile. I care about her but…."

"You don't love her."

"No." Jane's voice broke. "Not like I love Maura."

Deanna's eyes narrowed as she studied her partner's contorted features. She could see the anguish and the pain etched across Jane's face and although she was angry at her for cheating on Megan, she felt sorry for Jane at the same time. "Detective Frost happened to mention that Doctor Isles is getting married next summer."

"I know," Jane admitted. "She told me last night."

"You knew?!" Deanna questioned. "She told you and you still…"

"Hey, it takes two people to sleep together. I wasn't the only one who was wrong here!" Jane defended herself. "Maura crossed a line too. It wasn't just me. We both did this!"

"Did you tell her about Megan?"

Jane didn't answer and Deanna's jaw dropped. "You didn't tell her did you?"

"She found out this morning when Megan arrived at BPD." Jane's eyes found Deanna's and she could see that her partner understood that Jane knew she had been the one to tell Maura about Megan. "Why did you tell her?"

"Because I know you, Jane. Or at least I thought I did but I guess I was wrong. I saw the way you looked at her and the way she looked at you. I'm no genius but a blind man could have seen it." Deanna didn't manage to mask the bitterness and resentment in her voice. "I thought that if I told her about Megan, because clearly you couldn't, that it would stop either of you from making a mistake." She sighed. "It didn't make a fucking difference, did it?"

Jane ran her hands across her face and rubbed her eyes. "I guess it didn't." Her voice was muffled. "I don't know what I'm going to do now."

"Megan said you plan to leave Washington."

"I'm going back to Boston," Jane said and looked at her partner. "As soon as we get back I'm handing in my resignation to Sorenson. I need to fix this and I can't do that if I'm in Washington."

"Fix this?" Deanna asked and arched an eyebrow. "Exactly what do you plan to fix, Jane? Maura's getting married, what could there possibly be here for you?"

"She told me she loved me," Jane said softly. "She told me she's been thinking about leaving him for some time. I have no idea if she will and I'd never make her but if it is what she wants to do then she deserves it for me to be there if she wants me to. Maura and I have to figure out what we're going to do about all of this but we need to be in the same place to do it."

"You're leaving Megan?"

"I left Megan a long time ago. Besides, she deserves someone who appreciates and loves her. I'm not that person, Dee. I don't think I was ever that person and I never will be."

Deanna looked deflated. "So that's it? You're just going to pick up your stuff and move back here? Have you forgotten why you left in the first place?"

"I haven't," Jane said sharply and she felt anger in the pit of her stomach. She clenched and relaxed her hands, suddenly very aware of how her scars were burning. "It was the same damn reason that lured me back here. This Alphabet Killer and the damn copycat ruined more than I could have ever imagined but I'll be damned if I'm going to let them do this to me. This is my life and I'm taking it back."

Deanna was about to reply when the sharp ringing of her cell phone cut her off and she reached into her pocket to answer it. Jane used the opportunity to walk away from Maura's office. The memories were overwhelming. Everything about coming back to Boston had been overwhelming. She watched Deanna from the corner of her eye and could tell from the look on her face that whatever she was talking about had nothing to do with the case. When she heard the words 'vermin' and 'exterminator' mentioned in the same sentence she guessed it was apaetment trouble and turned around to leave the morgue.

She made her way back up in the elevator and stepped out when she reached the lobby. She walked up to the café and peered inside to see her mother standing behind the counter. She'd just finished serving a couple of Vice detectives their coffee and looked up as Jane was about to turn away. Their eyes locked and Jane stepped into the café. Angela circled the counter and walked up to her daughter. She could Jane like only a mother could and slipped her arms around her daughter's neck.

"Oh baby," she whispered into Jane's dark curls as she pulled her into her arms.

"I screwed up, Ma," Jane said softly and clung to her mother as if she was her only lifeline.

Angela let go of her daughter and turned Jane's face towards her. "But you'll make it right," she said wisely. "You always do."

Jane swallowed. "I'm not so sure about that, Ma."

Angela carefully brushed a strand of hair out of her daughter's face. She'd struggled to accept the fact that Jane had left Boston. Waking up the morning after her sudden departure had been one of the hardest moments of her life and the not knowing for weeks on end had almost broken her. She had always feared something would happen to Jane in the line of duty, and her fears had been realised when Jane got shot, but she had never expected to feel the way she did after Jane left. When she finally heard from her again she'd cried for hours.

"Is this about Maura?" Angela asked softly, her fingers still stroking Jane's cheek.

Jane sighed. "Everything is about Maura."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Angela tried carefully. She knew Jane was notoriously closed off about her feelings and only a handful of times had she really shared with her mother how she felt but Angela knew that the way Jane felt about Maura ran deep, perhaps even deeper than Jane herself realised.

Jane was about to answer when a figure passing by outside the café drew her attention. Megan walked past the window and their gazes briefly locked. What Jane saw wasn't the face of a woman broken and hurt but someone who had used all their hurt to turn it into a mask of anger. She recognised the dark look in Megan's eyes.

"No," she answered after breaking the eye contact with Megan and looking back at her mother. "I think it's best I do this on my own."

"I know who she is, Jane," Angela said. She'd followed her daughter's gaze and looked at the blonde woman that had walked past the café. Jane's eyes snapped back at her mother and Angela shrugged. "Frankie told me."

"Frankie knew?!" Jane asked and her eyes widened. "What the hell…"

"Hey, he saw her at your apartment one morning when he came over that time. She walked in as he walked out and she said hi to him," Angela said and raised her hands when Jane's blazing eyes only darkened. "He put two and two together when he noticed there were two toothbrushes in your bathroom. Did you think I'd have a problem with it, Janie?"

Jane sighed and shook her head. "I don't know what I was thinking," she admitted and stared down at her hands. "I guess I just wasn't ready."

Angela pursed her lips. "I always thought you and Maura…"

"Don't!" Jane said it so sharply that her mother fell silent instantly. "Don't even go there!"

"Janie…"

"I gotta go."

Jane turned around and practically ran out of the café. Megan had disappeared and she sighed in frustration. She sighed as she slammed her fist against the elevator button and waited impatiently for the door to open. She knew she would have to face Megan eventually but all she could think about was trying to get to Maura and for there to be some kind of way that she could make this right.

~()~

The house was quiet but the silence grew on her as the hours began to pass. All she heard was the soft shuffling and scraping noise of Bass making his way around her living room and kitchen. She sat on the couch with her legs pulled up to her chest and a blanket draped across her knees. After Matthew left she took a shower and rinsed away all the tears marks that had stained her face. She then got dressed in a pair of simple but yoga pants and an off shoulder sweater and padded around the house on her bare feet. Every so often her gaze dropped down to her left hand. Although she wore her ring only when not doing autopsies, she still felt bare without it but she knew she had done the right thing.

Maura rested her head against the pillows on the couch and heaved a sigh. Her whole life had been turned upside down since Jane Rizzoli had stormed back into her life, knocking down everything she had so carefully rebuilt. Jane had the ability to do that to her; she could make Maura come undone just by looking at her. All it took was a word, the touch of a hand or a simple look and she would fall to her knees and lose herself. After Jane left she'd been destroyed up to the point where she didn't know if she could ever feel again but somehow she'd managed. But it had never quote been the same, it had never quite been right. What Jane had taken away was her ability to really love only because there was just one person she did love. Jane.

She had tried to hide in her relationship with Matthew but it wasn't true. It hadn't been what she wanted or needed. She'd felt empty after Jane and he filled a void but Matthew never quite the longing away. She would glance at the pictures of Jane she had kept and wonder whether they would ever share other moments like those. She wanted to give up hope but something had forced her to hold on. She had never really been able to let Jane go.

The soft knock on the door snapped her out of her thought and Maura's feet slipped down to the floor before she stood up. The blanket that had coered her legs fell into a messy pile on the floorboards as she made her way across the room to the front door. Witjh every step the ancitpaton grew. She hoped to see Jane but when her fingers closed around tge doorhandle and opened the door, she could only blink.

it happened so fast that she didn't get a chance to react. Maura felt something being pressed against her face with such brute force that the impact caused her nose to bleed. She felt the warm, sticky liquid trickle down across her lips and then her neck. Panic kicked in almost immediately and she reached out in an attempt to push the offensive item away. Her long nails clawed across her assailant's arm. Her breathing quickened and she recognised the sickly sweet scent of chloroform as it penetrated her nose. Her grip on the hand covering her face with the cloth loosened as the substance began to blur her mind and eventually Maura's legs buckled and she fell down to the floor. The sharp pain of her knees scraping against the wood shot through her body.

She caught a final glimpse of a woman's face, anger flickering behind her blue eyes, in a desperate bid to cling on to the last little bit of reality that she could still grasp but after a few agonising seconds of looking up into her attacker's eyes, Maura's world went black.


	13. Chapter 13

**Note: **Sorry for the short delay. Somehow they expect me to go to work for several days in a row. The nerve! Anyway, I've got annual leave now for a week and a half and I'm trying to write as much as I can as I'll be away for a few days next week. Have we all recovered from "Killer In High Heels" yet?!

* * *

**Chapter 13**

Jane walked into the incident room. Her heart pounded in her chest with anticipation. Five minutes earlier, just as she stepped into the elevator to leave the morgue, she'd received a text message from Frost saying that they had a break in the case. She didn't know what the break was but she was about ready to give her right hand for something that would lead them to the copycat killer. Now that she walked into the room and laid eyes on her former partner, she sensed the anticipation in the room.

It was only then that she noticed that Korsak and Frost weren't alone. Megan leant against the opposite wall, her green eyes fixed on Jane as she entered. Any sign of tears had been erased from her face. She looked composed and distant. Their gazes locked for the shortest of moments before Jane looked away and focused instead on Frost. She knew him well enough to be able to read the look etched across his face. The break was big.

"What is it?" she asked, her voice trembling and betraying her desire to finally get some answers.

"DNA came back on the hair we found on the last victim."

"We already knew that," Jane said, her excitement quickly fading. "Maura said it belongs to a woman."

"Frost here had the brilliant idea to run the DNA against every possible data base other than CODIS, since Doctor Isles said there wasn't a match," Korsak interjected and pointed at the younger detective. Frost sheepishly smiled.

Jane's eyes snapped back at Frost. "You found a match?!"

He turned the screen of his computer slowly towards her and Jane's heart seemed to freeze. She knew that face. She knew the man it belonged to. It had been his face she'd looked up at when Erin Montgomery died in her arms. The cold eyes of Kevin Louis Richardson stared back at her. The mug shot had been taken only hours after they arrested him.

"The copycat is the Alphabet Killer's sister?!"

"DNA doesn't lie," Korsak said slowly.

Jane sank down in one of the chairs and shook her head. "You saw the newspaper article. The Richardson's had one daughter, Laura, and she drowned. They then had a son who they sent away, probably to protect him from Kevin's wicked ways." She looked up. "Could they have had another child?"

"Richardson was in his early forties when he was arrested," Megan said unexpectedly. The sound of her voice brought a chill down Jane's spine. "This killer is no older than forty-five but she could be as young as her late teens or early twenties. There's a good chance that she was born when Richardson was older."

Jane sighed. "Would his parents be weird enough not to register her birth anywhere?" She looked back at Frost. "You said they never left that farm." He shook his head. "I was thinking that maybe she was born in a different state. Did you manage to find Nicholas yet?"

Frost nodded. "We tracked down the aunt and uncle he was sent to live with. Nobody was home so we left a message, asking him to call us back."

Jane chewed the inside of her cheek. "That's gonna take too long. They could be anywhere. I'll get in touch with the FBI Field Office out there and get one of the Agents to track them down. If they find them, we should be able to talk to them via video link." She pushed a strand of hair out of her face and her eyes darted back to the whiteboard with all the crime scene photos. The realisation that woman was responsible for these horrors chilled her heart. "Now why would parents not register the birth of another child?"

"Some parents think that social services are unable to take a child away if they don't know it's been born," Megan answered. "Especially if a child was delivered at home, without the presence of medical staff. Nobody would ever know the child existed."

"But they would also be unable to register a child for schools or anything else," Jane answered. "Meaning she would have to have been home schooled."

"Why would the Richardson's fear for their new born baby, other than already having a deranged son?" Frost wondered.

Jane sat up. "Hey, Frost, check to see when the first time was Richardson got arrested."

Frost's fingers flew across the keyboard and a few seconds later he had found Kevin Louis Richardson's extensive rap sheet. He squinted as he scrolled down the list of offences that took place before he was arrested for killing several women. "February of '84."

"What was the offence?"

"He skinned a neighbour's cat alive and set it on fire."

"A lot of serial killers as well as sociopaths start out by torturing and killing small animals," Megan said. She spoke slowly and Jane realised they were slowly revealing more and more of sick and twisted nature of Kevin Louis Richardson, the man who had killed his sister when he was just a child and carried on to torture and kill animals before moving on to people.

"How long was he in for?" Korsak wanted to know.

"Five months," Frost answered solemnly. "They let him out on good behaviour. Two years later he was back inside after he got into a fight and strangled a man within an inch of his life."

Megan walked around the room, circling the table, until she reached the whiteboard. She picked Richardson's photo up and held it so the others could see. "He will have learnt to mimic and copy the behaviours people expect of him, although he doesn't feel any of the emotions attached to those behaviours. Richardson was a skilled sociopath. He never showed any empathy but throughout his life he got by because he was smart enough to understand what people expected of him."

"Let me guess, his parents took him back in every time?" Jane wanted to know and Frost nodded.

"Yep."

"So they share a house with their criminally insane son who tortures animals, killed their daughter and almost strangled a man." Jane's eyes darkened as she haunting images of what life was like at the Richardson's household sank in. "They have another baby and they fear that if Social Services find out there's a child living in the same house as their son, they will take the baby. So they don't register her anywhere and hide her from the world. Years go by and this innocent child grows up alongside her insane older brother."

Korsak's face reflected sadness. "She never had a chance."

"I don't think I want to know what happened in that house." Jane felt sick.

Frost looked at Megan. "What are the chances that this girl was influenced by what her brother was doing?"

"She was a fair few years younger than he was. He may have shown her things she didn't understand because she was too young but as she grew up she may have perceived them as normal. If her parents didn't register her, it is most likely that she never went anywhere beyond the farm. Neighbours may not even have known she existed." She took a deep breath. "Perhaps Richardson took her with him when he went out doing the horrible things he did. I don't know how close she was to her parents but if she became a big part of his life, there's a good chance he was the most important thing in hers..."

"Which means she fits the profile you gave us," Jane finished Megan's sentence and their eyes found each other. Throughout the discussion they had been professional. There wasn't a hint of anything to suggest that anything had happened between them but now that Jane looked closely she could see the red rings around Megan's eyes. Make-up masked the rest of her hurt but no make-up could hide them. She looked away and down at her hands, at the scars left behind by Hoyt.

"When you first gave the profile, you mentioned that the woman could very well have been his lover," Frost remembered. "Now that we know she's his sister, does that change anything?"

"There's no way of knowing whether or not their relationship was sexual," Megan answered and there was a hint of disgust in her voice. Jane couldn't deny she felt it too. "But with everything else we've learnt about Richardson, nothing surprises me anymore."

"There wasn't anybody else there when you went to speak to Richardson's father, was there?" Jane wanted to know as she looked at Frost and Korsak.

The older of the two detectives shook his head. "No, but then we weren't looking for anybody else. We definitely didn't see any signs of anyone living there but you never know, I guess."

"The DNA match is enough to get a warrant and search the place," Jane replied and glanced down at her watch. It was the end of the afternoon. It would be dark in an hour. She sighed. "The search will have to wait till morning. Take Frankie and some uniforms first thing and have a look around. At least try and get the old man to give us a name because right now it looks and feels like we're chasing a ghost."

Jane stood up and started for the door. Just as she opened it Deanna appeared. SHe didn't make eye xontact with her partner and chose to stare at the floor as she filed past her. She didn't speak and quietly walked across the bull pen, her shoulders dropping with every steo. Deanna turned around to watch Jane walk away. She knew the particular way Jane carried herself well. She could see the weight resting on her shoulders. Jane was troubled and hurt. She looked back into the incident room and saw Megan by the whiteboard. She had put Richardson's picture back but her gaze now lingered on Deanna.

"Where's Jane going?" Deanna wanted to know as she closed the door behind her.

"I don't know," Frost answered and worry flashed across his face. "Ive never seen her like this."

Korsak looked at Megan. "Did something happen?"

The blonde profiler swallowed hard and the bitterness in her voice was unmistakable. "You may wabt to ask Doctor Isles that question, detective. I'm sure she'd be happy to explain it to you."

She stormed out of the incident room, leaving the door wide open in her wake. The deafening that silence she left behind was only cut when Frost looked up at the dark haired FBI Agent standing next to him. She met his gaze, dreading what he was about to ask.

"Deanna, what happened? I mean, I know Jane and Megan didn't say anything but at some point I thought they were going to attack each other! I've never seen Jane like this before."

Deanna sighed. "You remember me asking if Jane and Doctor Isles were lovers?"

"Oh boy." Korsak shook his head and patted Frost on his shoulder.

"What?!" Frost's eyes widened. "You mean Jane and Maura…"

"Don't ask me for the details, Barry. I don't think I even want to know. All I know is that something happened and now everything Jane knew seems to be falling apart." Deanna fumbled with a button on her blouse. "When she still worked here, where would she have gone if she felt like this?"

"I can only think of one place," Korsak said as he looked at Frost.

Frost nodded. "Maura."

~()~

Jane gave the cab driver Maura's address without thinking. She climbed into the back seat of the car and her eyes fluttered shut as the hurt, pain and frustration overwhelmed her. She hadn't realised how stressful and painful sharing a room with Megan really was. Pretending that things were okay between them was perhaps even harder and all she wanted was to run away and never come back. But she knew she couldn't. She had a job to do.

"Tough day?" the cabbie asked with a thick Russian accent.

Jane opened one eye. "Try tough life."

It was enough to shut him up for the rest of the journey. She didn't like it when drivers talked too much, preferring the peace and quiet of a cab drive instead. It was the only time she got to sort out of her thoughts. She stared out of the window. It had started raining only mere minutes after she got in the car and now thick raindrops slid down the glass. The skies were grey. It looked like thunder was on its way. They were in for a stormy night.

Forty-five minutes later, thanks to a traffic jam and a malfunctioning traffic light, the cab driver finally dropped Jane off outside of Maura's house. She paid him and turned around. Maura's car was parked on the drive but no lights were on inside the house. The rain was pouring out of the sky and she was soaked by the time she had reached the front door. Her knuckled rapped against the wood and she waited, shivering as drops of water slid behind her jacket.

When there was no answer she knocked again, a little louder this time. A few more minutes went by before she reached for the door handle and turned it. To her surprise it gave way and the door opened. Jane tentatively stepped into Maura's house, her boots immediately leaving wet marks across the wooden floor. The house was covered in shadows and Jane's fingers crept along the wall to look for the light switch. She flicked it and the room now bathed in golden light.

"Maura?" she called, hoping that the lights had alerted the doctor to her presence.

Jane's dark eyes drifted around the living room. It had changed since the last time she was here. Her gaze fixed on the leather armchair. She knew it wasn't Maura's style and she would never have bought it. With a heavy heart she remembered Maura telling her she had been engaged to some guy named Matthew. It had to be his. Jane walked further into the room and discovered the photo frame on the shelf. Maura and a man she assumed was Matthew stood side by side, their arms wrapped around each other, smiling at the camera. With a pang of guilt Jane realised Maura looked happy. She turned away from the picture and listened.

"Maura, are you here?" She raised her voice a little so it was loud enough to hear even if Maura was in the shower.

Jane slowly crossed the living room past the kitchen and towards the bedroom. The door was slightly ajar and she peered behind it. The bed was neatly made. She then focused to hear the sound of a shower and realised that she couldn't hear anything. The house was covered in silence. An unsettling feeling crept up on her and Jane walked back into the living room. She'd left wet marks all across the wood and mentally chastised herself for making such a mess. She walked into the kitchen and fished her cell phone out of her pocket.

She dialled Maura's number and held the device against her ear. It rang several times before switching to Maura's voicemail. She hadn't heard a phone ring or vibrate in the house. Maura wasn't here.

Jane scrolled through her contacts until she found another number, her heart now hammering in the back of her throat. After a couple of rings somebody answered. "Susie, it's Agent Rizzoli. When was the last time you saw Doctor Isles?"

"She left this afternoon."

"And you're sure she hasn't come back since then?"

"No, I haven't seen her."

"Thank you," Jane answered and hung up. Susie's answers confirmed her thoughts and she immediately rang another number.

"Jane?" Korsak asked when he answered. "What's going on?"

"I can't find Maura."

"What do you mean?"

"I went to her house, Vince. Her car's in the drive and the door's unlocked but she's not here. She's not at the morgue either, I just spoke to Susie. She said Maura went home earlier today," Jane answered. "I rang her phone. It went to voice mail."

"Okay, Frost and I will be over as soon as we can," Korsak said calmly. "Don't do anything until we get there, alright? She may have just gone out and forgotten to lock the door when she left."

Jane felt tears well up in her eyes. "Do you know what date it is today?"

"October eighteenth. Why?"

"It's the day that I first met Maura."

"Jane…"

Jane shook her head, desperation and fear settling in her chest. Her fingers turned white as her grip on the cell phone tightened. A stray tear slid down her cheek and her voice sounded constricted. "She has her, Vince. I know she does. The copycat took Maura."

"Don't do anything until we get there, Jane. We're on our way and we'll be there as fast as we can. Don't touch anything else, just stay where you are," Korsak said reassuringly. "We'll find her."

She hung up and looked around Maura's kitchen and living room, mentally drawing a picture of where she had walked and the things she'd touched. She was scared. She'd never been so scared in all her life. She sank down to the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest and there, on the floor of Maura Isles' kitchen, Jane Rizzoli broke down and cried.


	14. Chapter 14

I am absolutely melting because of this bloody heatwave and this chapter took me all day to write. I hope it's not too crappy. I think I lost a fair few braincells in this heat.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

The light hurt her eyes and she groaned in pain and discomfort. She slowly became aware of her surroundings and the cold, hard surface that she was lying on. Maura tried to sit up but the pain spread through her body with agonising speed and she whimpered, rubbing the back of her head, the spot where the pain seemed to come from. When she looked down at her fingers she noticed they were coated in sticky burgundy liquid. Blood.

Her head was pounding and there was a strange taste in the back of her throat. Her mouth was dry and her lips felt swollen. Maura carefully licked them with the tip of her tongue. They were flaky and she encountered swelling on the right side as well as what felt like a cut. When her fingertips followed the same path as her tongue she managed to distinguish what felt like a split lip. Her head was fuzzy and her vision blurred. The faint light of wherever she was hurt her eyes and she squinted in an attempt to protect herself. She felt tired and nauseous, like someone had rudely woken her up from a deep sleep.

Slowly the images of what had happened began to filter through the fuzziness. A flash of blue eyes and blonde hair and a face she didn't recognise. A woman's voice that now sounded like an echo in the back of her mind. Hands that had grabbed hold of her, dragging her across something sharp. Maura looked down and noticed that the pants she was wearing were damaged across her knees. The skin was covered in cuts and abrasions. More bruises covered her arms and her wrists, some clearly indicating finger marks where someone had held her tightely. Slowly the memories became clearer but with them also came the fear.

Maura attempted to sit up and pulled her legs up to her chest. She'd been lying on her side, the left side of her face pressed down against the cold concrete surface. Her hands and feet were cold. A cold breeze blew into the room from somewhere and when she looked up she noticed a broken window several feet above her head. The glass was covered in grease and dirt and one of the panels was missing. The sky outside was dark and she recognised the sound of rain landing in a monotone rhythm on the roof.

She let her eyes drift around. The floors were made out of solid concrete and were stained with what looked like oil and paint. The roof was in desperate need of repair. About halfway down the room water was dripping through a crack in the ceiling. It had formed a pool of water on the floor. Old fashioned wooden beams supported the roof and metal pillars seemed to hold the entire construction together. The walls had once been painted in what could have been shades of green, brown and blue but the paint had started to flake off over time, exposing the grey bricks underneath. Most of the windows were quite high up, allowing for little to no room for anyone to look in our out. At the opposite end of the room, which Maura guessed was about a hundred feet wide, was a heavy wooden door. She couldn't see how it was locked.

_I'm in an abandoned warehouse_, she thought, _but how did I get here?_

The pounding in her head was overwhelming and interrupted her chain of thought. The nausea only became stronger now that she tried to move. There was nothing that was holding her down. No ties around her wrists or ankles. She could move freely and the realisation surprised her.

It took all the effort and strength she could find to crawl onto her knees. Her stomach turned ad Maura heaved, planting her arms firmly down onto the floor. She sat on all fours, the taste of bile growing stronger in the back of her throat and with little warning her stomach emptied itself. The sour, burning taste of sick made her eyes water and the pain that shot through her body only made her feel worse. It was as if someone had poured acid into her veins, leaving her to burn from the inside out.

She coughed and spluttered, tears now glistening in her eyes, as she bit down on her tongue and forced herself to stand up. She reached out for the nearest wall in support and she pushed herself onto her feet. The world around her was spinning rapidly and when she took a step she almost immediately fell back down to her knees. The pain came sharp and she cried out, both in pain as well as frustration.

Maura tried again, with a little bit more strength this time, and crawled back onto her feet. She didn't let go of the wall as she took a tentative step, followed by a second. Carefully she placed one foot in front of the other and it was only as she walked that she realised she was no longer wearing shoes. She walked barefoot, her feet freezing cold against the concrete floor, as her hand continued to search the wall for support. Over her head the sound of thunder rolling in made her shiver. She was cold and tired. The pain was almost too much.

The door on the other side of the warehouse slowly came into view and it brought a flicker of hope to Maura's heart. Out there lay a world of freedom, a world where she would be able to find Jane and Jane would help her.

The thought of Jane made her ache. She would have given everything to have Jane beside her right now. But if she wanted to get back to her she had to keep going. She had to find some way out of this place, back into the world beyond these four walls. Only then could she try and find Jane. Did Jane know where she was? Did she know what happened? Had Jane even noticed she was gone?

Maura tried to suppress the fear of Jane not having noticed she was gone. She couldn't allow herself to think like that. She had to hope that Jane knew; that she was out there looking for her.

She was about halfway across the room when a movement in the shadows caught her attention. She saw it in the corner of her eye but by the time she turned around, it was too late. All she saw was a flash of a woman's face, partially obscured by darkness. Then came the intense pain as her fist made contact with her cheek.

Maura stumbled backwards, knocked off balance by the impact of the blow, and tripped, landing on her back. Her head bounced off the concrete and she saw silver stars dance in front of her eyes right before she swallowed up into the darkness, the taste of blood lingering on her lips.

~()~

Jane looked up when she heard the door open. She watched Korsak and Frost walk into Maura's house and quickly crossed the kitchen. When she reached them the two detectives saw the panic etched across her face and Korsak caught her into his arms just before she collapsed. Jane was exhausted and she couldn't fight the tears that had welled up in her eyes once again. When Korsak's strong arms wrapped themselves around her slender frame, she cried.

"We'll find her, Jane," the older detective promised her.

Frankie and Angela also walked into Maura's house, followed by Deanna. At the sight of her partner Jane freed herself from Korsak's embrace and straightened up. She wiped the tears from her cheek and she took a deep breath.

"I got here, knocked the door and when nobody answered I went in."

Frost nodded. "The door was unlocked?"

"Yes," Jane answered. "Maura only ever leaves her door unlocked when she's at home. She's borderline obsessive about making sure it's locked when she goes out." She caught her mother's look and she knew they both remembered the occasions where they had turned the car around just because Maura wasn't sure the door was locked. "She would never go out and leave it open."

"Does anything look out of the ordinary? Is anything missing or disturbed?"

"I…I don't know," Jane admitted. "It all looks fine but…" Her voice broke. "I haven't been here for some time. I wouldn't know." Pleading eyes found Angela's for a second time. Her mother had been here since she left. "Ma?"

"I'll look," Angela said softly. Frankie's hand rested on her shoulder. "But at first glance it looks fine."

"I'll go talk to the neighbours," Frankie said. "Maybe somebody saw something."

"She kidnaps them, keeps them for about a day, maybe two, before she disposes of them," Jane muttered softly. Her dark eyes flashed across the living room. For a split second she envisioned herself and Maura sitting on the couch, wrapped up with a blanket and popcorn as they watched a movie. It felt like a lifetime ago. She looked back up at Korsak. "We have twenty-four hours at best to find her."

"Jane…"

Korsak's voice was soft, like it had been when he first spoke to her when he saved her from Hoyt. He was the one who had saved her life that day and she had never quite been able to repay him. She'd never told him how much she appreciated him and how much his friendship meant to her. He was a mentor and a father figure, especially now that her own father had shown his true colours. He had never judged her.

"Jane." His hand was on her shoulder now. "Stop thinking like that."

"Like what?!" She snapped. It came our harsher than she had intended. He didn't even blink. He knew her too well.

"Like this is going to be the end. Focus on what we know. Let that help us find Maura." Korsak's eyes found Jane's and he looked at her in a way a father looked at a child. "We'll find her, Jane." He looked down at his watch. "What time did Doctor Isles leave?"

"Early afternoon," Frost answered. "It is now nine-fifteen. At best she's been gone for a few hours but it could be a lot less than that. It started to go dark around five. If you kidnap someone from their own home, you most likely wait till nightfall."

Jane swallowed. "Get CSU in here. Tell them to dust the whole prints." The lump in her throat got in the way. "Send someone to get prints of Maura's fiancé… I mean her ex-fiancé." The mention of the word 'ex' made everyone look up but Jane pretended that she hadn't noticed. This wasn't the time or place for discussions. "We can eliminate his from the rest of them."

"CSU are on their way," Frost confirmed. "Jane, there is nothing else we can do here tonight. Do you want one of us to drive you back to the hotel?"

Jane shook her head. "No." Her voice sounded small and she looked at her mother. "I don't want to be alone."

"I'll take her home," Angela said and protectively wrapped an arm around her daughter's shoulder before leading her out of the house.

It was raining and Jane shuddered as the drops slid behind her clothes. Angela led Jane to her car, helped her get into the passenger side and closed the door before walking around and getting behind the wheel. As she started the engine she cast Jane a sideways glance. The hurt in her daughter's eyes made her heart ache and she briefly put her hand on Jane's knee.

The drive from Maura's house to Angela's place took less than half an hour. The streets were quiet. Most people didn't want to be out in one of Boston's notorious storms. Heavy winds whipped around tall buildings, ripping branches of trees and making pieces of paper dance in the air. The rain pounded on the roof of the car when Angela pulled into the drive and she quickly got out, opened the door for Jane and then rushed up the steps to her front door. By the time Jane caught up her mother was already inside.

Jane shrugged herself out of her wet blazer and kicked off her shoes before taking off her socks. Angela handed her a towel and she dried her hair. Neither of them spoke. They didn't need to. Some things didn't need to be said. Jane watched her mother as Angela walked through her house. She found an old blouse that she gave to Jane and she smiled as she unbuttoned her own shirt. She put on Angela's blouse and inhaled the familiar scent of her mother's favourite washing powder and perfume. It was the smell of home.

"Guest room is up the stairs on your left," Angela said with a faint smile.

"Can I get some coffee?" Jane asked softly. "I… I don't really want to go to bed yet."

"Of course."

Angela disappeared into the kitchen and Jane heard a cupboard open. She heaved a sigh and focused on removing the rest of her wet clothes. She peeled her pants down her legs and placed them over the nearest radiator. All she was wearing now was her underwear and her mother's shirt. Barefoot she padded into the kitchen and found her mother pouring hot water on some instant coffee. Her favourite brand.

Jane smiled as she snaked her arms around Angela's waist and rested her head against her shoulder. "Thanks, Ma."

Angela smiled now that her daughter hugged her. Hugs from Jane were rare. "It's ok, baby."

Jane took the mug Angela gave her and inhaled the aroma of coffee. It made her feel warm inside and she carefully sipped from the black liquid before following her mother into the living room. Angela sank down on the couch and Jane sat down beside her, curling her legs up underneath her. Her eyes drifted around the room and fell on a picture of herself dressed in a uniform. The day she graduated the Academy. Back then she still had faith in the human race; she hadn't been scarred by the depravity of mankind. She was a different person compared to the young, smiling woman in the picture.

"I'm moving back to Boston."

Angela's eyes snapped up, delight flashing across her face. she almost dropped her coffee. "What?"

Jane nodded. "When all of this is over, I'm handing in my resignation with the Bureau. I'm coming home."

"Oh Jane…"

She shook her head. "I have to do this. For Maura. I can't leave her like I left her before. Not after all of this. Not now that…" Her voice broke as the reality of the situation sunk in. She didn't know if she would ever see Maura again. She swallowed hard, tears now glistening in her eyes. "I…. I need her, Ma."

"I know you'll find her," Angela said softly. "You found her before." Jane looked up in surprise. "You came back to Boston, Jane, and you found Maura."

"How can I sit here when she's out there somewhere?" Jane whispered. "I need to do something."

"You're too emotional and too tired right now," Angela cut her off. "You need some sleep and then tomorrow morning you can start focusing on this again."

"What if I don't find her?"

"You will."

"But what if I don't?"

"Jane, you _will_ find her."

Jane's cell phone vibrated and she grabbed it off the couch's armrest. Deanna's name flashed across her screen.

"Hey, you got something?"

"CSU lifted a partial print of Maura's front door."

She sat up with a jolt. "Really?!"

"Frost is running it through AFIS now. There are tons of smudges on the door but this one was rather distinct, apparently. One of the CSU's reckons it has to be recent. The weather of the last couple of days would have screwed up any other prints. It's not a perfect print but it's as much as we've got right now." Deanna's voice was soft, almost delicate. "How are you holding up?"

"I'd rather be out there with you."

"Jane, you do your best work when your mind is sharp."

"I know."

"Frost has asked if you want to join him in searching the Richardson's farm first thing tomorrow morning."

Jane ran her fingers through her damp hair. It was only now that she sat down that she really felt how tired she was. Her body ached and her head hurt. "Tell him I'll meet him there at eight. Text me the address." She hung up and flung herself into the cushions on the sofa, her eyes focused on the ceiling. "God, I wish that Richardson was still alive."

Angela sat up in shock. "Jane! That killed five women. Why would you say that?"

"Because if he was still alive, Maura wouldn't be missing right now."

It was a horrible compromise but Jane would have done anything if it meant bringing Maura home safe. The crime scene photos of the tortured bodies flashed before her eyes. The piano chord, the blood and the numbers carved into the women's stomachs. She didn't want to think about this happening to Maura. The mere thought made her sick but she knew she had to think about it because it was all connected. Finding Maura was what mattered now but to find Maura she would have to dig deep into the dark, depraved mind of their killer.

She sighed as she looked around the living room, remembering the moment where she and Maura had first laid eyes on each other after two years. She would do anything to have that moment back. She'd rather be fighting with Maura than not have her at all. Her eyes fluttered shut as she was confronted by the memory of Maura's face, illuminated by a streetlight as the rain fell down around them. They had both been so lost, so terribly lost. All she wanted now was to find her. She had to find her, even if it killed her. Without Maura, she might as well be dead.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's note: **I've been away for a few days. Only managed half a chapter while I was gone so finished it off when I got home. Here you go!

* * *

**Chapter 15**

Jane woke early the next morning. She was surprised she had slept at all but the second her head had hit the pillow, she'd fallen into a deep pool of darkness. She hadn't dreamt and as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, she was grateful for that. The thought of seeing Maura in her dreams wasn't something she could bear and she swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. She checked her watch that she'd left on the bedside table. 7.05 am. As she padded across the room she heard footsteps downstairs and what sounded like the jingle of Angela's favourite morning talk show.

This was the first time she'd spent the night at her mother's new place. Before her parents got divorced, Jane knew every nook and cranny of their old house. She knew which steps creaked on the stairs; she knew which door got stuck during the summer and which window would freeze during the winter. There had been a mark on the bathroom floor where Jane had spilled her mother's favourite red nail polish when she was seven. The mark never quite came off and the bathroom had always looked like someone had bled all over it. She knew every stain on the dated wallpaper, no matter how hard her mother had tried to scrub it off. But this house was different. It was clean, bright and, as she looked around, she realised there were no memories here.

Jane walked out of the bedroom and made her way across to the bathroom. She got into the shower, washed her hair and used her mother's body wash to clean herself up. It had been a long day and yesterday's events had left her feeling grubby. When she stepped out of the shower she was clean but didn't feel any better. She padded back to her room, opened the old fashioned drawer in the corner and found some of her mother's clothes. They weren't much of a perfect fit but she put them on anyway. With her hair still wet Jane made her way down the stairs.

Just as she walked into the living room her cell phone vibrated. She answered and her heart pounded in throat. Deanna's name flashed across the screen. "You got something?"

"I think you need to get to Headquarters, Jane."

"What?!" Jane said it so loudly that Angela came walking out of the kitchen, concern etched across her face. She clutched a tea towel and wore an apron. Jane could smell pancakes.

"Just get here, Jane."

"I'll take you," Angela said before Jane even had to ask. She disappeared into the kitchen to turn off the stove, grabbed her car keys and her bag. When she reappeared she gave one glance at what Jane was wearing, smiled to herself as she was struck by how much Jane looked like her and started for the door. Jane was right behind her and she quietly followed her mother to her car. When she climbed into the passenger side, Angela could tell she was scared.

Jane didn't speak all the way through the journey to BPD Headquarters. She felt the beating of her heart, the only reminder that she was still alive. She felt numb and cold inside, like everything that meant something to her had been taken away. The radio played softly in the background as thick, heavy drops of rain fell from the grey skies over Boston. She stared out of the window as her index fingers drew circles around the scars on her left hand. Angela watched her every so often and what she saw in her daughter's eyes broke her heart. She had never seen Jane more distraught than now.

Jane stormed into the incident room less than half an hour later and found Deanna, Frost and Korsak standing around the computer. The trio looked up when she came in, her dark hair billowing behind her. She walked with urgency, the sound of her footsteps echoing along as she came closer. They all noticed the clothes she was wearing but nobody said anything. Janet's face was a mix of fear and despair and her eyes reflected the pain she felt inside.

"What have you got?" she breathed.

Her throat was dry and sore, making her voice even raspier than normal, and she managed a quick smile when Deanna handed her a bottle of water. It was a quiet peace offering that changed everything between them. Jane briefly met her partner's eyes and she knew that what had happened after Megan found out about her and Maura had been forgotten now. They were working together once again. They were FBI Agents first in this moment and human beings second.

"We ran the print we found through the system," Korsak said and Jane's face lit up. "Thing with partials is that they are never a hundred percent accurate and you can get more than one hit. It's looking at the closest ones but it's not a perfect match."

Jane circled the computer. "Four possible suspects?!" she hissed as she looked at the four pictures on the screen and the little bit of hope she had felt slowly slipped away. She turned back around to Korsak and he could see I in her face. "Richardson's sister was never registered anywhere. How do we even know if we have her prints on file?!"

"We don't," Frost agreed, understanding that Jane was feeling desperate. They had already discussed this before she got here, knowing that the dark haired agent would ask. "But we have at least got four women whose prints _are_ in the system and one of these could be our copycat. It's not much and it's definitely not certain but it's the best we've got right now, Jane."

Jane sucked in a ragged breath. "Our killer is a blonde." She looked back at the four photos. Only three out of the four were fair haired. "Tests determined the colour was natural, not artificial so that rules out this one." She pointed at the picture on the far right and narrowed her eyes. She focused on the third picture.

Piercing blue eyes stared back at her. They were cold and distant, like all life had been robbed from them. They reminded Jane of the eyes of a doll. The woman's hair was blonde and reached down to her shoulders. It looked like it hadn't been cut for several months or seen a brush for that same length of time. Her face was oval shaped with high cheekbones and a narrow nose. She could have been pretty, Jane thought, but the dark lines across her face and deep rings around her eyes had aged her before her time. The woman's face appeared gaunt and she was pale, as if she had avoided sunlight.

Something about her made the hairs in the back of Jane's neck stand up. "What about her?" she wanted to know.

Frost clicked on the picture and the woman's rap sheet appeared. " Her name is Tamara Burton, twenty three years old. When She was arrested for DUI three years ago. When she was arrested she said she was homeless. No last known address. In fact, no last known anything."

"Twenty-three?" Jane whistled through her teeth and looked back at the picture. "Man, she looks more like forty three!"

"Meth will do that to you," Korsak said and when Jane looked up at him he shrugged. "I know a meth addict when I see one."

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say something that may be completely insane," Jane began slowly. "Frost, can you pull up Kevin Richardson's mug shot from the day he was arrested?"

Frost's fingers flew across the keyboard and a few seconds later Jane looked at the face of the man who'd gotten under her skin and who had forced her to turn her back on everything because he had gotten too close. She shuddered at the sight of him but also felt strangely strengthened. She looked back at her former partner and noticed how he looked at the picture the same way she did. Suddenly Jane felt guilty. For the last two years she'd only thought about how this case had impacted on her. She'd never thought how Frost, Korsak or Maura had felt after what happened. She put a hand on his shoulder. A touch would never be able to tell him she was sorry but she hoped he'd understand.

"Is it possible to run these four pictures against that picture of Richardson?"

"I can try but I can't promise it will give us anything and I don't know if it wold hold up in court if I did."

"Do it anyway. We'll deal with the legal issues later."

The atmosphere in the room changed after those words. It was as if a switch was flicked. Suddenly the hesitation vanished and adrenaline flooded into the room. Korsak and Frost shared a look that didn't need words. Jane was an FBI Agent and the fact that she was not worried about the legal aspects of what they were about to do, told everyone that a line had been crossed. They were looking for one of their own and when it came to finding their friend, every rule in the book went out of the window.

Frost somehow managed to pile all the pictures together, layering them like a stack of cards. He eventually hit enter and to Jane's surprise, lines began to run across the pictures, one by one. The lines were then matched to lines drawn across the face of Richardson. The forehead as well as the nose, cheekbones, chin and the jawline.

"You know this doesn't have to mean anything, don't you?" Deanna said, feeling as if she had to remind Jane that if they found something here it wouldn't necessarily be the answer they were hoping for. "One of these women could just look like Richardson without having to be his sister."

"Not just one of these women," Jane said slowly as the lines stopped flashing and white letters appeared across the computer screen spelling the word MATCH. She pointed at the picture they'd all been looking at, the one that belonged to Tamaro Burton, the woman Korsak had described as a meth addict. Jane's features darkened as she stared at the face of what she believed was evil reincarnated. "_That_ woman. I think we just found Kevin Richardson's sister. We've got our killer."

Deanna's eyes lit up. "What are we gonna do? We don't know where she is or if Tamara Burton is her real name."

"People often use fake last names but not very often a fake first name. It's too confusing." Jane's dark eyes gleamed with excitement. "Frost, you and Korsak have another chat with Richardson's old man. See if he can tell us anything about his daughter." Jane looked at Deanna. "You and I are going back to where this all began."

Deanna arched an eyebrow. "Where's that?"

"The barn where Kevin Richardson killed Erin Montgomery."

She glanced at her partner and started for the door without speaking. Deanna followed, leaving Frost and Korsak behind. The two detectives watched the FBI Agents leave before standing up as well. They bickered, as usual, about who would drive to the farm, and Frost suggested asking Megan to join them so she could help them deal with old Richardson. They found the profiler at a desk in the corner of the bullpen and noticed how her eyes followed Jane as she left. She looked up in surprise when Frost asked if she wanted to join them but seemed relieved at the same time.

Jane and Deanna made their way down into the lobby in the elevator. Jane ran into the café to grab them something to eat, kissed Angela on her cheek and thanked her for driving her into work before storming off towards the main entrance of the building where Deanna was waiting for her. It was only eight thirty in the morning but Jane knew that the day was about to change into something completely different from what she had expected when she woke up that morning.

The drive to out to the old barn brought back memories Jane didn't even know still existed. After asking Cavanaugh for permission she and Deanna took one of the unmarked police cars and soon left the city skyline behind them. The streets became quieter and soon they were surrounded by farmland. As they drove through the countryside, the fields covered with muddy pools of water and the leaves stripped of their leaves, Jane was thrown back to the moment in time two years ago when she and every other cop BPD could spare drove down this same road, adrenaline pumping through their veins as they hoped to rescue Erin Montgomery. Nobody could have known that things would end so differently.

"You ok?" Deanna asked softly. She looked at Jane and noticed how her fingers had grabbed firm hold of the wheel. Her knuckles were white. Bitterness was etched across her face. She recognised the mask of someone who was confronted by their demons. Jane was looking hers straight in the face.

"Yeah," Jane answered. Her voice was husky. She only now realised how clammy her hands were and tried to relax. It was useless. Every cell in her body was hyped up. "I haven't driven down this road for two years."

"Jane, we'll find her."

"If she does to Maura what she's done to all these other women…"

"Jane, you don't know that she will. She did all of this to get to you. Tamara doesn't have the same reasons for killing these women like Richardson did. This is about you, not about her. The reason she took Maura…"

"Is because of me," Jane finished Deanna's sentence. Tears welled up in her eyes. "I took the person she loved the most away from her so she's doing the same to me."

"Jane…"

"I should have seen it when Megan said the copycat was related to Richardson somehow. I should have seen it and I didn't. The same way I didn't see that Richardson had to kill Erin." She swallowed hard and angrily wiped the tears out of her eyes. "If something happens to Maura, it's on me. I screwed up."

"Jane, don't do this to yourself."

"I have to!"

She snapped. The anger, the hurt and the pain that she had locked away so carefully burst out of her without warning and Jane slammed the brakes off the car so suddenly that they were both thrown back into their seats with force. The seatbelt cut into her shoulder but she ignored the burning pain. Her hands slipped from the wheel into her lap and she looked down. The tears came without warning and she broke. Slowly, the pieces began to fall apart, slipping away one by one until they exposed everything that had been hidden beneath.

Deanna didn't do anything. Throughout their two years of working together she had learnt that Jane dealt with her emotions alone, in her own time. On the rare occasions that she had seen her partner cry or upset, Jane had refused a comforting shoulder or a caring touch. So she waited, her eyes fixed on the woman sitting next to her, and her arms ready to embrace her the moment Jane would ask. She didn't speak because there were no words that could erase the way Jane felt.

Jane Rizzoli had come undone.

~()~

It was the persistent growling of her stomach that lured her out of the darkness. The sharp pangs of hunger made her cringe and Maura curled up into a ball in an attempt to fight off the pain. Her body ached and her head was pounding. Whenever she tried to open her eyes and focus on her surroundings, her vision would become blurred. The sickness and dizziness whenever she moved had already helped her diagnose herself with a concussion. Dried blood clung to her face and her hands. Her fingernails had broken off. Cuts and abrasions covered her body. Her clothes were dirty and had started to smell of a mixture of blood, dirt and the sour scent of vomit.

"Sit up."

The voice was loud and it Maura flinched. When she didn't move two strong hands grabbed hold of her and yanked her up. She howled in pain and the nausea was instant. She heaved but there was nothing left in her stomach to come out. The taste of bile in her throat was horrific. She was thirsty and she eagerly reached out to what looked like a bottle of water when it appeared in front of her.

"Drink."

Maura's hands shook as she unscrewed the lid. She mentally forced herself to drink the water slowly, knowing that the suddenly cool liquid would only antagonize her already irritated stomach. She sipped slowly, savouring every drop. Now that her body was slowly being hydrated, she felt strong enough to lift up her head and look up at the person towering over her.

A woman. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Dressed in a pair of jeans and what appeared to be a sweater.

"Who are you?" Maura breathed. Her voice was gone. Robbed by the violence and the cold, the lack of food and water. She felt weak and tired. The world around her was still spinning. The headache was blinding. "What do you want?"

"Oh, it's not about what I want from you," the woman answered. There was something about the tone of her voice. Almost as if she enjoyed seeing Maura so weak and so broken. "It's about what I want from Jane."

"Jane?"

The blonde woman cocked her head. Cold eyes met Maura's for the first time. "Do you know who I am?"

Maura opened her mouth but struggled to speak. "You're Kevin Richardson's sister," she muttered. Her hazel eyes tried to look around. She appeared to be in a different place. It didn't look like the warehouse anymore. It smelt different too. Like dried grass, animals and motor oil.

"Jane Rizzoli killed my brother."

"No." Maura lifted up her chin with all the strength she could find. "Your brother got himself killed when he was arrested for murdering those women."

"SHUT UP!"

The punch against her jaw knocked Maura down to the floor and she instinctively rolled onto her side and protected her head with her arms. The painful whimper that escaped her made the blonde woman laugh and Maura shivered.

"Because of Jane Rizzoli I am alone. Now she's going to know exactly how it feels to be me. To have the only person who ever gave a damn about you taken away."

Maura caught a glimpse of her attacker's face, lit up by a beam of sunlight falling through a window. What she saw frightened her. The eyes of the woman were dead, like there was no life left in her. The woman dropped to her knees beside Maura and the honey blonde doctor cried out in terror when she grabbed a fistful of her hair ad dragged Maura across the room.

"She is going to know _exactly _how I feel."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

The sight of the old neglected barn and the abandoned farm house brought shivers down Jane's spine. She parked the car a few feet from what had once been the front porch and got out. The soil beneath her feet was muddy. Puddles of water covered the grounds. As she straightened her back and looked around she felt the cold chill of the wind as it whipped around her face. In a flash she was taken back to the day she had first walked onto this site. The sound of sirens wailing echoed in the back of her mind and Jane swallowed hard. The sky over their heads was grey and it had only just stopped raining. Drops of water still glistened on the old wooden porch beams.

"Did this place mean anything to Richardson?" Deanna asked as she too got out of the car. The eerie silence of their surroundings was unnerving and her fingers subconsciously grazed across the gun on her waist.

Jane shook her head. "No. It was just convenient." She turned around and pointed at something in the distance. The farm fields stretched as far as they could see. "The Richardson farm is about fifteen miles east from here. This place has been out of business for almost two decades. According to the farmers in the area, the family just packed up and left one day. They never came back."

"Jane."

The tone of Deanna's voice was enough to make her turn around and she saw her partner look at something on the ground. She stood maybe a couple of feet away and when Jane came closer she could see the concern etched across Deanna's face.

"What is it?"

"How long did you say this place has been abandoned for?"

"Almost twenty years. And I don't think anybody's been here since Richardson got arrested. Most people don't want to go near this place because of what happened. Not even your crazy ass teenagers. It's too far out of the city for them to drive. Why?"

"Tire tracks," Deanna pointed out and Jane's stomach did an unexpected double flip. "In the mud. It's been raining on and off all night and all morning. If these were old, they would have been washed away by now." Her eyes met Jane's and she read the raven haired woman's mind. "Someone's been here."

Jane's hand shot down to her gun and she had removed it from her holster before Deanna could even blink. Her heart pounded in the back of her throat and, as she clutched her gun with her right hand, she reached for her cell phone in her pocket with her left. She dialled Frost's number from speed dial and when he answered she recognised the distinct sound of a radio playing in the background. He and Korsak were still driving.

"Where are you?" she asked and tried to stay calm.

"About three miles from Richardson's farm. Why?"

"Turn around."

"What?"

"Turn around."

"Jane, what's going on?"

"Just turn around and meet us at the old barn. No sirens, nothing."

She hung up and looked at Deanna. Her partner her drawn her gun too. They didn't speak. They had worked plenty of dangerous situations together to know and understand how the other thought. Jane went ahead. She knew the area better than Deanna did. She had searched the old farm house and the barn two years ago. Although she didn't know every nook and cranny, she knew the basics and she knew the best places to hide. The wooden steps creaked under her boots as she stepped up to the front door. Most of the wood around the porch had started to rot. Soon there would be little left. Her hand closed around the door handle and not to her surprise, the door gave way.

The stale smell of dust, rotting wood and general old stuffiness filled her nose when she stepped into the dark hallway. Her eyes needed a few moments to adapt to her dimly lit surroundings. Jane's heart hammered in her throat and she took a few tentative steps ahead, her gun raised up to chest level. To her right was an old kitchen. It looked the same as it had done two years ago, only with more cockroaches and cobwebs. The curtains were dirtier and the windows greasier but she the kitchen cupboards were still open from when officers had searched this house two years ago.

From the kitchen they reached the living room. The furniture was covered in white sheets which in turn were covered in dust. Jane looked at some of the photo frames mounted on the wall. They provided a glimpse into the past, into a family life that had once existed within these walls. The voices of adults and the footsteps of children had not been heard here for quite some time. The family that had lived here had left without their most precious and personal belongings. Jane had tried to track them down after they arrested Richardson but she had been unable to find any of them. She sighed as she looked around the dingy room. It was as if a ghost from the past wandered through these rooms. Time stood still whilst outside the world had moved on and changed so much. The curtains were drawn, banishing any form of sunlight from the room. Jane turned around to see Deanna in the doorway. Their gazes locked.

"Clear."

"How about upstairs?"

"One of the officers fell through the floorboards when they searched up there." Jane shook her head. "The wood is so brittle it wouldn't support our weight. Nobody's been in this house for a long time."

"So what's left?"

"The place where Erin Montgomery died," Jane answered and her eyes darkened as she looked around the living room one last time. Her voice hinted at her fear. "The barn."

"I didn't see a car outside anywhere, did you?" Deanna asked as they left the house and stepped back out into the fresh air. Her lungs eagerly sucked in the oxygen in an attempt to rid themselves of the dust inside the house.

Jane shook her head. "The barn round back can easily hide several vehicles."

She glanced down the drive way, hoping to see Frost and Korsak's appear in the distance but there was nothing to see. Her heart sank as the daunting realisation hit her that she and Deanna would have to start the search alone. Her grip on her gun tightened as she stepped off the porch and began circling the house. Deanna was right behind her. Jane could sense her without having to look back over her shoulder.

When they circled the house and reached what had once been the back garden, Deanna saw the several larger outbuildings. Two looked like large tool sheds. Both roofs had collapsed and the wooden structures had all but caved in. Grass, flowers and weeds had sprouted from its walls. The back garden itself was overgrown with grass that reached as high as her waist. When she looked more closely she noticed some of the grass had been trodden down. Someone had walked on it recently. She quietly took Jane's arm and pointed at the obvious spots in the grass,

"Drag marks," Jane whispered as her eye fell on tracks in the mud behind the garden gate. "Someone's been here."

She looked up and her gaze fixed on the large barn at the end of the site. It was taller than the house and built almost solely out of wood. The roof, unlike the smaller buildings, had managed to withstand the tests of time and nature. It hadn't changed in two years. The paint had flaked off the outside walls a little more, showing the old wood underneath. The tall double doors were closed and the windows covered in dirt and grease.

Jane's eyes fluttered shut as she remembered the moment she had walked through those doors, gun drawn. The sight of Kevin Louis Richardson covered in blood still lay fresh in her mind, as if it had only happened yesterday. The silence in the barn had only been cut by the soft crying and pleading from Erin Montgomery. After that, all hell broke loose and nothing would ever be like it was. The way the blue and red lights cut through the darkness as night fell, leaving the faces of those on the scene looking haunted and broken.

She fought back the bile rising in her throat and Jane looked down at her hands. They were clean, not covered in blood. She did not hear the soft gurgling from a woman fighting for her life and she did not watch the life fade in her eyes as she lost her battle. This was another moment, another day. She had another chance to fix what she had done wrong. She had a chance to save Maura.

"You sure she's here?" Deanna asked and she placed a hand on Jane's arm. The touch snapped the dark haired FBI Agent out of her memories.

"Yes." There wasn't a hint of doubt in her voice. "I know she's here."

"What do we do? Do we wait for back up?"

Jane knew that it would be best if they did but the minutes were ticking away. She couldn't wait for someone else to come and help. She knew what had happened when she waited two years ago. A woman had died because she waited. She wasn't going to let that happen again.

"We're going in."

"Jane!" Deanna hissed but it was already too late.

Jane started for the barn, her gun drawn and in a slightly crouched position so that nobody could see her from any of the windows. She moved quietly through the mud as the dirt splashed up her pant leg. Her dark eyes were trained on the double doors. She had entered through them before. She knew they looked heavier than they were and opened relatively easily without a lot of noise. Her heart pounded against her ribcage as she finally reached the barn and pressed herself against the wall. She was maybe six feet from the door and moved towards it.

When she looked up again she found Deanna with her gun trained on the doors. They shared a look and Jane silently counted to three before reaching for the handle. The door opened easily and without a sound. She slipped inside, disappearing into the darkness, and waited until Deanna appeared behind her. The smell of dried grass, motor oil and hay penetrated her nose. Her stomach tightened as the nausea overwhelmed her. With every step she took she felt like she was about to walk back into the past.

The barn was large and Jane nervously looked up. There was another level over their heads where the old farmer used to store most of his hay. When they searched the place after Richardson's arrest they had found a sleeping bag up there. This had been where he slept as he kept his victims in this barn. He never left them. Up there was also where they found some of his notes. Disturbing thoughts written down in the neatest of handwritings. Jane had never before been offered such a glimpse into a sick mind. She thought she knew Hoyt but when Richardson crossed her path she'd wondered if she ever really understood how psychopathic serial killers really worked.

"Jane?" Deanna whispered and Jane looked up. Her partner was a few steps ahead of her and had crouched down behind a large pile of old bags of hay. Most of them were ripped and the stuff had spread across the floor, muffling their footsteps.

Jane crawled over to her partner and kneeled down beside her. From there she peered past some of the bags and noticed that the layout of the barn on the other side had changed since the last time she was here. It was tidier, like someone had tried to clean up. But the tidied up floor revealed something that chilled Jane's heart and she gasped when she saw the blood spatter on the ground. There was more of it than she ever remembered there being and she looked at Deanna.

"I think she killed these women in the same place her brother did."

"How would she have known about this?"

Jane heaved a sigh. "I'm beginning to think she was part of it. Maybe Megan was right. Maybe she was so submissive to her brother's sick fantasies that she did whatever he asked of her." She looked back at the blood spatter. "Think about it. A woman generally becomes uncomfortable if a man were to approach her outside of even follows her for a short distance. Women are far less likely to be freaked out by another woman."

"You think he had her do the stalking?"

"Some of it, yeah. I think she will have helped him identify his victims and he used her to get to them. He did the kidnapping and the killing but she was part of it." Jane ran her fingers through her hair. "The poor girl never stood a chance."

"You ready?" Deanna breathed as she slowly stood up, ready to explore the barn further.

Jane silently nodded and stood up too. She carefully placed one foot in front of the other, walking with small but steady steps. Her index finger pressed against the trigger of her gun, ready to fire if she had to. The heavy pounding of her heart almost drowned out the rest of the world. The back of her throat was dry and the nausea didn't quite leave her. Every few seconds her eyes flashed back to Deanna. They walked in a perfect mirror image of each other.

Deanna pointed that she was turning towards the left and indicated that Jane stayed right. She nodded and watched as her partner disappeared from her view for the first time since arriving here. She took a deep breath and carefully ventured towards the right hand side of the barn. An old tractor that had been half dismantled stood close to the wall. Some of its parts lay scattered around of the floor. The metal had begun to rust.

"Jane?"

She knew that voice as well as she knew her own. Although it was nothing but a whisper, it was definitely Maura's. Jane's heart leapt up and she circled the tractor. Maura lay on the ground, on her side, curled up into a ball. Blood covered most of her face and her clothes were ripped and torn.

"Oh God, Maura!" Jane breathed as she fell to her knees beside the honey blonde woman and carefully reached out to touch her. Tears welled up in her eyes when she saw the black eye, the split lip and the cut across Maura's cheek. Bruises had spread across her soft skin, marking her in a way that shattered Jane's heart. "Oh Maura…"

Maura reached out a shaking head and her fingers grazed across Jane's arm. Tired hazel eyes looked up at her and she tried to smile but she couldn't. She just sighed when she felt Jane touch her and her eyes fell shut. "I kept hoping you'd come." She said it so softly that Jabe could barely hear her. "I kept hoping, Jane."

"I'm here," Jane whispered as a lonely tear trickled down her cheek. She brushed some hair out of Maura's face. She felt warm, Jane realised. Maura had a fever. "I'm here and I'm going to get you out of here." She leant in and planted a soft kiss on Maura's head. When her lips touched the doctor's skin she truly felt how hot Maura really was. She had to get her out of here and to a hospital. Maura stirred as Jane caressed her face. "I'm going to take you home and I promise I'll never ever leave you again."

It happened so fast that she barely had time to react, let alone blink. The pain came sharp and Jane howled in pain as her body tumbled and fell to the floor. Instinctively she rolled onto her side and threw her arms over Maura's head to protect her but strong hands grabbed hold of her and forced her onto her back. She stared up into the face of the woman whose picture she'd seen that morning. Tamara Richardson hovered over her like a hunter hovered over its prey. Jane had never seen a purer hatred in anyone's eyes.

"Well, well, well," Tamara said mockingly and she dropped the large piece of wood she'd used to knock Jane to the floor. Dark blood trickled down the FBI agent's face and Jane tried to ignore the lingering pain in the back of her neck where Tamara had hit her. "Look who we have here."

"Let her go," Jane said with a raspy voice and she attempted to move closer towards Maura. From the corner of her eye she noticed that Maura didn't move. Panic overwhelmed her. "You've got me. Let Doctor Isles go and I'm yours."

"Always the hero," Tamara chuckled but then her face hardened. She set her jaw and shook her head. Whatever hint of humanity had been present before had now dissapeared. "She stays, Jane. And so do you."

"Okay," Jane breathed. "Okay. We stay." She looked at Tamara. The resemblance with her brother was striking and it chilled her to the bone. Evil didn't have one face. It had two. Her breath hitched. "What did your brother make you do, Tamara? Did he force you to watch as he tortured and raped those women?" Tamara's face remained emotionless. "Did he rape you, too?"

"My brother loved me!" Tamara shouted. "He was the only one who loved me."

Jane's heart was racing in her chest. It was beating so fast she felt it was about to explode. "His little sister. The one his parents didn't dare send away like they did his brother. Did he ever tell you what he did to Laura? Did he ever tell you that he drowned her in the creek on your parents' farm?"

"Laura was trying to catch frogs. She fell into the water and drowned!"

"Is that what he told you?" Jane challenged her. "He lied, Tamara. Your brother drowned Laura and your parents were so scared of him that they sent his little brother away." Her voice was hoarse and her throat dry. Maura still hadn't moved. "And then they had another baby. They had you. And they kept you with him. Did you ever think about why they had you, Tamara? They had you so you could replace Laura. You were the replacement for the child their own son had murdered."

"Kevin was my everything," Tamara hissed and she stepped closer to Jane.

Only now did Jane see the piano wire in her hand. The knife was tucked behind the waistband of her jeans and the blade was stained with blood. Jane's eyes widened as Tamara came nearer and suddenly the blonde woman grabbed hold of her, forcing her to her knees. Jane's body was dragged across the floor and she bit back the pain. Tamara's grip on her hair loosened and Jane tried to look over her shoulder but the wire was wrapped around her neck before she could do so.

"I was going to kill her and watch you suffer for the rest of your life but I've changed my mind," Tamara hissed as she slowly tightened the wire. Jane felt the hard material cut into the flesh of her neck and she desperately clawed at it in an attempt to free herself. She couldn't get behind it and the more she struggled the tighter the wire became. Her lungs protested against the lack of oxygen. "I was going to steal her from you like you stole my brother, Jane. He was everything to me. He was my heart. You ripped it out of my chest and I died." Tamara leant in, her lips now close to Jane's ear. Warm blood began to seep from the cut across her neck as the wire sliced through her flesh. Jane started to feel lightheaded and the room began to spin. "And now _you die_, Jane."

The darkness started closing in and Jane felt her fingers and toes grow cold as her body desperately tried to preserve blood and oxygen for her vital organs. She turned her head enough to look at Maura one last time. Her eyes were closed. If she had to die she would die with Maura being the last person that she saw. She tried to hold on to that image, to the sound of Maura's voice and the touch of her hand. Jane desperately tried to cling on to the last little bit of hope and strength and she reached out in a final attempt to touch Maura but she could feel only air.

The gunshot rang out without warning and then there was only darkness.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

The sounds in the room were slowly beginning to reach her. She heard voices. Distant voices, like they were whispering. She didn't know if they belonged to a man or a woman. She couldn't make out what they were saying. The beeping sounds of machines slowly filtered through to her brain. Monotone and high pitched, it cut through the rest of the sounds every few seconds. It became louder and then faded again, as if the volume was slowly being turned down. Eventually she couldn't hear it anymore. Perhaps it had been switched off.

Someone was pulling at her. She could feel hands on her arm and someone was near her feet. Something was being torn, perhaps ripped. A cold gust of wind against her skin and an involuntary shiver crept down her spine. The pain came and went, crashing over her in waves before disappearing again only to return much stronger in the next round. She wanted to open her eyes but she couldn't. They were too weak. She wanted to speak, to shout, but there was no voice when she tried to open her mouth.

"Jane Rizzoli. Female, 36 years of age. She's a cop with Boston PD. Suspect tried to strangle her with a piano wire. Extensive trauma and bruising to the neck and throat and possible damage to her larynx. She's been in an out of consciousness. BP is 145 over 90."

"Jane? Jane, can you hear me?"

Someone shone a bright light into her eye. She wanted to tell him to back off, that she could hear him loud and clear and that there was no need to shout but she couldn't. She heard her own voice only in her head. No words came out. She didn't even know if she had tried to open her mouth. She couldn't move her arms or her legs. There were hands everywhere, touching her and holding her down. The scratching pain of a needle being pushed into her vein alerted her that someone was doing something to her.

"Get her onto an IV, get me two bags of O negative and arrange for an X-ray and scan of neck and chest. I want to see how much damage has been done. Is she breathing on her own?"

"Yes. We considered intubating but didn't want to risk doing more than damage. She seems to be doing fine on her own."

She heard a shuffling sound. Footsteps, people walking around. More voices. She smelt disinfectant and the distinct scent of rubber gloves. The beeping of the machine became louder again and continued to make a sound every few seconds. It seemed fast. Too fast.

"When they called it in they said there was a second female. What do we know about her?"

"Maura Isles, female, also aged 36. They've moved her to the trauma room. Suspected radius and ulna fracture and a possible subdural hematoma."

"Status?"

"Unknown. We should know more in the next hour. For now its touch and go. All we can do is wait."

She wanted to ask them where Maura was, what had happened, where they were. She wanted someone to tell her that things were going to be okay. She wanted someone to take the fear and the pain away. After what felt like an eternity the darkness came and swallowed her up again. She didn't feel anything at all.

When she woke the room was still shrouded in darkness. The only light came from a small lamp above her head. She tried to move and found that her limbs moved almost freely. A soft groan escaped her as she pushed herself up and let her dark eyes wander around the room. It wasn't very big and the walls had been painted in shades of cream and almost sickening hospital green. Lino covered the floor and the sheets on the bed were definitely standard hospital issue. As she pulled her arm she noticed it was hooked up to an IV beside her bed.

Her head hurt and it was thumping. The images were blurred and she couldn't make sense of what she was thinking. She remembered flashes. Sounds, smells, faces. But she couldn't make out what had happened, what was real and what was her imagination. She heaved a sigh as her gaze fixed on the arm chair in the corner of the room. A figure lay curled up on their side, a pillow propped under their head and a blanket covering their legs.

"Ma?"

Angela Rizzoli immediately sat up and her eyes filled with tears. "Janie!"

She rushed over to the bed and wrapped her arms around her daughter's neck, pulling her close. She held her so tight that after a couple of seconds Jane had to tap her on the shoulder.

"Ma, I can't breathe!"

Angela quickly let go of her. Worried eyes trailed over her daughter's slender frame. Wearing nothing but a blue hospital gown and with her wild black curls cascading down her back, Jane looked forlorn. She was pale apart from the bruises covering her face, neck and arms. But it was the bandage around her daughter's throat that drew Angela's attention. Still pristinely clean it told a quiet story of what had happened and why Jane was here.

"It's good to see you awake, Janie," Angela said softly. She took her daughter's hand into her own as she pulled the chair closer to the bed. Jane's hand felt warm. A single tear trickled down Angela's face. "I was so scared, Jane."

Jane guiltily looked down into her lap and studied the IV one of the nurses had put into her hand. Whenever her mother said she had been scared because of what Jane did she did feel guilty but she also knew that nothing would ever change. This was the job she'd chosen and although she'd gotten hurt several times throughout her career, she still couldn't imagine her doing anything else.

After a few minutes she looked back up. "Ma, where's Maura?"

Angela's features instantly changed and her grip on Jane's tightened. "Jane, I think this can wait till the morning…"

"No." Jane yanked her hand from underneath her mother's. Blazing brown eyes studied her mother's face. She knew that look. It was her mother's 'there is something you need to know but I don't know how to tell you' look. Jane had seen it plenty of times before. Anger settled in her chest. "Where's Maura, Ma?"

"Jane…"

"Where is Maura?!"

Angela realised she wouldn't be able to win this battle and opened her mouth to speak but Jane was done waiting. She kicked the blankets away from herself and slipped out of bed. Without hesitation she unplugged the IV machine which gave a soft beep in protest but then fell silent. She'd taken three steps by the time Angela caught up with her, grabbed her arm and turned her around.

"Where do you think you're going?!" It was the tone a mother would use to reprimand a naughty child.

"I need to see Maura, Ma," Jane said. There was a hint of despair in her voice and Angela could see the fear in her daughter's eyes. "I need to see her and if you won't tell me where she is, I'll find someone who will."

"Ok." Angela sighed. "Ok. I'll take you to her."

She opened the door and led Jane into the hallway. It was quiet. Jane had no idea what time it was but she guessed it had to be the middle of the night. There were no people in the hallway. All the doors were closed and only a few lights were on. She wheeled her IV behind her as she followed her mother down the hall towards the elevator. They passed the nurse's station which, to Jane's surprise, was abandoned. She wasn't sure the nurses would have let her leave the ward in the middle of the night.

Angela held the elevator door for Jane and pressed the number two. The doors slid shut and in the haunting white light of the small metal chamber, Angela l0oked up at her daughter. The dark rings around Jane's eyes betrayed how tired she was. The sight of the bruises and the injuries to her neck filled Angela with fear but she knew better than to voice those fears. When Jane got shot several years earlier she'd been terrified, only to have those fears dismissed once Jane was strong enough to walk and talk. It wasn't like her daughter didn't care. She knew Jane cared. Jane just didn't want to think about the fear her job created in her mother's life. If she allowed that fear to get to her she'd be worrying every single time she drew her gun and she couldn't live like that.

The elevator doors slid open and Angela stepped out. Jane followed. Her feet were cold and she wished she'd put on some socks. She followed her mother down the hall and after a few metres, Angela geld still outside a door. Jane looked up to see the sign ICU over her head and her heart sank. Big, brown eyes looked at her mother as Angela slowly opened the door, revealing the room behind it.

The room looked almost identical to hers, only it was bigger. The same horrific colour paint on the walls and the same distinct hospital smell. Jane tentatively stepped into the room and her gaze immediately fell on the bed. Maura lay on her back, propped up against two pillows. Her face was swollen and bruised. The cut across her cheek had been stitched. An IV dripped fluid and medication into her body through the needle in her hand.

"Oh Maura…"

Jane covered her mouth with her hand and slowly walked over to the bed. She carefully reached out and touched Maura's hand. The honey blonde lay so still that Jane almost expected her skin to feel cold but she sighed in relief when Maura's hand was warm. Her fingers ghosted across the back of Maura's hand and her eyes fluttered shut. Quiet tears slowly fell through her eyelashes.

Angela wrapped her arms around her daughter's shoulders and pulled her closer. "This isn't your fault, Jane," she whispered softly. "You didn't do this to her."

"It is my fault," Jane quietly sobbed. "This happened because of me."

"Jane…"

"Is she going to be OK?" Jane looked back at Maura. "She's going to be fine, right?"

"The doctors say she's doing well. They thought she had some fractures on her arm but nothing's broken, just very, very bruised. The blows to the head have left her with a mild concussion but nothing more serious than that. They've given her a sedative to help her sleep but she's doing allright." Angela answered. She squeezed Jane's hand. "She's going to be fine."

Jane sighed and moved closer to the bed. She carefully leant in and kissed Maura on her forehead. "I'm sorry, Maur," she breathed. "Everything you've been through has been because of me. I left you. It's the one thing I wish I could change. If I could just turn back time, change what I did, then we wouldn't be here right now. I'm sorry I've hurt you." She rested her forehead against Maura's and fought back her tears. "I love you, Maura."

Angela didn't want to disturb their moment. She had never seen Jane so loving with anyone. "Jane, honey, I think it's time I take you back to your room."

Jane shook her head. Determination echoed in her voice and she grabbed a firm hold of Maura's bed. "I'm not leaving."

"What?"

"I'm not leaving Maura, Ma." She looked over her shoulder at Angela. What the older Rizzoli saw reflecting in her daughter's eyes was something she had never seen before. For the first time Jane opened up, bared her entire soul to her. Angela got to see what truly lay hidden behind the mask and Jane only needed four words to tell her. "I'm not leaving her."

"Jane…"

She ignored her mother's plea and carefully pulled aside the blankets on Maura's bed. She managed to push herself up without tangling her IV line and held her breath when her cold feet brushed against Maura's bare leg. Her head snapped sideways to see if she'd woken the sleeping doctor but Maura didn't move. Jane released her breath and curled up onto her side, her hand draped across Maura's stomach. She moved her legs until she was comfortable, managed to pull the blanket over her enough so that she wouldn't get cold and felt a heavy weight slip off her shoulders. Jane rested her head against Maura's chest and could feel the soft, steady beating of her heart.

Angela turned around in the doorway. She knew that she wouldn't be able to persuade Jane to leave Maura and from the doorway she watched as her daughter settled down beside the sleeping doctor. She smiled when she noticed Maura's hand covering Jane's and switched off the big light in the room.

"Goodnight, Jane."

~()~

She woke to the feeling of someone touching her hand. It was a gentle touch, skin against skin, so soft that it could have almost been a summer breeze. It was warm, gentle and caring and it was enough to slowly lure her out of the comfort of her sleep. She blinked against the bright light in the room and when she tried to turn her head it hurt but as her eyes opened she almost immediately realised she wasn't alone.

The first wave that hit her was panic but then, as her eyes adjusted to their new surroundings and the bright light in the room, the initial fear subsided. She recognised the wild mess of black curls that lay beside her and she knew that familiar scent. She let her fingers graze across an exposed arm. Muscles responded beneath her touch, twitching slightly.

"Jane?"

She could only breathe her name but it was enough. The body lying beside her stirred.

"Maura?"

Jane's dark eyes snapped open when she heard Maura's voice. Her heart jolted in her chest, beating suddenly a lot faster. She'd felt Maura move underneath her arm but now that the honey blonde had called her name she knew she was awake. She blinked a couple of times before looking down into the most beautiful hazel eyes she had ever seen. Maura looked back at her, confusion etched across her face.

"Jane, where am I?"

"It's okay," Jane soothed. "You're in the hospital and everything's going to be fine."

Maura's face scrunched up into a mask of pain as she tried to move. Her limbs were reluctant. The pain in her head was blinding. "What happened?"

"I'll tell you when you're feeling a little better," Jane promised. She softly kissed Maura on her cheek. "I'm just so glad you're awake."

There was barely enough room for two people in a single hospital bed, let alone two people who were both injured. Jane had been lying on her side all night and now that Maura moved, Jane's body protested against the position she'd been in. The dark haired woman tried to push herself up and managed to somewhat roll onto her back. Instinctively Maura rolled back against Jane's chest, her arm sneaking its way around her stomach and her head resting against Jane's shoulder. It was a perfect fit.

"I've missed you," Jane whispered into Maura's hair and kissed her locks randomly.

Maura looked up. Even though her head felt like it was about to split open, she still managed to smile. Seeing Jane the second she woke up had somehow erased the worst of her pain. She couldn't think of a better place to be than with Jane. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me, too," Jane breathed.

Maura listened to the strong beat of Jane's heart. She didn't remember how she had come to be here but right at this moment she didn't care. She was in a hospital bed but Jane was right beside her, her arms wrapped around her. She felt safe and warm, protected. She snuggled a little deeper into Jane's arms and smiled against her chest when she felt Jane wrap the blanket a little tighter around them.

"We're going to be OK, aren't we?" she whispered softly without looking up.

"Yeah," Jane answered as she ran her fingers through Maura's hair. "You and me, we're going to be fine."


	18. Chapter 18

**Note: **I just want to say thank you all for reviewing, favouriting and following this story. Your comments have been amazing, both here as well as on Tumblr and YouTube. Thank you all for your generosity, your uplifting messages and your kindness. I appreciate every single review, every single follow and favourite. Thank you so so much.

We're approaching the end of this story (don't worry, there's a few chapters left!) but my next adventure will be in the CSI part of this website, finally giving my wife the Catherine/Sara story she's been begging me to write for years. It any of you like that pairing, I hope to see you there and if not then I'll see you in the world of Rizzles soon enough because I always come back to them! Enjoy this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 18**

It took three days before the doctors were willing to discharge Maura. Three days in which Jane blatantly refused to leave Maura's bedside, or her bed for that matter. After just one day the nurses became so desperate that they brought in extra pillows and blankets. Although they said all the things a nurse was supposed to say when someone insisted they slept in the same bed as their wounded partner, how it could possibly affect the healing and the progress Maura was making, Jane didn't miss the way their eyes glistened whenever they saw Jane and Maura together and Angela told them she had overheard them talk about how inspiring it was to see someone who wouldn't leave their lovers bedside.

During the three days in hospital Korsak, Frost and Deanna came to see them every day. The second they walked through the door Jane bombarded them with questions about what had happened. Deanna, the only other person to have been present at the barn when the shot was fired, filled in the blanks where Jane's memory had blacked out. It had been her who pulled the trigger, firing the bullet right between Tamara's eyes. When she showed Jane a picture of the blonde woman's dead body she saw the relief spread across Jane's face. It was really over.

On the morning of the third day, an hour before Maura was allowed to leave the hospital there was a soft knock on the door. Jane, who was already dressed and ready to go and who had been helping Maura pack her belongings into a bag, looked up when the door opened. Guilt crept up on her when Megan appeared, standing in the doorway like a lost child looking for its parents. Maura looked up too and her hazel eyes flashed from Jane to Megan and back. Jane hadn't seen Megan for three days. They hadn't talked about what would happen in the future.

"Hi Maura," Megan said with a small voice. She tried to smile but the hurt behind her eyes was undeniable. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, thank you," Maura said kindly. The bruises across her face had begun to change from dark purple to various stages of green and yellow. It was unsightly and Jane had jokingly compared her to a canvas someone had thrown random colours of paint against. Maura hadn't found it very funny but Jane reminded her that it was a sign she was healing. Now she stopped what she was doing and turned so she could look at the blonde profiler. "How are you?"

"Good. I'm glad you're feeling better." Megan swallowed hard and looked at her hands in a way a child looked at its fingers, discovering them for the first time. "Jane?" Her voice was barely audible. "Can we talk?"

Jane glanced at Maura. She knew she had spent all her time here and had neglected to talk to Megan. She'd been so focused on Maura that she'd forgotten all about what was still to come. She knew they had to talk, sooner or later, and it appeared that the moment was here. She heaved a sigh, looked at Maura as if to ask she was okay and when the honey blonde doctor nodded, she turned away from the bed and crossed the room.

"We should maybe go and get some coffee," she said softly as she closed the door behind them, leaving Maura to the silence of her room.

The walk through the hospital corridor was quiet. They stepped into the elevator without speaking and Jane only dared to steal once sideways glance. Megan looked at the floor, as if there was something there that was far more fascinating than Jane. She knew that look. It was how Megan dealt with her hurt and her pain. Guilt settled in Jane's chest. Everything, all of this, had happened because of her.

The hospital cafeteria smelled of fresh coffee and food mixed with the scent of disinfectant and rubber gloves. It was a weird smell. It wasn't very busy. A handful of people sat scattered around the small tables. A few wore dressing gowns and one man was still hooked up to his IV as he sipped from his coffee and talked to the woman sitting across from him.

Jane ordered two cups of coffee, paid and then followed Megan to a table in the corner of the cafeteria. The large window looked out over a small courtyard. It had stopped raining earlier that morning but everything was still wet. A teenage girl with green and blue streaks in her hair and a nose ring sat on a bench outside smoking a cigarette as she was looking at something on her phone.

Jane tore her eyes away from the window and finally dared to look up at Megan. Their gazes locked. Megan's green eyes were a mirror to her soul and Jane could see just how much she had hurt her. Gone was the initial anger from the moment Megan had dscovered what had happened between her and Maura. All that remained now was the pain of a woman who had been betrayed and cheated on.

"Megan, I'm sorry," Jane said softly. "I know it's not going to change anything and it won't make anything better but I don't know what else to say." She cupped her white porcelain coffee mug. It was warm against her hands. "But it's the best I can do."

"I know, Jane." Megan sounded calm and reserved but the way her voice vibrated told Jane that it took all the control she could find not to let her emotions get the better of her. When Jane looked down at Megan's hands she saw her knuckles had turned white as she clutched her own mug. She was holding on for dear life. "I errr… I just came to say that I'm on the next flight back to D.C."

"Really?" Jane looked surprised.

"I've filed my report with the Director and he's asked for my return. Apparently there's a case in Indianapolis that needs my attention. A team went out a couple of days ago but they're in need of a profiler and he's asked me to go. I'll only be going to my apartment to get a change of clothes."

Jane didn't answer. She doubted Megan had been summoned back only to be sent out again into the field immediately. It was procedure for any agent to have a few days at home to acclimatise after having been away for a case. If Megan was going straight to Indianapolis it was because she had requested to be sent out immediately. Megan didn't want to be in D.C.

Megan's eyes darkened and Jane could see the tears begin to form. "I'll have your things shipped up to Boston as soon as I get back."

"Megan, listen, I want you to know that I didn't mean for any of this to happen." Jane let go of her coffee mug and her hand covered Megan's. Once it would have been a touch she didn't think twice about but now it felt different. "When Sorenson sent me back to Boston I expected to run into some of my old demons. I knew my past was here, I knew Maura was here. But I didn't know just how much of that still haunted me. And what happened between me and Maura…" She paused and took a deep breath. "…that had nothing to do with how things were going between us, Megan. I know it's going to sound cliché and people say this all the time but it just happened."

Megan shook her head. "It didn't just happen, Jane. When we walked into that bullpen and you laid eyes on her, I knew. I didn't know you'd slept with her but I knew there was something. The way she looked at you and the way you looked at her… nobody looks at anybody that way without feeling something, Jane."

"What do you want me to say?"

"There is nothing that you can say, Jane. I believe you when you say you didn't come to Boston looking for any of this. You left this town for a reason. But when you came back you must have known some things hadn't changed. You asked for my help. You asked me to come here." Megan's eyes found Jane's and the accusation in her voice couldn't be missed. "Why bring me here when you know I'm going to find out about you and Maura?"

"I don't know," Jane sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She was tired. She had never been so tired in her life. "Maybe…. Maybe I just hoped…"

"That I would see things for myself and you didn't have to tell me?"

Jane's eyes snapped up. Megan's words had been sharp and blunt but they had also been true. She just hadn't realised it until now. "Yes." She answered in all honesty. "Yes, I guess that's it."

"There are many things I can say to that, Jane, and none of them are very flattering."

"I deserve each and every one of them."

"Yes, you do. You didn't just destroy us; you also destroyed the relationship Maura was already in." Megan raised her hand when Jane was about to object, effectively silencing her. "Deanna told me she was engaged to be married. And it doesn't matter that throughout this time she still had feelings for you. She'd decided to move on irrespective of how she felt. But you came back and you destroyed that wall she had built around herself as well as what we had."

Jane had no answer to that. She couldn't defend herself because everything Megan said was true. She had destroyed Maura's life by returning to Boston. She had destroyed her own life by doing so but sometimes the most painful things happen for reasons not meant to be understood until much further down the line.

"My flight leaves in four hours," Megan interrupted Jane's trail of thoughts. She stood up and looked back down on the dark haired FBI Agent. "I need to go."

Jane stood up too. Before Megan had a chance to respond she had stepped forward, closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around the blonde woman. The hurt and pain that had welled up in her chest slowly reached the surface and tears slid down her cheeks. She felt Megan bury her face into her curls, her warm breath against her neck, and Jane's eyes fluttered shut. She held her, knowing that it would be the very last time. For over a year this woman had been part of her life and now she was about to let it go, for good. It was for the best but it didn't make it hurt any less.

"I'll miss you, Jane," Megan whispered into her ear.

Jane's heart ached. "I'll miss you too."

She would. Perhaps not in the same way Megan would miss her, but she knew she'd miss her in her own way. She'd miss the sound of her voice, the way her footsteps sounded in a room. She'd miss the way she laughed and the way she'd sing to country songs as she cooked breakfast in the kitchen wearing her favourite football jersey and a pair of shorts. She wouldn't miss her as a part of her that had been taken but she'd miss her like a friend, someone whom she cared for deeply. She'd miss Megan just for being Megan.

Reluctantly Megan let go of Jane and wiped the tears from her eyes. She smiled. Jane had never seen a smile hold so much sadness. Megan took Jane's hand into her own and squeezed it. The touch was still so soft, so familiar.

"When Deanna said you were hurt, I got to experience for the first time what all those families I work with feel when we walk into their lives. Something bad has happened and they're hurting. Until a few days ago I didn't know what that was like. I was angry when I found out about you and Maura but the pain… I didn't feel that until I knew you were hurt. The thought of losing you became real and I knew…" Her teeth worried her bottom lip. "I knew, just like all of those people we see every day, that I wasn't going to get you back."

"Megan, I am so, _so _sorry."

"I know, Jane."

"I just wish there was something I could do."

"There is."

Jane furrowed her brow and Megan let Jane's hand slip out of her own. "Just be happy." Green eyes met dark brown. It was the look only two people who were about to embark on two completely different journeys would understand. "Goodbye, Jane."

Jane watched as Megan turned around and slowly walked out of the cafeteria. Somewhere deep down inside it felt as if a small piece of her disappeared and Jane sighed heavily. "Goodbye, Megan."

She waited until Megan was gone before moving. She abandoned her only half finished cup of coffee and made her way back to the elevators. She pressed the button and watched as the doors slid shut. Once she was alone Jane looked up to face herself into the mirror. She didn't quite recognise the woman she had become. Years ago she wouldn't have believed she was capable of cheating on someone she cared about. After what her father had done to her mother she had resented any person who could do such a thing and now she was that person. She'd caused Megan the same hurt her father had caused her mother. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to forgive herself for that.

The doors opened and she stepped out onto the ward Maura had been transferred to after her first night in ICU. She walked across the corridor and when she reached Maura's room she found the door open. She peeked behind it and saw the doctor sitting on her bed, her bag standing on the floor. Dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a simple grey sweater and with her hair flowing freely down her shoulders she looked as beautiful as she could be, Jane thought. She allowed herself a moment to watch Maura, her gaze lingering on the hint of exposed skin around her neck and shoulder line. Everything about Maura was mesmerizing.

She cleared her throat and Maura looked up. Hazel eyes found Jane's brown across the length of the room and a shy smile spread across her face. "Hi." Her voice was soft and if it was possible for Maura's eyes to light up even more than they already had then Jane thought this was the moment where they did. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Jane answered as she walked into the room. Without thinking she pressed a kiss on Maura's forehead. "I'm fine." She let her fingers run through Maura's hair. "You all ready to go?"

"Just waiting for the paperwork."

"Did they give you any medication?"

"Just some painkillers to cope with the headache."

"Ma said she'd be here to pick us up." Jane glanced at her watch. "Any minute now."

"Did you talk to Megan?"

Maura said it carefully, as if she was afraid that asking the question would upset Jane. She slowly looked up to the dark haired agent through her eyelashes and watched how a mix of emotions flashed across Jane's face. She reached out and covered Jane's hand with her own. "Oh Jane."

"It's okay." Jane smiled and gratefully looked down at Maura's hand on top of her own. "We talked. She's going back to D.C. I errr…" She chewed the inside of her cheek. "I think she'll be okay but I can't help but feel so guilty for all the hurt she's going through right now." She looked up at Maura, regret etched across her face. "Just like you're here because of me."

"We'll find our way, Jane," Maura said softly and squeezed her hand.

She knew there was a long way still ahead. Although they had finally realised that their feelings were something they couldn't deny, it didn't mean that the road ahead was going to be easy. The aftermath of Jane leaving Boston two years ago, her unexpected return and the damage done by Tamara's wicked ways would take some time to accept.

Maura's hazel eyes found Jane's. "One way or another."

There was a soft knock on the door and the two women looked up. Angela poked her head around, a beaming smile spreading across her face when she saw her daughter and Maura.

"You ready?"

"Yes," Maura answered with a grin. "Let's get out of here."

She slid off the bed and Jane wrapped a protective arm around her shoulder, pulling her close, before picking up Maura's bag. She pressed another kiss on Maura's head and when she felt the smaller woman lean into her, seeking out the warmth and safety of her body, Jane felt herself relax. There were things they would have to talk about, things that they would have to face and learn to understand. She'd have to go back to D.C and handle her resignation, sign over her condo and see to it that her belongings were shipped back to Boston. It seemed far less daunting now that she had Maura back in her arms but the heaviness in her heart about abandoning that part of her life still lingered. She would have to walk away from something all over again.

Maura glanced up at Jane. She'd sensed the change in the dark haired woman's physical presence. The tension in Jane's muscles betrayed there was something she was struggling with.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," Jane said softly as she pulled Maura even closer. Her coffee coloured eyes glistened with happiness as she held the door for Maura and the doctor filed past her out of the room where she'd spent the last few days. In passing their gazes connected and her eyes lit up. Jane smiled as she let the door fall shut behind them.

"C'mon Maur, let's go home."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Angela held the door as Jane helped Maura into the house. Her arm was draped across Maura's lower back and the doctor's arm rested around Jane's shoulders as she stumbled into the house. She wasn't in a terrible amount of pain but enough to make her flinch and realise just how badly she'd been beaten. The short walk from the car to the front door had robbed Maura of most of her energy and she sighed in relief when Jane helped her to the couch and slowly sat her down. Maura's eyes fluttered shut as she rested her head back into the comfortable cushions.

Jane watched Maura with concern. It wasn't like her to show just how uncomfortable she was. For Maura to show pain it meant that she really was hurting. She sank down next to her and took her hand. Subconsciously her eyes drifted around the room, coming to a rest on the leather armchair she had loathed from the moment she first walked in to the house days earlier. She knew it belonged to Matthew. As she looked around the room further she noticed the rest of items somehow linked to Matthew had disappeared. She then glanced over her shoulder at Angela and when their gazes locked her mother just shrugged, a knowing look etched across her face.

"You should take some of those painkillers they prescribed you and then maybe go to bed for a couple of hours," Jane suggested when she noticed Maura slowly opened her eyes. What she saw was a distinct hint of fear. Maura didn't want to be alone. Jane leant in, her lips close to the doctor's ear. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"I want a shower," Maura groaned. "That thing they call a shower in the hospital doesn't make anybody feel clean!"

Jane chuckled to herself. Maura complained about the facilities in the hospital. It meant she was doing better than Jane thought. "Okay," she grinned and patted Maura on her knee. "Let's go."

Maura frowned. "Where're we going?"

"To the shower."

"Jane." Even when injured she still managed to say it in such a way that it made Jane turn around. "I've been taking showers on my own for thirty years."

"I don't care." Jane crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Today you're not."

Maura realised there was no arguing with the dark haired woman and she pushed herself up from the couch. Jane reached for her arm and helped her up and Maura sheepishly smiled. Jane smiled in return and together they walked out of the living room and to Maura's bathroom.

"I'll get you some clean clothes," Jane said as she watched Maura stagger towards the bathroom.

Maura turned in the doorway. "Thank you."

"And leave the door open!" Jane called after her.

Maura poked her head back around, arching an eyebrow in amusement. "Why?"

"So that I know you're okay in there."

Maura grinned and disappeared into the bathroom. She left the door ajar, just like Jane had told her to, and turned towards the mirror. Slowly she pulled her shirt over her head, revealing the skin that lay beneath. She let her eyes trail over the bruises that spread across her abdomen and ribcage. Dark red marks covered her breasts, leading from just below her collar bone to behind her bra. She reached behind her back to unhook it Maura looked at herself as the fabric slid away from her skin. The extent of her injuries now lay bare and she forced herself to look, even if it hurt.

She turned slightly so she could look at her back. Violent purple bruises with hints of green and yellow covered her shoulder blades and her back. Red gashes and scratches desecrated her skin. Maura heaved a sigh as she carefully stepped out of her yoga pants, abandoning them in a pile on the floor. Her legs had suffered the least of the injuries but there were still bruises across her shins. Tears glistened in her eyes as she turned to the double shower and switched it on. Her breath hitched as she stepped under the warm flow of water.

Maura's eyes fluttered shut as she rinsed out her hair. The water cascaded down her bruised and battered body, slowly relaxing her tense muscles. But water didn't erase pain and she realised this when she tried to reach for the shampoo on the small glass shelf. The soft whimper that escaped from her lips when she finally grasped the bottle lingered in the now damp bathroom. Steam clouded the mirror and the glass walls of the cubicle.

Suddenly her legs buckled and the exhaustion hit her like a brick. Maura reached out for the wall in an attempt to hold herself up but she felt her feet begin to slip. As she turned her head to call for Jane she felt two strong arms around her waist. Suddenly she wasn't sliding or falling anymore. She had enough strength to turn around and found Jane standing in the shower with her, her dark hair plastered across her face. Her arms were still wrapped around Maura's body.

"Jane," she breathed. Slowly she let her hazel eyes trail down and she laughed. "Jane, you're fully dressed!"

"It doesn't matter," Jane said as she brought her lips close to Maura's. Her hands slipped up along the doctor's arms to her face and she brushed strands of wet hair out of her face. The touch was nothing short of loving. Coffee coloured eyes looked intently into hazel ones. "I told you I'd be here."

"Oh Jane…"

"Do you need help?" Jane asked when she noticed the shampoo bottle was about to fall off the shelf.

"I errr…. I guess I do…" Maura admitted shyly.

She didn't feel frightened, vulnerable or embarrassed. She didn't even feel exposed even though she was naked in the shower and Jane was fully dressed. She had never felt safer in her whole life than she did in this moment and when she finally looked back up into Jane's eyes she found the other woman holding the shampoo bottle in her hand. Jane's clothes clung to her slender frame, soaking wet. She'd wiped the wet curls out of her eyes and the drops of water trickled down her olive toned skin.

"Then let me help you," Jane said softly as she put shampoo into her hand before beginning to gently was Maura's hair.

When she was finished Maura rinsed out her hair. Jane watched how the water ran down her neck and her shoulders and eventually down her arms. There wasn't anything sexual about this moment. As her eyes trailed from Maura's face down to her chest Jane simply took in the sight of her injuries, the colour of purple bruises against cream coloured skin. She wished she could take them all away, erase the pain.

"You okay?" she asked when Maura's eyes opened.

"Yeah," the doctor smiled. "I'm fine because I know you're here."

Jane reached for the bottle of shower gel Maura used and her favourite sponge. Without speaking she softly began washing down the other woman's body, starting at her neck. She was careful, barely touching Maura's skin with the sponge. Every so often her fingertips made contact with bare, warm flesh, circling over bruises, cuts and grazes. The soap and bubbles slid effortlessly down Maura's skin as Jane continued to sponge her down.

"Jane?"

Maura unexpectedly stepped even closer to the dark haired woman. She brushed her lips against Jane in the softest, kindest kiss a person could give to another. She then rested her forehead against Jane's and released the breath she'd been holding. "I love you."

"I love you too," Jane said softly and let her fingers dance across Maura's forearms. Something in her chest seemed to fall in place. She hadn't even known it was missing until now. "I think I always have."

After what felt like an eternity they finally stepped out of the shower. Jane gave Maura one of the towels from the cabinet and watched as the medical examiner wrapped it around her body before picking up a smaller towel to dry her hair. She was so lost in her thought that she barely noticed Maura walking towards her until she felt her fingers tug at her shirt in an attempt to pull it over her head.

"You're going to have to take these off," Maura said with a somewhat husky voice. Her hazel eyes almost instantly darkened several shades as Jane raised her arms over her head to allow Maura to remove her shirt.

As she fabric peeled away from her skin it revealed the taut stomach Maura loved so much. She loved every piece of skin on Jane's body but there were parts she loved more. She wasn't able to explain why but she just did. She adored the small piece of skin just below Jane's belly button and the patch of flesh just above her scar. She let her fingers trail across those two places before hooking them behind the waistband of Jane's jeans and unzipping them.

Jane deftly stepped out of her soaking wet pants. Something in the atmosphere shifted. When they had still been in the shower it had all been about the caring side but somehow it had changed. She could read the desire flickering in Maura's eyes and for a moment she was taken back to the night in her hotel room. Back then they had been wet from the rain. The way Maura had removed her shirt in this moment was almost identical to the way she had done it that night. As her gaze found Maura's she knew that Maura had realised that too.

Jane picked up a towel, wrapped it around herself and proceeded to remove her wet underwear. She left the clothes in a soaking wet pile on the bathroom floor and took Maura's hand. Together they left the bathroom and walked into the bedroom. Jane had drawn the curtains and the only light came from the lamp on Maura's bedside table. A clean pair of pyjamas lay on the crisp clean bed sheets.

"You need to rest," Jane said softly when she spotted the disappointment on Maura's face. "This…" She made a hand gesture between them. "…this can wait, Maura. What I need is for you to be better. I can't stand the thought of you being hurt."

Maura nodded. She knew Jane was right. She could barely manage a shower on her own. Where the illusion came from that she could do anything else was beyond her. She picked up the baby blue silk pyjamas and looked up at Jane. "These are my favourite. How did you know?"

Jane cocked an eyebrow and a playful grin spread across her face. "Call it intuition. They didn't let me into the Bureau for nothing, you know."

Maura got changed into the pyjamas as Jane rummaged through the bag she'd asked her mother to pick up from her hotel room. She didn't have that many spare clothes but she managed to find a pair of sweatpants. She chose a t-shirt from Maura's wardrobe and slipped it over her head. When she turned around she found the medical examiner lying in bed, her eyes transfixed on Jane.

"What?" she asked when she noticed the grin across Maura's face.

"I could get used to this."

"What, me taking showers with my clothes on?"

"Having you here with me. All the time."

"Well, lucky for you, I am your designated carer for the foreseeable future." Jane sat down next to Maura and smiled. "Even if you wanted to get rid of me, you wouldn't be able to. I'm like a cockroach. I keep coming back."

"I mean it, Jane," Maura said seriously. "Once you've signed over your condo in D.C, you have nowhere to live anymore. You can't live in a hotel until you've found somewhere."

Jane furrowed her brow. "What are you saying?"

"I want you to live here, Jane," Maura said. "With me."

"Maur, don't you think we should at least talk about everything that's happened?" Jane asked softly. "I mean, until a few days ago, we hadn't spoken to each other for almost two years. We'd moved on into different lives. Don't you think we should try and understand what happened?"

"I know what happened, Jane. You came back. It was the case that brought you back to Boston but the way you felt brought you back to me." Maura pushed herself up and took both Jane's hands ibto hers. "I can't remember a time where I didn't love you, Jane Rizzoli. Yesterday as I lay in the hospital bed and you smiled at me. Or last week when you opened your mother's door and looked at me. Even in my anger I still loved you. Last year, when I missed you without knowing where you were or what you were doing. Two years ago, when I believed you were dead and every day before that, Jane. Every day I loved you. I don't think that will ever change." She swallowed and Jane could see tears in Maura's eyes. "I don't ever want it to change."

"But what about Matthew?" Jane wanted to know. When Maura had told her she was going to get married she'd seemed genuinely pleased with the life she had until that moment in time. "Weren't you happy?"

Maura shook her head. "I wanted to _be_ happy, Jane, but it didn't mean that I was. I wanted to fill a void left behind when you left. Perhaps I was desperate, accepting anyone willing to take your place. But no, I couldn't love anyone the way that I love you because I have never loved anyone that way before." She looked down at her hands holding Jane's. "And I never will again."

"Okay."

She looked up. "What?"

"Okay," Jane repeated, now smiling. "Let's do it."

Maura seemed confused. "What do you mean?"

"Moving in," Jane explained. Her dark eyes lit up. "Let's do it. It's totally crazy and completely mad but after everything we've been through, I don't care anymore." Excitement laced her voice and her face was glowing like that of a child on Christmas morning. "I love you, Maura Dorthea Isles." She brought Maura's hands up to her lips and kissed them. "And I would love to move in with you." She let go of Maura's hands and gently pushed the doctor back into bed. "But we can talk about this after you have slept for a few hours. You need to rest."

She leant in, softly kissed Maura on her lips and when she pulled away Maura smiled. Jane could see she was tired but tried to hide it. She couldn't help but smile too and it was with great reluctance that she stood up and left the room. She turned around in the doorway and watched as Maura rolled onto her side. Jane softly closed the door behind her and walked back into the kitchen.

"You were a long time," Angela said. She'd just poured a cup of tea. "Everything ok?"

"Everything's fine, Ma," Jane smiled. "Maura's asleep."

"You want some tea?"

Jane suspiciously eyed the liquid in her mother's cup. Experience told her to always double check tea brewed in Maura's kitchen. "Does Maura still drink that stuff grown in panda poop?"

"No, this one's from Australia," Angela said as she showed Jane the box.

"Kangaroo poop, Ma?"

"Jane!" Angela smacked her daughter on the arm. "Do you want some or not?"

"Allright," Jane said as she sank down on one of the chairs at the kitchen island.

Angela took another mug from the cupboard and poured some hot water onto the teabag. She looked up at her daughter. "You and Maura okay?"

"Yeah, we're good," Jane answered and she looked down at her fingers. She and her mother never really talked about the fact she was seeing Megan back in D.C and it seemed that Angela was less than surprised to find out what had happened between her and Maura.

"Why didn't you tell me you knew, Ma?" she asked when Angela handed her the tea. "About me and Megan, or me and Maura? Why didn't you just ask?"

Angela sipped from her drink. "It wasn't my business!"

"That's never stopped you before!"

"Jane, I stopped trying to set you up on dates with men not long after you met Maura and you know why? Because I could see the way you looked at her. You never looked at anyone else that way." Angela looked at her daughter and could see the hint of a blush creep into her cheeks. "And I waited. I waited for you to tell me that you and Maura had finally figured it out. But you didn't and then you left. For a little while I wondered if perhaps I should have said anything but it wasn't up to me. If you needed to figure this out on your own then, for once, I think you really did need to be on your own."

"So you knew?" Jane asked.

"Yes, I knew." Angela watched how her daughter's eyes lit up. "So what are you going to do now?"

"Well, once Maura's back on her feet I'll have to go back to D.C for a few days to sort out my stuff up there. I'll email my resignation to Sorenson before I go so at least that part is dealt with when I get there. I'll sign the lease of my condo over, ship my belongings up to Boston and then move in here with Maura."

"You're moving in here?" Angela sounded surprises.

"I can't really go live under a bridge somewhere, can I?"

Angela grinned. "I guess not. So this is it then? You and Maura finally figured it out?"

"I think we're still trying to," Jane admitted. "A lot has happened and we're not the same people we were two years ago but maybe that's a good thing, you know. We've changed a lot." She picked up her tea mug and sipped from the hot liquid. It tasted surprisingly sweet. "But, since you're asking… Yes, Maura and I are together. We don't know where any of this will lead to but we've said we'll deal with that when we come to it."

Angela smiled. "Don't worry, Janie. You and Maura? You two are going to be fine."


	20. Chapter 20

**Note: **I was quite happy with the end of the previous chapter but I wanted something short and sweet to really top it I suck at writing anything fluffy like that, I am afraid this will have to do. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who took the time to review, favourite or follow this story. It has been so incredibly amazing to read all your reviews and receive your PM's. Thanks for everything and keep an eye out! A new Rizzles idea has gotten stuck in my head and will very soon be here!

* * *

**Chapter 20**

Jane watched from the kitchen as Maura curled up on the couch and draped the blanket across her legs. Half a smile graced the dark haired woman's face as she saw Maura reach for the remote before changing the channel. She leant against the kitchen counter, an endless line of thoughts now running through her head. It was remarkable how much things could change in just a very short time. In fact, they could change so fast that when she looked back she wondered if they were ever different. It felt like they had always been this way, like this had always been her life.

Three weeks. That was all it took. Twenty one days in which she handed in her resignation from the Bureau, signed over her condo and shipped her belongings back to Boston. After just ten days Cavanaugh had given her her old job back. She'd been working alongside Frost, Korsak and Frankie for just over a week but it felt like forever. It was as if nothing had changed.

But Jane knew they had. She knew it when she came home to Maura every night and saw the brief hint of relief flash across the doctor's face. Maura would never say it out loud, and Jane would never force her to, but she knew Maura was afraid she would turn around and leave again. Over time perhaps that fear would disappear but for now Jane had to accept that it was there. She knew she wouldn't leave. She couldn't walk away from all of this, from what her life had beCome. In fact, she came home every night because this was where she belonged, where she was happiest. She came home to Maura.

Living together was no different from all the other nights she used to spend here. She knew where everything was. The only difference was that every morning she woke up next to Maura and she got to see the golden sunlight dance across her hair. Every night she'd kiss her softly, whispering "I love you" in the seconds before sleep lured them into the land of dreams. She'd never been one to believe in something like domestic bliss, in fact it had frightened her more than anything, but here it was, right in front of her, and she loved it. She couldn't think of another life she'd rather live than her own right now.

It had taken a little bit of time for Maura's injuries to heal but now that the bruises were gone, there wasn't a physical reminder left of what had happened. But the emotional scars were there, only for Jane to see. She noticed them when Maura held her a little tighter than usual when they were about to go separate ways during the day. She'd see the sudden distance in her eyes when her thoughts wandered off into the darker places, remembering the face of the woman who had almost torn them apart forever.

"Jane?"

Maura's voice roused her from her thoughts and Jane blinked. "Yeah?"

"You ok?"

Jane smiled and circled the kitchen island, bottle of wine in hand. "Yeah," she said as she sat down next to Maura and poured the burgundy liquid into the waiting glasses. Dark eyes found hazel ones. "I'm fine."

Her heart settled in her chest in a soft, comfortable rhythm when Maura snuggled up against her. She breathed in the soft, fresh scent of her hair and let her fingers dance across her shoulders. Maura's head rested against her chest. Jane couldn't think of a better place to call home than this moment right here. At the end of the day, when they left the faces of death they saw behind, this was what she came home to and there wasn't a place she'd rather be.

She had loved Maura for as long as she could remember. She tried not to resent herself for having lost and wasted so much time. She wasn't the coward she used to be. She'd learnt from her mistakes and perhaps it was for the better that they had some time to figure out who they really were and what they really wanted. Sometimes things had to fall apart for them to fall in place.

Jane looked down at Maura lying against her. Things had definitely fallen into place.

"I love you."

The words rolled off her lips with such ease and they got lost in Maura's hair but not before the doctor looked up and smiled. It didn't matter how softly the words had been spoken. She would hear them every time.

"I love you too, Jane," she answered.

She didn't need to say anything else. Everything that she wanted to say Jane could read in her eyes. There were still moments where they found themselves confronted with the demons from their past. It seemed that the shadows and what lurked inside them would always be a part of them. When the moments came, they would talk about it. In those moments it would hurt and the pain would be real but after that, once it had faded, they would both feel better. It was only by talking that they had truly learnt to understand their feelings and the kind of people they had become.

Jane relaxed into the cushions on the sofa and sipped from her wine. It was one of Maura's favourite with a bold, fruity flavour. She'd driven all the way across town to the only supplier in Boston who sold it. The smile it brought to Maura's face had been priceless. Jane would do anything to see that smile every day.

For the remainder of the night they watched a movie Maura had chosen. When the credits rolled across the screen and the time came for them to go to bed it was Jane who took Jo Friday for her last walk of the day before giving her some food and scratching her behind the ears. The next step of her routine was feeding Bass. She'd gotten used to him now and it seemed he had finally approved of her being here. He no longer hid in his shell whenever she entered the room and he even let her stroke his head.

When Jane walked into the bedroom she found Maura already in bed. She lay on her side, with her face turned towards Jane. The only light came from the lamp on the bedside table and it highlighted perfectly the soft, beautiful features of her face. Jane watched her for a few moments, mesmerized, before she effortlessly slipped out of her pants and shirt and chose old Red Sox jersey from her drawer. She slipped under the soft, crisp sheets and Maura stirred as Jane's cold feet brushed against her legs. Jane could tell that from the way she was breathing that the doctor was already asleep.

Jane rolled onto her side too, facing Maura, and carefully brushed a strand of hair out of the doctor's face. It was during moments like these that she had to pinch herself to actually believe that this part of her life was real. Every night she got to sleep next to Maura. She got to hold her, touch her, kiss her, and love her. None of those things did she ever want to take for granted.

"I love you, Maur," Jane whispered to a sleeping Maura. "I love the person you've made me become, the person I am when I am around you." Her breath hitched as she was suddenly confronted by her own emotions. Unexpected tears glistened in her eyes. "I can't promise that I'm going to be flawless, Maura. All I can promise is that I'll be the best partner for you that I know how to be. I can't promise I'll never hurt you but I can promise I'll try. I promise to protect you, to always be here when you need me most or even when you don't need me at all. I'll just be here, with you, because for me there is no other place in this world where I'd rather be."

"When we first met I had no idea you'd change my life this much. How would anyone ever put up with this stubborn, temperamental and downright blunt detective who doesn't own more than three pairs of shoes, has her favourite take out on speed dial and wears her clothes to bed? But you changed me, Maura. You've changed me in so many ways and I am grateful for every single one of them. I promise to never take a single moment with you for granted because in our jobs we both know that every moment can be our last. I promise to never leave for work without telling you I love you. I promise…"

Jane's eyes fluttered shut as a single tear seeped through her eyelashes. She moved a little closer, carefully pulling Maura against her until the smaller woman lay against her chest. Jane rolled onto her back, her arm still safely wrapped around Maura's shoulders.

"I promise that I'll never leave you." Softly she kissed Maura's hair. "And I promise to always love you and I promise to tell you all these things when you're awake."

She stared up at the ceiling after switching off the light, listening to Maura's breathing. Maura pressed herself a little tighter against Jane's chest, her arm sneaking around the taller woman's waist. Hazel eyes barely opened but enough to make out the lines of the detective's face in the dark.

Maura Isles just smiled. Happiness was finally here and it was here to stay.

* * *

End.


End file.
